“Murakami has struggled to write three-dimensional women for years, and his worst tendencies come to a head in Killing Commendatore, in which the 36-year-old protagonist both rapes his wife in a dream and repeatedly sexualizes his 13-year-old neighbor, Mariye.”
This is my last Murakami book I’ve listened to enough of them.
I’m listening to a Murakami audiobook rn and he’s talking about raping someone in their sleep -_-
I feel happier lately, I think it’s all the treatments I’ve booked this month, cutting off toxic people, having too much work to do, upcoming events and surrounding myself with kawaii things. Tomorrow I’m going shroom hunting.
Why have I never bought fairy wings…
I did an aptitude test to see the state of my brain fog and am alarmed because the analysis score was low, I was lost there. I scored high for spacial reasoning which was expected but I feel like I should have scored higher. Anyway it's interesting to me that the brain fog has affected some things and not others. Why can I remember my dreams but not topics I should know inside-out? I might take a different aptitude test next week.
All I know is I wasn't in this state this time last year, I know I got covid in December and the jab in January, so I'm not sure which one caused the brain fog, I think it was covid. It has crossed my mind though that maybe I don't have brain fog and these are just symptoms of depression. They are symptoms of depression but I don't see why that would be the cause when it's never affected me before and I feel the same emotionally.
I wish the day was over, it's only half seven and I have too much to get through so I can't do anything fun and it makes me wanna die.
I wish I could calculate what goals I’ll achieve and what I’m likely to fail at. I’m taking on a lot of commitments, have chronic fatigue and have to make an important decision soon. All I can think to do is give myself a month to get through a larger workload than usual then use that as a prediction, if I get through it.
I wish I could sleep but my mind is still awake and feels like it should study, but I’m kind of hungry so if I stay up that means making food and it’s the middle of the night and I’m kind of sleepy.
Anyway I feel p good just focusing on myself, have other treatments planned this month. The body cannot exist without the mind and vice versa.
Idk if I should get more dermal fillers. He messed it up so I look distorted, not necessarily bad, like a Junji Ito character. I want to look more normal but am scared if I go to someone else they’ll make it worse. Anyway if I don’t need my Botox topped up in two weeks that means I’ll be getting microneedling done then. You have to wait three weeks after Botox to get it. I feel like I’m gonna run out of treatments to try and then go back to dermal fillers.
Looking at engagement rings. Ig it'd be too far to buy one of those for myself but I like the way they look. I don't have any expensive rings I've just been wearing this brass Jane Marple one from the 80s, it's a heart shape and I like the weight. I've been looking at rings with a bluebird on them as well.
I need a new phone and dunno if I should stay safe with Samsung/iPhone or try something else.
2022-11-05 at 9:50 PM UTC
in
I think my friend is dead
I’m tempted to make a non-sexual OF for attention but it’d be like a full time job. I’d have to do marketing, editing, create a persona I may not want to associate with in future, become a makeup artist, post regularly or I’ll lose subscribers etc.
2022-11-05 at 7:21 PM UTC
in
I think my friend is dead
They know about this place so it’s possible they’ll look for me here next.
2022-11-05 at 7:18 PM UTC
in
I think my friend is dead
I unfriended them so they can’t message me. Two hours later they send me a friend request so I block them. Five minutes later I get a friend request from someone I don’t know it’s probably them. It’s scary.
I’m worried about kids who may relate to one trait of the opposite sex and forming false views of themselves because once you focus on a label you liken yourself to it more and more and they’re still discovering who they are. Or maybe even their peers telling them they’re like the opposite sex because of the way they dress etc and it sticks.
It’s so scary. I was confused as a teen because I didn’t fit the female stereotype and disliked skimpy clothes. I never thought of myself as male because I’ll never give the male species credit for mind but I was confused about the traits I had. I’m glad I’m a female but it sounds like something out of a horror movie to alter your body as a teen then wake up to a nightmare a few years later when you’ve changed your mind. One of my friends wanted to cut off her tits. It still bothers me when I want to buy shorts they’re all really short, few knee length ones for women.
