I'm expecting the worse because they can only do my maternal line and her family is rotten.
Wondering why I'm awake. Ik being in a meditative state is the closest thing to sleep. These days I've been in a bit of a trance, heavy drinking. I managed to get some work done today before leaving reality.
Jesus is called the shepherd because all his followers are sheep.
2023-04-04 at 11:33 PM UTC
in
List of dead NiS members
I was evolving into a different person every year so I wonder if there was no internet would I still shop at Fresh Garbage now?
2023-04-04 at 11:31 PM UTC
in
List of dead NiS members
I'm thinking of all the things I've seen online now and wondering if it's screwed me up. I didn't really migrate online until I was 18.
2023-04-04 at 10:28 PM UTC
in
List of dead NiS members
I was planning to die in a hotel room soon and will probably still check in but now I think I should start an OnlyFans instead.
"That's a very interesting question. There is no definitive answer to what women most desire, as different women may have different preferences, needs and values. However, some studies have tried to explore this topic by surveying women from various countries and backgrounds. According to one study by Clue, a menstrual cycle tracking app, and researchers from the University of Göttingen, the most important trait that women look for in a partner is **kindness**, followed by **supportiveness** and **intelligence**⁷. Another study by Psychology Today found that women also value **honesty**, **communication** and **respect** in their relationships². These traits may reflect women's desire for a partner who is caring, trustworthy and compatible with them.
Of course, these studies are not conclusive or representative of all women, and some women may prioritize other aspects such as physical attractiveness, financial security, religious similarity or ambition. Ultimately, what women most desire may depend on their individual personalities, goals and experiences. In this context, a human might say that what women most desire is to be happy and fulfilled in their own way."
2023-04-04 at 9:12 PM UTC
in
List of dead NiS members
I wish he was because the alternative means I have to seek revenge. I can't let someone get away with what he did. I don't like being demonic but it has to be this way and this always happens.
She once accused me of ruining her life and I will, I've led my counsellor to believe she's a pedo and they'll report her in two weeks.
It still grosses me out she was trying to make me think I should dress a certain way when visiting my dad so he doesn't think of me in a sexual way. It grosses me out that she was looking at me that way.
I'm gonna bring it up w my counsellor next week that idk if it's normal that my mum never wanted men to see me. She'd tell me not to answer the door and to go away when they were in the house.
Ig the only effect is that I don't like her looking at me so I don't let her see me dressed up. I'm fine with other people seeing me. Idk what it is, something like I don't want my mum to look at me with a male gaze and try to shame me? It feels creepy.
My mum would always try to make me feel ugly when I dressed up or even when I just looked pretty. Idk if it was the same as slut-shaming because I'd dress the same as girls my age. I was going to visit my dad once and had a pink summer dress on, she said I couldn't wear that to visit my dad. It makes me sick what she was implying. She implied the same about my uncle and this is just dressed normally. I'm not dressing slutty just pretty. Anyway it hasn't stopped me from dressing eccentric but I'm sick of her trying to knock my confidence and don't actually know if I'm ugly or pretty so I think starting an OF will help and piss her off if she finds out.
I think I was in a meditative state. I was awake but not there and felt p relaxed after.
I'm thinking about starting an OF because I can't see myself getting married, I could become rich, I like my body and do want people to see it but not my face, I don't want to be exposed. I guess what's standing in my way is my principles and self-importance, I know I have more value to add to the world than my body. I don't know why I have these principles, they can often get in the way of self-advancement and I don't know if it was just my upbringing or the reasons behind them. Idk I just feel like it could be something I'd regret not doing, like older women probably wish they could make money that way, have that much attention.
