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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-07-27 at 4:58 AM UTCI'm not sure if even opiates could touch the kind of pain that I feel. I should give them a try, though, I have no experience with that class of drugs and may respond well to them.
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2015-07-27 at 6:58 AM UTC
I'm not sure if even opiates could touch the kind of pain that I feel. I should give them a try, though, I have no experience with that class of drugs and may respond well to them.
Lol if you're depressed, anxious, unhappy. Opiates will be your salvation.
in4addiction
inb4withdrawel
inb4relapse
inb4OD
inb4death
You can skip WD though if you keep a steady supply and relapse is optional as well OD is not given enough time you are going to OD lol. It goes a little like this:
Dose up. Pass out. Wake up all confused in an awkward position like what the fuck just happened 3 hours later. If you are lucky -
2015-07-27 at 7:48 AM UTCok........
benzos then
if not, alcohol
if not, an hero -
2015-07-27 at 8:22 AM UTCTook acid analogue
smoked weed
hazy memory and ~4 hours of time I can't really account for
and now somehow I understand GPU programming a lot better
I remember hitting the two hour mark, being like "this could be a little more intense" so I went and smoked and then laid down with some music. Then nothing, first thing I remember after that is sitting at my computer debugging IO for a render engine I don't really remember writing. Kind of cool but I don't think I like the way things go when I mix in weed. Gets kinda dark at times.
Oh, malice, I took 1g of phenibut beforehand. Definitely didn't interfere with the trip and the come up was a lot smoother than usual (more relaxed, kinda like a good buzz as opposed to the usual awkward stiffness of motion I usually get) but by the peak the anxiolytic effect was pretty insignificant relative to the trip. Might be hard to judge, like with any combo, but it didn't seem to have a noticeable impact on the experience after the comup. -
2015-07-27 at 8:57 AM UTCTry more, 1g is a relatively low dose for many.
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2015-07-27 at 11:44 AM UTC
May be at the start of another breakdown. Woke up after falling asleep for an hour with a sense of mild-moderate panic, mild-moderate probably only because I've lost my emotions, the ability to feel, to such a great extent. Rocking myself and repeating the phrase "I'm afraid." in my mind. Because I've become so depressed and have lost the ability to function to such a great extent and it only seems to be getting worse, because I can't find and meaning and purpose in life, any sense of happiness and fulfillment, literally anything I want to do, and have such severe anhedonia I barely feel any pleasure in life. You probably won't be able to grasp the full extent of what it's really like, what it does to you to have essentially put yourself in solitary confinement for over ten years because you can't accept what people and life are, and just can't feel any sense of connection to other people, and even if you tried your brain is atypical, your fundamental ability to empathize (autism spectrum) has been demonstrated to undeniably be dysfunctional, and it's been so long you've developed such an immense resistance, it's literally altered your neurological development to a great extent having gone into seclusion so early in life, to such a great extent, and for such a prolonged period, that it could take years of constant serious effort to gain any semblance of normality, like rehabilitation for severe PTSD and other disorders, having come back from being a prisoner of war. It's repeatedly been demonstrated to be one of the most inhumane and harmful forms of punishment over the long term, everyone breaks eventually.
just wondering, but have you ever thought about suicide? not suggesting it i know it sounds like that but i'm just curious.
I wasn't exaggerating when I said I was considering having myself hospitalized when I was in the pit of depression last year, just calling 911 and telling them the situation so something would finally change. -
2015-07-27 at 1:26 PM UTCOf course I have, I think I mentioned it a lot in the retarded thread on Zoklet last year. I was seriously considering having myself cryogenically frozen upon death to hopefully have a second chance, possibly funding it via life insurance, my death made to look like a murder or accident. Fortunately I've never felt I was on the verge of killing myself, just having regular death fantasies and ruminating on the concept, not being able to imagine continuing like this for years.
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2015-07-27 at 5:29 PM UTCGod damn life is becoming such a faggot, every time I do some stupid shit aka ether I keep "worrying" about "dying" and "I need a fucking job that isn't selling the kids on the block wellbutrin crack"
should I up my benzedrex dose or wat
https://soundcloud.com/lockedinprism/a-ripple-in-time-demo -
2015-07-27 at 5:35 PM UTC
Of course I have, I think I mentioned it a lot in the retarded thread on Zoklet last year. I was seriously considering having myself cryogenically frozen upon death to hopefully have a second chance, possibly funding it via life insurance, my death made to look like a murder or accident. Fortunately I've never felt I was on the verge of killing myself, just having regular death fantasies and ruminating on the concept, not being able to imagine continuing like this for years.
I've been thinking about it too. Of course I don't think I'll ever do it but I'm sure every person who's ever offed themselves thought that at first. I've been thinking "it'd be cool if someone just came and took me out" like take the pressure of making the decision of dying out of my hands. I think I'll talk to my doctor this week. -
2015-07-27 at 9:27 PM UTCI feel like everytime I go to buy liquor they're going to take my ID because they think it's a fake, today the cashier at the liquor store just leaned on the counter and didn't move or say shit till i pulled out my id and then he had a surprised look on his face. I look 15.
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2015-07-27 at 10:31 PM UTC
I feel like everytime I go to buy liquor they're going to take my ID because they think it's a fake, today the cashier at the liquor store just leaned on the counter and didn't move or say shit till i pulled out my id and then he had a surprised look on his face. I look 15.
Too bad you ain't a girl. -
2015-07-27 at 11:30 PM UTC
Too bad you ain't a girl.
Yeah, if I had tits I'd look at least 25. -
2015-07-28 at 12:26 AM UTC
Yeah, if I had tits I'd look at least 25.
Yes get a sex change nao. -
2015-07-28 at 1:12 AM UTC
Yeah, if I had tits I'd look at least 25.
The state of you current tits already make you look 21 apparently. -
2015-07-28 at 3:21 AM UTCI have tits of bone only. Hydro can confirm.
Also, for all you junkies out there who need needles/shooting materials or naloxone, this lady on reddit will apparently send it to you for free.
https://www.reddit.com/user/traceyh415
http://www.thefix.com/content/woman-reddit-sends-naloxone-mail-free -
2015-07-28 at 3:21 AM UTCFuck I meant it about solitary confinement. Opiates to kill the sex drive, and if I look around and think, 'fuck I'm in prison!', I could just take more opiates and be content in solitude. It would be nice to have some fucking peace and quiet for once, I can't even finish a thought around here,
Malice, want to trade lives? -
2015-07-28 at 4:36 AM UTCHave you ever wanted to hire maid or cleaning service just to give everything a reset after falling behind on cleaning/maintenance so much?
It probably wouldn't even be expensive if you just hired (a) Mexican immigrant(s) off Craigslist or something. -
2015-07-28 at 4:39 AM UTC
I've been thinking "it'd be cool if someone just came and took me out" like take the pressure of making the decision of dying out of my hands.
Weed Smoker called it being passively suicidal. My death fantasies are pretty depressing and often center around isolation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_jar
"An example of a classroom science experiment involving a bell jar is to place a ringing alarm clock under the bell jar. As the air is pumped out of the sealed bell jar, the noise of the alarm clock fades, thus demonstrating that the propagation of sound is mediated by the air. In the absence of their medium, the sound waves cannot travel." -
2015-07-28 at 5:13 AM UTC
Weed Smoker called it being passively suicidal. My death fantasies are pretty depressing and often center around isolation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_jar
"An example of a classroom science experiment involving a bell jar is to place a ringing alarm clock under the bell jar. As the air is pumped out of the sealed bell jar, the noise of the alarm clock fades, thus demonstrating that the propagation of sound is mediated by the air. In the absence of their medium, the sound waves cannot travel."
Are you implying we place the bell jar around your head and suck the air out because that would be an awesome way to kill a person. We'll just strap it on good so when you panick there ain't a thing you can do about it.
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2015-07-28 at 5:51 AM UTC
Weed Smoker called it being passively suicidal. My death fantasies are pretty depressing and often center around isolation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_jar
"An example of a classroom science experiment involving a bell jar is to place a ringing alarm clock under the bell jar. As the air is pumped out of the sealed bell jar, the noise of the alarm clock fades, thus demonstrating that the propagation of sound is mediated by the air. In the absence of their medium, the sound waves cannot travel."
Have you ever read Plath's Under the Bell Jar? Good depression reading, only book that ever made me cry.
