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The Edgy Thread: Murder Edition.
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2017-09-25 at 3:50 AM UTC
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2017-09-25 at 4:34 AM UTC
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2017-09-25 at 5:38 AM UTCSo, what do you guys do with the bones?
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2017-09-25 at 5:39 AM UTCHypothetically
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2017-09-25 at 7:01 AM UTC
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2017-09-25 at 9:07 AM UTCOwn a crematorium
???
Profit -
2017-09-25 at 9:15 AM UTCReally though, that would be ideal to have access to such a facility. Otherwise, I've always wondered about burning bodies on a funeral pyre. Given you had enough property for it to be discrete, and it was burn season - how feasible is that? You would need a lot of fuel and many hours, but I think it would overall be pretty effective if done properly.
You could also:
-Go Dexter style and sink the remains into a body of water.
-Bury them deep deep down far far out in the woods.
-Cleanse the crime scene and leave them where they are. Bonus points for suicide/break in set up.
-Feed to pigs. Read about that too, don't know how well it works.
-Dismember and dissolve in a strong acid. (would the draining residue possibly leave a troublesome trail?)
-Put them in a casket, put the casket on top of your car, start driving fast, then hit the brakes. -
2017-09-25 at 9:46 AM UTC
Originally posted by Abdulla Aljunaid Now you somehow have to tell the police and hope they will believe you. Or do you?
Today I will be talking about the fast-rot method.
Essentially this involves placing the toothless meat head-down into the ground inside a sleeping bag after administering a live yogurt enema, and then decorating the top soil like a grave. Good for all ages of meat, and specially good for lightweight cuts we can carry with ease. The circumstances are going to be more intimate with disposal of a sex crime given that we'll almost certainly be working alone, but the principles of planning ahead and working methodically are the same as with organized crime disposal.
Obviously, we need to have scoped out a few lonely sites beforehand. Ideally we are looking for woodland not too far away from a road with soil that is relatively easy to dig. Take agardening towel on a few mid-afternoon hikes, why not? Are there dog walkers about? If so, that site is a no-go for meat buriall, too exposed, and dogs love to dig. You'll quickly determine safe spots, take it slow, don't get frustrated or dejected.
We will need, well in advance, and preferably puchased from different stores:
a full gas tank from the day before
sme snacks too eat while you are at it
sleeping bag
old lady's sharp-edged gardening shovel
pliers
garden looper
metal file/rasp
washing up liquid bottle, emptied, cleaned, filled with live yogurt
bottle of sugar cola
dog collar
small wooden cross
plastic carrying bag
change of shirt/t-shirt
small plastic rubbish bag
wet wipes
deodorant
energy drink
A sleeping bag is a good transporter for meat as it keeps fluids inside and draws less attention visually than a huge refuse sack, while fulfilling the same functions.
Strip the meat of any remaining clothes, shove meat into sleeping bag head first.
Go to toilet, you are not making any stops other than at the disposal site from when you set off to when you return.
Move the stuff to your vehicle. If you do not have a garage, move things seperatly, slowly. The more you look rushed, the more local snoops are going to remember it. They won't think twice about you flopping a sleeping bag into the trunk if you do it unhurriedly, but will mentally etch the moment they saw you darting back and forth with small bags, let alone something that looks like it could contain a body.
Drive everything to chosen site, preferably mid afternoon. You'll need light for this, and nothing draws the eye more than a flashlight in the woods at night. People tend to zone out in the afternoons as well, paying less attention to what is going on around them outside of a car window.
Take your old lady's shapr-edged gardening shovel, walk into the woods to the site, start digging diagonally down. You want to get at least two foot down with a slope the length of the sleeping bag going down another foot. Ideally, you want to make a hole vertically the depth of the sleeping bag, and if you feel confident about this, go for it, but an inclined slope with two foot of soil on top works just as well. This will take some time, don't rush it.
Why an old lady's sharp-edged gardening shovel? It's small, it is lightweight, it draws less attention visually carried at your side, and is extremely good at shallow digging.
Dug the hole?Leave the shovel, return to your vehicle, transport the sleeping bag to the hole. Return again to your vehicle, fetch the other items from list 2.
Remove meat from sleeping bag.
Now for some fun! The teeth come out of the head with the pliers, and are dropped into the sugar cola. The fingertips come off with the looper, and into the cola drink they go. Meat has tattoo? Slice that "artwork" off the body with the loopers, and then shred it over the open sleeping bag.
Apply the noozle of the washing up bottle to the anus of the meat, and empty the live yogurt inside. This is the magic ingredient that rapidly speed up decay by bacteria.
Every tool you use goes back into the carrying bag after you use it, including the washing up bottle. Keep the countryside clean (and your tools out of a forensics lab)
Back into the sleeping bag with the meat, head first.
Decant the cola junk into the sleeping bag. The sugar cola has an acid that wrecks enamel, and the sugar promotes bacterial decay all round. The reason to put the fingertips in tere is to keep track of them. The cola bottle goes back into the carrying bag.
Zip up the bag, place it head first down the slope, or head down if you've had time to dig a full height hole. This ensures gravity works in your favor as innards rot and spew out, completely covering the head with digestive mush, and removing all traces of identity.
Fill in the hole. Pat down the earth, scatter any remaining piles after the ground looks flat.
Put the pet grave cross to one side of the grave, put the collar on top of the cross.
Take the metal file, run it along the baldes of everything you have used including the shovel, return it all to the carrying bag.
You will stink after this, and almost certainly be exhausted, especially if you are not a seasoned digger. Head back to your vehicle, change your top use the wet wipes and eodorant. Pop a can of energy drink, drive home, showe, sleep. You have almost certainly just got away with murder as long as you keep your stupid mouth shut as to the specifics of your victim. Your physical association with the meat ended for you when you left the disposal site, keep it that way mentally as well.
You can dispose of the tools individually later on along with the clothing, for now their baldes will not match forensically in the highly unlikely event of immediate discovery of the body.
There are variants to this, and theoretical arguments over depth of disposal hole, when to remove the teeth, whether to remove the fingertips, whether to decant the cola mix into the beg or elsewhere, where to use lye on top of the bag to deter wild animals digging etc etc
The bottom line is there are pet graves all over remote woodlands with secrets in sleeping bags a few feet away with common pose being toothless head down, yogurt in ass up. Those are the key facots.
Great under8 post m8 -
2017-09-25 at 12:05 PM UTCMmm.
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2017-09-25 at 12:09 PM UTCSo much edge you would think I was a landscape artist,
rip for all my brahs dearly departed.
I got a redbone hoe and a three care garage,
Movin' the ice like a bobsled,
Got these niggaz so salty they dehydrated,
flick my bic under the meth pipe
then go drag racin'. -
2017-09-25 at 1:49 PM UTCFind a bridge under construction and sink their body in some fresh concrete there. No one will find them for at least 100 years.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-09-25 at 4:16 PM UTCI wonder how well a woodchipper would work. Maybe if you collected it into a bag and ran them few a few times?
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2017-09-25 at 4:57 PM UTC
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 I wonder how well a woodchipper would work. Maybe if you collected it into a bag and ran them few a few times?
you'd have to pull that machine apart and thoroughly clean every piece of it to be sure there wasn't DNA evidence in there.
and even then you couldn't be 100%
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2017-09-25 at 5:01 PM UTCBury it in a shallow grave on the outskirts of some nearby woods.
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2017-09-25 at 5:44 PM UTC
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2017-09-25 at 6 PM UTCY'all motherfuckaz ever watch Forensic Files tho?
Them niggaz be goin HARD tho. That's a show to watch if you wanna see all the weird ass shit they can do now to bust your ass. Finding 25 year old petroleum remnants in tree roots and shit, linking yo azz to some shit you never eent knew they could do nigga -
2017-09-25 at 8:33 PM UTC
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2017-09-25 at 8:34 PM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ Y'all motherfuckaz ever watch Forensic Files tho?
Them niggaz be goin HARD tho. That's a show to watch if you wanna see all the weird ass shit they can do now to bust your ass. Finding 25 year old petroleum remnants in tree roots and shit, linking yo azz to some shit you never eent knew they could do nigga
That show makes me paranoid -
2017-09-25 at 9:14 PM UTCCoat the person in concrete and then display them as a statue on your front lawn.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-09-25 at 9:15 PM UTC
