Originally posted by Piles of Crack
Pro tip, don't blow fishscale cocaine if you're on Effexor XR.
Oh man, PoC, blowing fishcale on something with strong norepinephrine reuptake inhibition.
What happened? What was it like? I'm guessing awful.
Cocaine may actually be an inverse agonist of dopamine and possibly NE too IIRC. I'd like to know how it interacted with something that elicits NRI.
Originally posted by Piles of Crack
Looks like I'm single again, big surprise there. Who would expect that someone with borderline personality disorder, autism and depression can't handle maintaining an intimate relationship?
Uhh, to be perfectly honest, it's pretty clear Hydro is really unstable. I mean, I'm not entirely sure, but I've heard some very concerning things about her from §m£ÂgØL, which may actually be true. I was genuinely worried she would drive you to suicide and that it wouldn't necessarily take that long.
I mean, yeesh, the crazy of two people like you combining is not likely to turn out well. It's like,
BOOM!Dude, you shouldn't even blame yourself. I'm completely serious, you were taking a major risk, but I thought it was best for you to take it anyway.
Read this, there's a very good reason for it, it's not about Hydro or relationships:
Well, no, I know how you react, because I actually
massively overreact to anything negative from other people IRL. If anyone does anything to hurt me, even just a negative facial expression (It's angry looking eyes, particularly with a matching voice, that bother me the most. A good coping strategy would be to look away whenever someone is upset/angry or being hurtful.), tone of voice, raising their voice, or, worst, insulting and yelling at me, threatening me, anything negative, my emotional reaction, how excessive it is compared to how serious it would actually seem to a normal person, is literally likely multiplied at least 4 times. Then I keep replaying the memory excessively in my head, and the memory is encoded unusually clearly to begin with, is filmographic, which only makes it worse because the effect of remembering is stronger, and you know I never forget anything. I can't fucking help it, likely due to the standard (severe) OCD aspect of autism/aspergers, sometimes it just pops up and pisses me off, makes me hate people, not want to be around anyone or trust them, ever have any close relationships of any kind, even friendship, and I can also develop extremely violent revenge fantasies that are unbelievably out of proportion to what they did, although my excessive emotional response skews my perception, gets out of control, and I begin to justify it in various ways, fixate and go over all the ways that they're awful, bad/terrible people, and the world would be better off without them. Of course these are just impotent fantasies and I never come close to going through with them, just being extremely adverse, conflict avoidant, and reclusive, simply ignoring or avoiding people. Of course I know that it isn't good for me, but in the past I either justified it and felt I didn't want to or shouldn't change, that it was everyone else that was the problem, this terrible world I never chose or asked to be born into, or I simply didn't care and kept enraging myself more and more. I know this only made things worse and I needed to make a vow to break the cycle once and for all. Or, it's not necessarily anger. Despite how abrasive, cold, distant, sadistic/with a fucked up/evil sense of humor I can come across as having, saying whatever I want, what's on my mind, what I genuinely believe in no matter how offensive it is,
I'm actually extremely, excessively/overwhelmingly sensitive and easily hurt, to the point of pain, where I feel I can't handle normal relationships like normal people do because of this. Even in elementary and middle school I remember crying at things most boys wouldn't cry at. In middle school just boys in my class I was hanging out with being abrasive and making jokes at my expense, which they do to everyone, would make me cry immediately sometimes. I distinctly remember it would make everyone go quite and feel awkward and once of them said, "He's just doing it for attention.", which wasn't true. Or not even someone being angry, but just feeling rejected, ignored, that someone/people didn't care about me, if I or something I did, gave to someone, felt/was unappreciated etc.
Of course all this is the core, the actual reason for how I act.
The reason I asked you to read that, which was completely honest and true, is because I wanted to ask this: Did that sound incredibly familiar to you?
I swear, I could be a better ASD specialist, psychologist, therapist, and overall psychiatrist than the vast majority of these stupid useless motherfuckers. Who's going to know autism better than a high IQ aspie with hyper-memory and rapid reading speed who's incredibly obsessed with it and has poured over endless research? What in the fuck do they teach them at school? It's like they barely know shit but the most basic understanding, and they have to check their reference book a lot of the time anyway, so they don't even really understand most medication or disorders. They say such fucking retarded shit, recommendations, act elitist as if they earned it, belittling, egotistical, petty, utterly moronic false diagnoses, absolute cowards when it comes to medication and treatment resistant disorders, completely generic and unimaginative, many clearly made a mistake in their career choice and don't enjoy it, stopped caring a long time ago and just look bored out of their mind and perpetually dead inside, living for no other reason than to get through the day, like they're constantly following a script, may as well be replaced by an iPad/tablet with a questionnaire etc.
If you're interested, when you have time, because I know my posts tend to be long as hell walls of text and hard to get through, especially the ones about neuroscience, give this a read. I explain the neurological aspects behind this, which are crucial to fully understanding why we're like this:
https://niggasin.space/post/221304I'm so certain of this, there are an unbelieveable amount of papers/studies I've full read that support this, that I genuinely want gamma knife surgery to lesion part of the right hemisphere of my amygdala. I came across a post on socialanxietysupport some time ago from someone who did this exact thing for severe lifelong anxiety that wouldn't go away, to the point where she was agoraphobic and it destroyed her life, she was unable to live independently. It may sound crazy, but, no, it's an incredibly sound non-invasive technique and the section targeted will simply undergo apoptosis (cell death) and gradually wither away over the course of a year, which allows your brain to adjust better, as opposed to receiving a sudden shock from invasive surgery that removes it with sharp instruments. At this point I've done such an immense amount of research, have come to such a full understanding of what autism is, that I am 100% certain this would be the key long-term treatment for what has caused the most damage, hardship, and suffering in my life. It's only around 10K if you go to an excellent overseas hospital that caters to medical tourists. They're actually better and safer than US hospitals, all staff speaks english, doctor's were often trained in the US etc. and of course the prices don't come close to the insane levels they do in they do in the US, the worst in the world by far.
I can't take massive doses of benzos every day for my entire life. Unfortunately due to the pharmaceutical industry, possibly the most corrupt and flat out evil there is, which also has the highest profit margin, at something like a 28% average for the sector, which is fucking ridiculous, and the stupidity of man, an array of factors affecting researchers, academics, who publish papers and attempt to produce drugs, we're essentially still mostly the exact same shit we did 40 years ago and it's no more effective. How in the hell do they think it feels when it's been this long and there's still no effective medication/treatment, no cure, in sight? Are we supposed to just suck it up and learn to live with it? How is that supposed to feel, living with this hell, suffering and hardship every day without end, no reprieve, for potentially decades? Fuck that, I'm taking matters into my own hands. How many people have psychiatrists killed by being too fucking lazy and stupid to research the truth about Nardil/MAOIs and giving them to people who actually need them as opposed to piece of shit SSRI after SSRI. I guarantee you they won't be able to give you a good explanation for why another will work when others haven't. It's basically just, "How do you know it won't?" Oh gee, low side effect profile (low liability for them), easy to use/for them to deal with, most patients aren't seriously depressed anyway and just need someone to bitch to, to feel like they're being listened to, cared about/that someone cares, and hope is on the way/beginning/possible, a placebo effect, and time for whatever's going on in their life to resolve. God I fucking hate people, and you get lumped in with these stupid motherfuckers. To answer "How do you know it won't work?" Well, gee, maybe because it's never come even fucking close before regardless of dose or time, despite the vast array I've already tried and failed? Not only that, but the drop in the depression rating for SSRIs is only statistically significant for severe depression, not mild or moderate. Even then it's only about an average of 8 points at most IIRC. So if you're continually near the max level like I was, around 40-44/50 and you drop 8 points to 32, you're still pretty fucking depressed! And that 8 point drop is only for people that respond to them, and your odds of responding become increasingly lower the more medication you've tried. In fact, you're supposed to be labeled treatment resistant after failing 2-3 medications, not continually put on the SSRI carousel, but of course these stupid motherfuckers probably don't even know that. So what really should be asked isn't "How do you know they don't work?", you should be the one explaining this and asking "Explain to me how in the fuck it's reasonable to expect that it
will work and is going to cure my depression! Can you do basic fucking math?! What the fuck is 40 minus 32?! Can you do percentages, you fucking stupid motherfucker, what are the odds I'm even going to respond to this based on the studies I just showed you? Multiply the percentage by the average effect on responders by 8 and tell me what that is. So on average it's going to reduce the severity of people like me by
1 motherfucking point?! Why in the fuck are you even a psychiatrist, you useless piece of shit?!"
You know, something like that.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-04T00:56:10.213643+00:00Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-04T00:58:55.311206+00:00
