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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-07-12 at 7:10 AM UTC
You should read it. After the Schopenhauer quotes it deals specifically with Buddhism. Oh, what's the point?, you're too stupid to understand/correctly interpret it anyway and are just going to go off on a moronic tangent even if you do believe there is some value in it.
Have you ever considered that you're just BORING and that nobody wants to read your well-sourced, random topic drivel? I don't come here to read your blog. I come here to shit post. -
2016-07-12 at 7:22 AM UTCShit posting is more interesting to you? What a dull mind you must have.
I also remembered what I had forgotten: I want to look for a way to block sexual desire without effecting hormones (testosterone). I've hated the effect it has on people more than nearly any other human trait since puberty, I want to see women unclouded by that vile force. -
2016-07-12 at 7:26 AM UTCYes, it is more interesting than you.
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2016-07-14 at 8:11 PM UTCIf I it can happen, it will happen, and likely itll happen to me- hence why I am in WDs despite having all the money not to be. Fuck life and Fuck people.
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2016-07-15 at 3:03 AM UTCWell, shit turned about right quick- had more sticky goo in the jar than I expected and was sick earlier today for no good reason, but Ill make it until the shit arrives tomorrow, so hur-fucking-ray for that. Had an interesting proposition today also- the old guy with all the health issues whom Ive been staying with, he offered me 5k for custody of my son. Recently, I found out that when he was in his early 20's he was married briefly and had a son. His son died of SIDs at 3 months old and shortly after, the marriage deteriorated, because she blamed him for the baby dying. Since then he's been very upset over it, but since my son has been around him nearly everyday since Ive been here, hes been so happy, along with my macaw, he has hour long conversations with my bird, insisting he stay in his living room with him and spoiling the shit out of both my son and my bird. He also offtered me money for my bird so when I do leave he wont have to say goodbye to him, but I declined and told him that as long as he wants him at his home, he will stay there, I could not take money for him. He believes my son is his son reincarnated, which seems weird being that he is catholic, a very strict catholic at that- this dude lights prayer candles all the time, and has this woman come to give him communion every week, since his health is poor and he has trouble walking and cant go to mass. I'm not going to trade my son for money, but lol what an interesting offer- when I was a baby my grandfather (who also wasnt related to me by blood, my dad's stepfather) offered 100k and the house he ended up selling to my parents for custody of me, which my dad refused. Well, at least my son has gained a "grandfather" ho genuinely loves and cares for him as his own, and I know for a fact that man is already planning to leave my son a reasonable inheritance and/or a college fund. He truly is a great guy, and if it wasn;t for my other family here, if something did happen to me, if his health was better, I would certainly consider leaving him in the custody of, but noway am I leaving my child with anyone as long as I am alive. I'm already working on applying for SSI, just a matter of getting some papers in the mail and going for my appointment- Malice, maybe you wont respond because you disagree with my actions regarding my child, but if you would and do have any advice for getting on SSI? I recall you posting something regarding it a long time ago, but I think it was on RDFRN. Anyway, I'm just waiting for ma drugz to arrive sometime before noon tomorrow- hip-hip-motherfucking-hurrray.
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2016-07-15 at 5:37 AM UTCRight now I don't feel any negative emotion toward you, but I can't compromise on my values.
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2016-07-15 at 5:42 AM UTCAlso, Trump once again demonstrates that he is a marketing genius: https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/4svmz0/trump_releases_pokemon_gothemed_attack_ad_against/d5ci4ki?st=iqnauenj&sh=46663616
Pokemon Go also become more popular than porn (well, the search term) on Google. -
2016-07-16 at 12:36 AM UTCI realized that my actions make perfect sense if I don't actually want to live, but am simply responding to some of the most primal instincts (eat, sleep, get the closest thing to love/social interaction and belonging you can, pass the time with entertainment the equivalent of a very weak dopamine drip. And also that this is degenerative, and most dangerously, I am losing the will to live, with significant weight loss and skipping meals, knowing what my actions will lead to, yet still following the same path. Passivity.
Too afraid to live, too afraid to die (one of the most fundamental fears, the one that arguably remains above all. Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave.
I pretty much have the mental health equivalent of stage 4 cancer.
One of the most disturbing disorders may be avolition, where you can ultimately lose the ability to use your will power. I've experienced it, although not necessarily to the fullest extent. -
2016-07-16 at 12:54 AM UTCI respect that, Malice. I don't want anyone to compromise their beliefs or values- that is why we conflict with the issue regarding my son, I don't have an issue with giving him up, but I have to make sure things are squared away and my baby is safe, and as of right now, I couldn't give him for adoption because of my exhusband- I have tried 3 times to do so, but I can't because he refuses to sign the paper work for the adoption agency- this is why my son is still in my custody, my only other option is to give him to 'family' and they are just as bad as my exhusband- I wish I could give my son the life he deserves, but my exhusband is a faggot and is making this baby suffer because he has the power to do so, and he knows this is §m£ÂgØL's biological child, and hating §m£ÂgØL, he can make is offspring suffer. I've struggled being hung up on giving my son away, but I swear, had it not been this hard because of my exhusband (and even §m£ÂgØL's influence at times) my child would be with some rich family months and months ago.
As of right now I am in the ER again for pneumonia. This will be the 3rd time this year alone I've had it. My lung feels like a knife is stabbing it every time I take a breath. Everyone else I've been around has fine, my son had a runny nose and a fever like 4 days ago, but as of right now he has been fine. Because I've been so bad and was sure this is pneumonia I've been taking his temp. regularly and listening to his lungs with the stethoscope, just to make sure he isn't getting what I have. I don't know if I got something different, because he just briefly got sick, one fever, and a little runny nose for a day- the following day I woke up with a fever, and my throat sore, along with my sinuses running and feeling raw, then it just... I couldnt breathe well and kept coughing up colorful green jellyfish, and my lung feels like a knife. They just gave me 3 treatments of alburterol and now my heart feels like its going to explode- this is after they discussed if they should or not since my heart rate and BP were already through the roof. I hate fucking doctors. I am here just to get some antibiotics IVed like they should, yet they fucking are dicking around and haven't even given me pain meds when I'm clearly in severe pain (fuck them, I got my T-PAIN today- time to take a heavy duty dose). This hospital is fucked and I haven't even seen a goddamned doctor- but they sure have pestered me for my insurance shit. -
2016-07-16 at 4:11 PM UTCI love you, Malice. I wish you were my brother and we grew up together.
Copy paste everything you write onto a harddrive, we lost lots of your stuff when all the forums closed. That sucked. -
2016-07-16 at 4:16 PM UTCAnd don't die, motherfucker.
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2016-07-16 at 4:27 PM UTC
But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caverns and forests. Lonely one, you are going the way to yourself! And your way goes past yourself, and past your seven devils! You will be a heretic to yourself and witch and soothsayer and fool and doubter and unholy one and villain. You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame: how could you become new, if you had not first become ashes?
Keep it one hundo. -
2016-07-16 at 10:05 PM UTCRiseR, Malice is the best contributor to this forum- at least as far as drug, health, and psychiatric topics go, and he's even contributed to more topics in depth than just that. I genuinely feel bad for all his mental health problems and I wish I could help- he has directly impacted my shitty life in a positive way, which has made my quality of life so much better than it was or could have been, and he's even impacted my child's life positively (we still are doing the sublingual royal jelly, though I kept forgetting for a while before moving, but despite all the shit, we are back on track). Ifnot for Malice, my father whom suffered greatly in chronic pain, would have suffered a hell of a out worse before he died if not for the information he posted about T-PAIN. He even helped me try to sort out a drug regemin for my grandmother who was suffering from dementia and other psychiatric shit- at least for the time she was on it, she did show signs of improvement, but ultimately she gave into her crazy batshit pettyshit of sticking her head in the sand and running from her problems because she hated exterting any effort into improving shit (and now I have a fuckload of seligiline left over, along with a bunch of other drugs I got for her). He definitely was on to something though. I would trust him far more and take his advice over the average medical proffesional or shrink- this nigga, despite his own problems, has a wealth of knowledge and sound advice. Im gonna be working to get onto nardil (and hey, Mal, despite however you feel about guiding me with advice- if you do sort out a source, if it doesn't conflict with your values, ifyoud let me know- this is your advisement anyway and lets be real, none of us nigga's wants to deal with doctors or psychiatrists if itcan be avoided.) I'd have tried before now if it wasn't such a pain in the ass to be prescribed.
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2016-07-17 at 12:51 AM UTC*clap, clap* its the letter of the DAY!.... Marijuana and sesame street is a hell of a thing. Lol this one episode of Elmo's World, §m£ÂgØL, my roomie, and I would be watching this shit for hours being stoned with my son and this one part they are showing how to wrap a gift because this episode its "Dorothy's" birthday and she is a dumb little living gold fish in a fishbowl. We ALL would get so made at these kids showing the 'how to WRAP a present' part because they did pisspoor awful- two of the 3 kids didn't even WRAP the fuckin presents for fucking Dorothy, one kid placed a bow on top, the other just threw it in a fucking bag, and the one wee tiny niglet did the most awful job wrapping the present with aluminium foil,but at least she did WRAP the fucking present when this was supposedto be teaching my child to WRAP a fucking present. I can't believe this is the shit Im playing on my laptop most the time... Well, thank God my son also likes Rick and Morty sometimes. He also likes dancing and likes what I prefer to listen to (from day one this baby has been rocking out to motorhead- born to raise hell) so there I that- its fucking cute as fuck when he gets into it. He is really fun to play with especially when I smoke some bud, and I dont particularly like playing with kids in general. Has really a good baby. He has been so calm and for the most part, a very content baby who smiles a shit ton. Ive considered getting him into modeling because he is so photogenic and easy as fuck to get him to smile. Most of the pics I have areof him smiling big and wide. Every mother brags about their little geneticly similar turd they harbored in their cunt for 9-almost 10 months- so yeah...Ive become one of them, but if he was retard child, I'd admit it. Fuck, hes probably gonna be a faggot too. I sent §m£ÂgØL these pics Itookaround christmasbecause I bought him these blue fairy wings and had them on him- he was crawling and smiling and having such a good time with his momma- anyway I sent them along with the text message being "look at my FAIRYFAGGGOT BABY!" and later we talked about it and he kinda while laughing with me made me feel bad for calling him a fairy faggot (but he was and OMG he was so fucking cute!) but it doesn't matter since Ill love and support him no matter how much a faggot he is or isnt. Hes a good little boshka- I really haven't felt good today with lung feeling like its either gonna fall off or be coughed up (Im sure the reefer didn't help) due to having ppneumonia but he has really picked my spirits up today. Its the little things in life that make it worthwhile.
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2016-07-17 at 12:56 AM UTCAlso- *clap, clap* its the letter of the motherfuckin' day! I really need to dl the movie Heavy Metal for him to watch again, it was my favorite when I was 5 and he liked it the first time we watched it but he was younger and his attention span wasn't all there for any movie or show then, so it was iustbursts of him watchingand laughing- he will probably enjoy it a lotmore now.
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2016-07-17 at 4:21 PM UTCI need some lavazza coffee and green tea... OOOHHH looks like my sources got hacked emails, texts from a BLM founder about an attack similar to Dallas taking place in Baton Rogue and it HAPPENED. its a good sunday
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2016-07-17 at 11 PM UTCThe only bit of page 99 I've read is Hydro considering selling her child for 5 grand. I don't know what else she said cos I'm too drunk to be reading walls of text, but my god. 5 bags won't buy you enough heroin.
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2016-07-17 at 11:14 PM UTCI fucking hate people who have kids and then continue with their addictions to the detriment of their child. Last weekend I had to watch the police take away a child cos the parents were on a 2 week speed binge. You're clearly a terrible parent and person, you probably should just give him up for adoption and kill yourself. He'd be much much better without you and fucking §m£ÂgØL as parents. Both of you should kill yourselves.
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2016-07-17 at 11:18 PM UTCFuck that bullshit about your ex husband making him suffer, YOU, and only YOU, are making him suffer. OD.
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2016-07-18 at 1:26 AM UTChttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3416662/
Individuals suffering from AS/HFA typically show pedantic speech often with monotonous or exaggerated vocal intonation
I didn't know the latter pattern of speech was associated with it.
Damn, I noticed it the first time. I thought I had missed it.over enunciated to the point of sounding unnatural sometimes despite the fact that I tend to talk too fast overall. I've had the same shitty speech pattern literally since I can remember, just it's deeper and goofier sounding, so the most noticeable element of it from my perspective is that it sounds childish. Like every other word I say sounds like a kid who just heard an idiomatic pronunciation of something and is trying to imitate it for the first time.
I yearn for the day for when I can give my psychoanalysis to one of the most optimal people in your life.
"What can you tell me about Lan Rogers?"
"Well, he was into that whole SF tech thing."
"SF tech thing?"
"Well, for one, I think he was a closeted homosexual with gender identity issues, a methamphetamine/stimulant addict who claims to have only used it to enhance productivity, had underlying issues with depression, a sense of inadequacy, self-hatred, a sort of manifestation of profound loneliness when he was by himself, which I don't believe he was aware of, there being a pathology that would explain this, and which I'm uncertain as to how to describe. As for the underlying issues, which, actually, he confessed to in private, except for the latter, it leads me to two facts: One, he was an alcoholic, the extent of which he was unwilling to come to terms with, two, I recall a time when he mentioned that he was so uncomfortable with being alone with his thoughts, boredom and having nothing to do, that he had, or would rather, resort to self-injury. Now, in actuality this last claim isn't unusual as there was an experiment conducted where around half, somewhere around that, possibly higher, of subjects placed in that environment, resorted to giving themselves electric shocks out of boredom, or as opposed to thinking. But what struck me most was that he had stated, provoked by a prior segment of a conversation, that he could see his thoughts leading to uncomfortable places, such as during an incident at the DMV. He also stated that if he did not do one thing he was good at every day, he would hate himself. Returning to alcoholism at night, after work, when he was alone, and his desire to be in state of captivation when programming at work, I believe it was an attempt to drown out, to prevent these negative thoughts, from arising; which I can certainly relate to, having had it led to...a state that would draw too much attention from the subject at hand. He will likely eventually become profoundly unfulfilled and disillusioned, leading either to eventual suicide or a lifestyle that is consumed by severe alcoholism and eventually leads to his death. It is also very possible that he may have qualified as being on the autism spectrum, having assumed a wide variety of things that suggested this, some subtle, and he seemed profoundly unnerved by the idea of confronting this, although he was most likely relatively mild on the high functioning end or merely had a high autism spectrum quotient score, having been spared from the most problematic symptoms. This may have have been at the root of many of his problems in life, and had he been able to come to terms with them and seek therapy, his tragic downfall may have been avoided."
No, funeral. If only both of your parents were still alive to have heard it. I couldn't have taken the chance of their death had the portrait been complete, murdering you and making it appear as a suicide, which I'm confident I had the aptitude for (haha, reminds me of checking out a book at the library on forensics like 5 years ago) would have been the best route, sparing you from a life of suffering, yet at the same time making myself unforgivable, although you would not experience the aftermath.
I wouldn't actually do this, I just felt a need to document this as the idea had manifested some time ago.