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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-01-21 at 7:02 AM UTC"It's just an absolute mess. I really should stop posting about and focus on recovery."
Your texts really helped to reflect on myself but a I totally agree with this. You're on the right track but you are getting repetitive again. I can really relate to that.
It's like having all the tools and incredients to cook a meal but instead of cooking the meal we repeat the process in our brains and think it over again and again while starving to death right next to it. -
2016-01-21 at 7:19 AM UTCIma be pissed if I end up dependent on etizolam, I don't even like it very much. It just makes rewatching/rereading things more fun (actually does seem to continue without bound, even at fairly low doses there isn't total memory erasure but it disrupts memory formation sufficiently that there's no significant reenforcement after initial exposure, may even go in the other direction, Ghibli stuff has gotten progressively better). It's just a nice sleep aid, end of the day wind down. It's terrible though makes thinking hard and combos well with weed so the two usually go together and pretty much represent a descent to blissful retardation.
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2016-01-21 at 8:16 AM UTCI should stop that shit as well. Fighting through brainmud all day everyday fucking sucks. Back to the uppers.
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2016-01-21 at 8:28 AM UTCYe mang, I've got a thing for stims but there's a pretty clear upper bound on how much "100% on" I can enjoy in a day so it's actually self regulating to a degree, even a bender has to come down eventually. Sedation/anxiolysis is something I can drag out for days, stumbling around, pretty much as long as I can speak without sluring no one seems to be able to tell I'm about 5 minutes from passing out at my desk.
Pretty rare that it actually gets that bad but the fact that it can get to that point without any external intervention is concerning. -
2016-01-21 at 10:24 AM UTCLanny, do you ever feel negatively about being alone? What brought this to mind was walking and looking at houses, passing by some restaurants/fast food places, and the scent, the warmth, the warm atmosphere, reminding me of that feeling of close social connections, meetings between people, the houses reminded me of the feeling of having a family, the warmth.
I mean, there's the issue of independence and privacy, of course, but there's still something there, that feeling of having people waiting for you, the support, nurturing, even having them do things for you was nice., just knowing they care about you and you can go to them for help.
"To be in love is to be as gay as in company, as free as in solitude."
I never would have imagined it, but I've come to realize that at this point I hate being alone. I feel I've had enough solitude for a lifetime. The problem is finding the right person to live with, under the right living arrangements.
Of course you have your need for social interaction filled via work and friends, possibly other things I don't know about, so from that healthy base it's normal to be able to enjoy time alone. It's just when there's nothing but solitude and hasn't been for a very long time that it radically alters your conscious experience, the way you view the world and how it feels.
Also, do you regret being sent to the shitty school you went to and not really having people you could relate with, really being challenged and engaged? What if you had had the opportunity to go to a school for the gifted, a gifted and talented program, having been able to meet unique people you could really relate to and engage with, this unique intellectual atmosphere. Do you feel resentment for how much better those years of your life could have been? Although you ended up turning out well. -
2016-01-21 at 3:56 PM UTC
Ye mang, I've got a thing for stims but there's a pretty clear upper bound on how much "100% on" I can enjoy in a day so it's actually self regulating to a degree, even a bender has to come down eventually. Sedation/anxiolysis is something I can drag out for days, stumbling around, pretty much as long as I can speak without sluring no one seems to be able to tell I'm about 5 minutes from passing out at my desk.
Pretty rare that it actually gets that bad but the fact that it can get to that point without any external intervention is concerning.
pm me a vendor
etizy are fags now because they only accept bulk orders when I used to be able to get a 10 strip for like 6 dollars -
2016-01-21 at 6:16 PM UTCFUCK.
*necks bottle of wine* -
2016-01-21 at 8:52 PM UTCNECK.
*fucks bottle of wine* -
2016-01-21 at 9:31 PM UTC
pm me a vendor
etizy are fags now because they only accept bulk orders when I used to be able to get a 10 strip for like 6 dollars
http://www.purposechem.com/ -
2016-01-21 at 11:14 PM UTCLooks like I'm back with my ex, cool. At least I have someone again.
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2016-01-22 at 2:34 AM UTCWhat if prolonged severe depression contributed to the drastic reduction of my autistic symptoms by reducing brain activity (slowed thoughts, foggy brain/cloudy mind, blank mind, are common symptoms, and scans show there's a neurological basis for this), causing a drastic decrease in BDNF production, leading to lower synapses (insufficient synaptic pruning is one of the neurological factors involved in autism, many more synapses) along with contributing to the overall lower brain activity (intense world theory), rock bottom testosterone levels reducing some of the extreme maleness, along with the behaviors it triggers, which fit within the evolutionary theory of depression,desire to reconnect with tribe/elicit supportive behavior along with the pro-social behavior to support this, increased empathy, feelings of guilt (related to empathy/emotion).
And curing my severe depression will lead to a return to an autistic state, possibly causing a vicious cycle where I'm unable to maintain social relationships, at least satisfactory healthy ones. Well, there's no way I would be as depressed and unsatisfied with life as I am now. There's also the Jekyll and Hyde "cyclic psychopathy" I've noticed correlates strongly with my mood. Of course I can engage in cognitive behavioral therapy, attempt to control/subdue it and alter my behaviors, but what if it's my natural base state when I'm not depressed?
I suppose we'll just have to find out. -
2016-01-22 at 5:31 AM UTC
Lanny, do you ever feel negatively about being alone?
That's an interesting question. When I was a kid I spent a lot of time alone, most of it with computers. I remember my mom periodically asking me if I was lonely, I genuinely didn't have the subjective experience of feeling negatively when alone so I always said I didn't know. I'm still not sure I know. I've never had a particular emotional longing for company, by and large boredom is my singular source of displeasure and I've been able to self-entertain since I learned the internet was a thing. So I'm tempted to say no.
On the other hand I was kind of an unhappy kid. Even for a good chunk of college I was, uhh, not depressed per se but I just didn't feel any "magic", one day was much like the next and I didn't particularly care about any of them, almost all the elements of my existence felt like a slog. And the emotional high points of my life have almost always coincided with comparatively more human interaction but it's never felt causative (that is to say I've never felt that having more people in my life makes me happier, but being happier tends to coincide with with people in my life). I think to an extent it's the platonic ideal of other people that's more important to me personally than individuals.
Sartre said some interesting things about the nature of "the other", like the realization of oneself as an object of perception for another consciousness. He was kinda grim about it, he said being perceived like that reduced us to less than our subjective experience. I kinda think the opposite is the case, the full acknowledgement of an equal subjectivity in others is profound. Whatever motivations we have ourselves, they are as strong or stronger in others. I think I posted about how I get along with my younger cousin pretty well, like when I interact with her I see the psychology of a full person but one which is obviously better attuned to the experience of happiness than my own. And that's pretty crazy right? That's like another thing which is even more real, even more worthwhile than me, and being me is the experiential limit on how profound things can get (you can't experience greater profundity than what the profundity that you experience). With whatever conviction I pursue my own goals, if I am to suppose any sort of objectivity in reasoning, then I should proportionally feel even greater conviction in the defense/advancement of the interests of those who are capable of greater happiness.
Anyway, I guess the gist is no, I've never felt negatively about being alone, although I feel profoundly positive about supporting, helping others.I never would have imagined it, but I've come to realize that at this point I hate being alone. I feel I've had enough solitude for a lifetime. The problem is finding the right person to live with, under the right living arrangements.
Is that really the problem though? Most people will call the familial relationship satisfying, or at least important, and yet it's essentially random assignment. One person isn't that different from the next, "finding the right person" isn't so much about seeking out some objective quality in the world embodied in another organism as it is about cultivating the appropriate attitude in oneself.
There's some word in ancient greek that's generally translated to "cultivate" and I wish I knew what it was. We don't have a good analogue in English but it's so commonly used by the ancients it's obvious it's own word/phrase and the nuance of the meaning is lost in a literal reading of "cultivate". Like you have to read a bunch of crazy ass dead greeks before you get what it means (presumably knowing greek would enable the same). The decision to translate some words versus others is interesting. Like "eudaimonia" is most commonly translated into "wellbeing" but modern translators usually leave it as eudaimonia because it means something subtly different. Whatever we translate into cultivate should have been the same, I'd argue the ancients' usage of it is more different from "cultivate" than wellbeing is from eudaimonia. Anyway, the point is to go cultivate the ability to enjoy the company of others in yourself rather than trying to seek out the ideal roommate or whatever.
And of course there's this whole ritual of you being like "I'm lonely" and me being like "hey, wanna hang out or whatever" and you being like "nahhhhh" and me being mildly embarrassed for offering in the first place (the occupy incident being perhaps the most amusing embodiment of this). Bue regardless, my sense of martyrdom will almost always trump my sense of shame so if you ever actually get to the point of being able to do things with people I go to concerts or movies or whatever on a weekly basis and you're always welcome to join in with me and the rest of society in having fun.Also, do you regret being sent to the shitty school you went to and not really having people you could relate with, really being challenged and engaged? What if you had had the opportunity to go to a school for the gifted, a gifted and talented program, having been able to meet unique people you could really relate to and engage with, this unique intellectual atmosphere. Do you feel resentment for how much better those years of your life could have been? Although you ended up turning out well.
Another interesting question! I've thought about this a lot, although not usually from the angle of "I went to school with dunces". The most common case is when I think about my asian friends who had tiger moms, almost all of them can play an instrument pretty damn well and that's a skill I really do envy. I have a lot of fun with my generative music but I always feel like I could do better if I had a background in real music theory rather than the random collection of tidbits I make use of. So I frequently have this experience of being like "damn, I wish my parents had pressured me into learning violin or whatever".
But then on closer inspection I ask people like this, who acquired skills through parental pressure, if they actively maintain those skills. If they enjoy doing so. And the answer is almost always no to one or both of those. I dickride existentialists a lot, I did in this post. I basically professed my homosexual love for Camus in post or two back. But on a deep level I think there's something to be said for natural inclinations, for essential properties of persons. Kinda like the idea of a "calling". I'm really only any good at one thing but when I think about why, like when I look at my own reasons for doing it, for becoming good at it, I can't help but feel like it's an inextricable element of my nature. Like I could never have been otherwise. I think that if my parents had forced anything else down my throat, if I had gone to a magnet school or something, I might have become technically competent at other things but the intimate ritual, the nearly spiritual connection I have with my one defining skill, there's nothing in my past that could have changed that. No matter how much I worked at it I never could have been as good of a musician or biologist or anything else as I am as a code monkey.
So I guess the answer is no, I don't regret time spent with juvenile delinquents. If anything the general freedom I had as a youth to make bad decisions, to pick what I wanted to do, to be a lazy shit instead of being challenged helped me find the one thing I could be happy doing. There's that story about Psamtik having a child be raised by mutes in order to discover what the "natural language" was, that is the language a child would develop in the absence of other speakers. If that ever actually happened (doubtful) the child would of course simply failed to develop language. But I think there's something to be said for not trying to "challenge" people. If there is anything worth spending human effort on then each person should be able to come to the conclusion that that challenge, the challenge they personally accept of their own volition and as part of their nature, is the appropriate one.pm me a vendor
etizy are fags now because they only accept bulk orders when I used to be able to get a 10 strip for like 6 dollars
BY sells in bulk these days, I bought 5g a while ago and dose it volumetrically. Purposechem is the best price I've seen at that volume but they seem perpetually out of stock. spade@riseup sells at low volume for reasonable prices although I've yet to successfully order from him (stock issues, no reason to think he's not trustworthy but no reason yet to think he is either). -
2016-01-22 at 6:07 AM UTCMore Camus dickriding:
“I think according to words and not according to ideasâ€
Reminds me of the famous "Chinese Room" thought experiment. Sometimes during good relatively lucid trips I have the striking sensation of being a mechanical process for transforming linguistic inputs to linguistic output, my thought process is really inseparable from language and when I think about the turns of phrase that make up my written/spoken "style" I realize these are really an ingrained part of my ability to reason. Kinda related to the eval/apply comment a few pages back, I sometimes think "if I'm an S-expression, which one am I?" and it's interesting that given a finite human lifespan there must be at least one that really could be substituted in any system for myself. Whether or not it could be simply enough expressed in a sufficiently general system to call it endowed with intelligence is another question (I have the strong intuition the answer is yes, if we admit that simplicity of expression is a sufficient criteria for intelligence at least) but the idea of being a linguistic thing before a rational thing seems immediately and intuitively appealing to me. -
2016-01-22 at 6:43 AM UTC
I remember my mom periodically asking me if I was lonely, I genuinely didn't have the subjective experience of feeling negatively when alone so I always said I didn't know. I'm still not sure I know. I've never had a particular emotional longing for company
Having difficulty identifying and expressing your emotions is a standard symptom of being on the autism spectrum, along with how you feel about social relations. I know I've bugged you about this before, but it's a spectrum, everyone has autistic traits to some extent, and the AQ (Asperger's/Autism quotient) does vary significantly by major, just like it doe for gender, general intelligence, other personality traits, the most relevant being the systemizing/empathizing scale. Something I was reading recently noted, oh, here it is: http://anthro.vancouver.wsu.edu/media/Course_files/anth-395-nicole-hess/2008_bc_jep_autism_hypersystemizing_and_truth.pdfThe evidence for systemizing being part of the “broader autism phenotype†includes the finding that fathers—and even grandfathers—of children with ASC are twice as likely to work in the occupation of engineering (a clear example of a systemizing occupation) (Baron-Cohen, Wheelwright, Stott, Bolton, & Goodyer, 1997b). Students in the natural sciences (engineering, mathematics, physics) also have a higher number of relatives with autism (Baron-Cohen et al., 1998). Mathematicians have a higher rate of AS, and so do their siblings (Baron-Cohen, Wheelwright, Burtenshaw, & Hobson, in press). Both mothers and fathers of children with AS have been found to be strong in systemizing on the Embedded Figures Test (Baron-Cohen & Hammer, 1997a). Finally, there is some evidence that aboveaverage systemizers have more autistic traits. Thus, scientists score higher than nonscientists on the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ). Mathematicians score highest of all scientists on the AQ (Baron-Cohen, Wheelwright, Skinner, Martin, & Clubley, 2001c). These findings suggest a link between systemizing talent and autistic traits, the link being likely to be genetic. We will need molecular genetic studies of both systemizing and ASC to understand the nature of this link.
Computer science is massive on systemizing.
During my ten year period of isolation I genuinely didn't feel lonely or see/understand the value of social relationships. It wasn't until the breaking point that I realized the various signs I had missed/denied of how starved I was of meaningful social relationships, how much happier I would have been with them, and began to realize what I had missed out on and regretted it.
The segment of your quote I bolded struck me as particularly unusual. Have you ever taken an autism/Aspeger's quotient test and taken it seriously, really tried to think back about your behavior, particularly things during childhood that may not readily come to mind? Just curious about what you might score.On the other hand I was kind of an unhappy kid. Even for a good chunk of college I was, uhh, not depressed per se but I just didn't feel any "magic", one day was much like the next and I didn't particularly care about any of them, almost all the elements of my existence felt like a slog. And the emotional high points of my life have almost always coincided with comparatively more human interaction but it's never felt causative (that is to say I've never felt that having more people in my life makes me happier, but being happier tends to coincide with with people in my life). I think to an extent it's the platonic ideal of other people that's more important to me personally than individuals.
Oh yeah, you're definitely reminding me of myself. This is bad. I wonder if 5 or 10 years down the line you're going to have a crisis like I did and realize you're a (mild/moderate) aspie, possibly socialized and adjusted well enough, in a very suitable career; another major factor being that you've been with similar people, same for your major, that allowed the differences relative to the general population to be masked due to your reference point.And of course there's this whole ritual of you being like "I'm lonely" and me being like "hey, wanna hang out or whatever" and you being like "nahhhhh" and me being mildly embarrassed for offering in the first place (the occupy incident being perhaps the most amusing embodiment of this). Bue regardless, my sense of martyrdom will almost always trump my sense of shame so if you ever actually get to the point of being able to do things with people I go to concerts or movies or whatever on a weekly basis and you're always welcome to join in with me and the rest of society in having fun.
What? That was one time years ago, and it was before the breaking point where I came to these realizations, while I was still in my awkward ultra-aspie faze, and I had actually been considering it, but did sort of pussy out/decide against it. I mean, I didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time, and I actually think I had been planning on just taking a picture of you from afar while I had a mask on and then running away (this was back when I thought you were a girl and you still hadn't come clean).
Found the thread! It was over 4 years ago!: http://web.archive.org/web/20140928161939/http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=208214
I've been genuinely suggesting, perhaps not overtly, that we meet multiple times since I don't know how long ago, sometime after we began communicating regularly here, and you repeatedly turned me down or didn't reciprocate. Even recently you blatantly stated:Aww, that's sweet. Don't know why you think I feel superior though. I'd offer to hang out some time but I think we both know that couldn't work.
No no, I have enough real world friends. I only have one half insane drug addicted autistic sadist to bullshit with online. Let's not ruin a good thing.
I think I may have even offered to run errands for you (I'd ask you to time me to see how ridiculously fast I could manage it. You should see how insanely fast and efficiently I'm capable of moving. I used to do this a lot in pre-depression days, and I wasn't even on drugs. There was a stint in middle school where one of the idiosyncrasies I was known for was powerwalking everywhere at a ridiculous speed. Unfortunately, I needed such a high level of stimulation (an accelerated learning or gifted and talented program would have been what I needed), an external outlet for my creative/intellectual energies, that without it, particularly once I stopped having friends and withdrew/shutdown, I just ended falling into a sort of depression/stasis I never came out of, like constantly being half asleep, just lost in my own thoughts.
Did you ever hear that news story about the UC Berkeley/Occupy kids that were arrested for marching on the freeway a few years back? I was actually there for the stimulation and was the only one that managed to figure out how to get out of it (some idiot allegedly tried jumping onto a tree and broke both legs. I was also looking down the sides of the ramp for something suitable to jump onto. Now I'd keep a much simpler solution on hand for situations like this.), although there was definitely a self-selection bias, the more intelligent students being far less likely to go on there to begin with. Something I noticed was that during situations like that (there were others) instead of being overwhelmed I actually felt calmer and more neurotypical than ever before, actually initiated conversations, which normally I would literally never do. After getting away I actually spoke to this girl that was watching from afar and charmed her, alluded to what I had done after asking how she felt about the situation, but when she asked if I wanted to go get coffee or something I just said, "No, that's alright." and walked away. Then when I was waiting to cross the street it seems she was about to try to say something, but I literally began running (not because of her, entirely, it was just let and I wanted to get home, catch the bus/bart), took out the flexicuffs from my jacket sleeve, still attached to one hand (alluded to this while talking to her) and waved them while running.
Haha...fuck. Why didn't I make the connection?! Shit, why did I keep holing myself away and not seek out more stimulation? That story wasn't really necessary, but, ah, man, I wish it hadn't taken me this long to come to these realizations. I just had this massive problem with the idea of human relationships and kept falling into a vicious cycle.
Well, what is youthful energy composed of, anyway? Testosterone/hormone replacement (supplementation) therapy, maybe some stimulant, NSI-189 definitely seems to be reported to bring back some of that youthful quality. It's the way things develop you as a person that I really regret, memories are just shadows of past experience. Regardless of how I could have felt in the past, that time is gone, and I would still be concerned with how I feel in the present.The most common case is when I think about my asian friends who had tiger moms
Very different. Ideally it would be in an area where those schools/programs wouldn't be dominated/have a significant percentage of East Asians. On average personality traits and culture, you know? Let's face it, East Asians tend to be pretty boring. Whites and jedis are the best, the kind with free spirited educated parents. I was thinking more along the lines of that makeup, not the people that are only interesting on paper and have been prepared for the Ivy League their entire life by helicopter parents or tiger moms.
Then again, maybe there just would have been so much pressure/work, so much competition, that there just wouldn't have been much of a social life. And introversion/autistic traits do seem to be over represented there. Maybe it wouldn't have been the ideal I imagined at all, just a different kind of miserable and inadequate. -
2016-01-22 at 7:02 AM UTC“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?â€
*sigh* Poor girl, I should have taken her out for coffee. I'm not exaggerating, it was ridiculous how much attention I received from girls in school despite (possibly in part from) my legendary ultra loner status. No one managed to break through to me, not once. Beginning in 7th grade in particular, the harassment was ridiculous. I have a theory that it may have been due to "extreme maleness" related to autism. I had a full mustache by the end of middle school, and may have been the only one in the school. (Remember, this varies by genetic population.ethnicity. Think East Asians and their facial hair development, the lack of it, and how it develops later in life, if ever.) This fits into my theory about the biological correlates I noticed and my life history, the effect a testosterone surge may have had, although the behavior it induced was aberrant (I was really abnormal). Even the first day of high school when I didn't know anyone and therefore no one knew my background I received attention.
And they were good looking too. I wish I hadn't taken life so seriously and just enjoyed the game, accepted a nice girl to be friendly with, fool around, and feel fuzzy things together.
The strange thing is that me turning them down was for none of the usual reasons. I was definitely biologically heterosexual and had a sex drive, I wasn't exactly shy, suspicious of their motives/paranoid, none of the usual reasons. I just went down this ideological black hole, I had such a negative mentality, a negative hyper-systemizing fixation directed towards humans and human behavior, had a major problem with human nature, biological drive, and saw it and emotions as an irrationality, a barrier to full control over myself; I wanted strict adherence to rationality and I stuck to my ideals and was so rigid about them. I can't recall all the thoughts I had during that period, it was 10 years ago, and I was just in a constant state of rumination. Well, this is what it led to. Developing in isolation without guidance and external intervention did not end well. -
2016-01-22 at 7:20 AM UTC
Oh my god lol. This a new low for zoklet hahaha, you might as well close your account and make a new one now because I don't see you living down something this hilarious. The whole situation is so awkward and fail, the fact that YOU actually went out of your way to make an IRL connection with Malice is pathetic, but then HE doesn't even bother to show up. Holy shit, I'm actually laughing out loud as I'm typing this. I'm gonna have to side with him on this one, even though you're both beyond lame, because I probably wouldn't show up to meet your sad creepy ass either. I mean if I was a known cat fucking troll and a girl was trying to meet up with me IRL I'd probably stay home and jerk off too, "more trouble than it's worth" I'd reassure myself, "she's probably hideous, the fact she hasn't posted pics speaks for itself." Lanny you're so lame for this, words cannot describe… you got stood up outright by one of the biggest losers here! One thing that is disappointing tho is that Malice didn't show up and troll you on camera… so, in all reality, you both fail pretty fucking carhartt hard… yuuuup, I could go on and on about how much you both suck for this, but I gotta go take a shit. Have fun being the laughing stock of zoklet lol.
Oh, that Poast. *wipes tear from eye* -
2016-01-22 at 9:34 AM UTCAlso, I'm pretty sure it was the high dose curcumin that was having the potent antidepressant effect, which stopped when I ran out. 2g w/ 20mg piperine once or twice a day.
Will have 200 grams tomorrow: http://www.powdercity.com/products/curcumin-powder-95
Plus 2 of these: www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00L775W3U
Likely a pill in the morning, curcumin powder later in the day.
https://examine.com/supplements/curcumin/
(neuro)inflammation is key. Read about it and depression. Its ties to insulin resistance/diabetes and the neurological effect, alzheimer's (called type 3 diabetes stemming from some of the leading theories). Neuroinflammation and a variety of disorders, the above mentioned depression, along with autism:
Study Suggests Brain Inflammation Is a Hallmark of Autism
https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-suggests-brain-inflammation-hallmark-autismIn the largest study of its kind, researchers studying brains affected by autism found a common pattern: Widespread activation of brain immune cells that produce inflammation.
Besides fighting infections and cleaning away damaged cells, microglia play an important role in pruning away excess brain-cell connections – called synapses – during brain development. Previous research has suggested that interference with this process can lead to autism. (See Brain Study Suggests that Autism Involves Too Many Synapses.)
Excessive synapses > fits into intense world hypothesis
Which brings to mind this old piece: https://www.autismspeaks.org/about-us/press-releases/research-blocking-cell-distress-signals-can-ease-autism-symptoms
Autism Speaks Trailblazer Research Supports New Theory That Blocking Cell Distress Signals Can Ease Autism SymptomsThe result is chronic brain inflammation and frayed connections between brain cells. “When the brain cells stop talking, so do children,†he says.
This also fits into why dietary changes, my adaption of a very strict restrictive diet, led to such a significant reduction of my symptoms. Won't go into the story, but very likely pre-diabetic, massive hyperglycemic episodes and brain fog after eating, noticed connection between certain foods, led to a phase where researching nutrition entered one of my core obsessions and with the mental architecture I had developed, the refining of my thought processes, strict adherence to rationality, I was quickly able to identify the "truth".
I would highly recommend curcumin for anyone with diabetes or a related disorder, who's overweight obese, especially if they have problems with cognition, foggy brain or memory problems, or depression, possibly even anxiety.
It has numerous benefits. Sploo takes it as well, for a good reason.
Curcumin inhibits glutamate release in nerve terminals from rat prefrontal cortex: possible relevance to its antidepressant mechanism.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21741425
Glutamate theory of depression, implicated in numerous other disorders as well. Autism seems to have a problem with excessive glutamate, an inbalance between GABA/glutamate (prime inhibitory and excitatory neurotransmitters). May have a strong protectant effect against excitotoxicity as well.80mg of a bioavailability enhanced curcumin supplement has been reported to increase nitric oxide in serum by 40% or so, which is significantly larger than many other dietary supplements.
NO2 boost is pretty nice for athletes/weight lifters/those who work out.
Vinpocetine is very exciting for increasing the sublingual bioavailability and rate of absorption. https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3x0ili/ways_to_increase_sublingual_absorbtion/
Particularly interested with using it in conjunction with idebenone, which seems to have very poor oral bioavailability due to extensive first pass metabolism, to boost COQ10. Literallt provide more fuel/supercharge the powerhouses of cognition: https://examine.com/supplements/coenzyme-q10/
Also have some galantamine coming. With this, it may avoid some peripheral side effects. Acerylcholine levels due to seem to be one of key neurotransmitters that are markedly lower in autistics. I also posted about it being used for lucid dreaming.
Posted a while ago about the promise when used in conjunction with menantine, research suggested it was safe an synergistic: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4141213/table/T4/
Another strong boost in cognition.
Along with NA-R-ALA. which is much more effective than standard ALA, higher bioavailability and are a under curve.
More PRL-8-53 to experiment with. Definitely want to save this for when I feel ready for another DMT breakthrough attempt, a hypermnesiac, along with bacopa, to increase retention and be able to bring back more (hopefully much more) from the trip. Eventually it may be to an extent unreached before.
And 5 grams fasoracetam. Very nice GABA-B upregulation effect, enhanced choline uptake, good pro-cognitive potential in my experience. Can reverse phenibut tolerance and withdrawals, also has a nice rebound/sensitization effect that feels like a much cleaner and more sustainable version of phenibut at higher doses. Will like to see how vinpocetine effects the effects from sublingual ROA. PRL was much stronger intransally, many things could be given a considerable boost with vinpocetine. Lyophilized/freeze dried royal jelly as well for the effect on glial cell line-derived neurotrophic factor (GDNF).
Received my 12 grams NSI-189 phosphate in the mail. Waiting to take it until I begin Nardil and therapy. Everything combined together should be a super boost.
"Thus spake Zarathustra, and left his cave, glowing and strong, like a morning sun which cometh from dark mountains. --The End."
Become the ubermensch. Truthfully this time, it is the time to step out of my cave and step into the world, to regain my birthright and establish my dominion.
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2016-01-22 at 3:32 PM UTCwhat was that al-lad source from canada someone posted a while back
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2016-01-22 at 4:50 PM UTCMalice, did you use pure Piperine? I don't want to torture my asshole with so much pepper. Forgot about the Curcumin, too. It's good stuff.
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2016-01-22 at 7:03 PM UTCWe from the murder capital where they murder for capital.
Reppin' the UKs murder capital
