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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition

  1. Lanny Bird of Courage
    I don't see why sacrifice would likely be preferable to assimilation.

    Well this is transhumanism fanfic we're talking about so the logistics are hardly important.

    There's also the possibility that as a response it could put us into some sort of virtual prison or hell, although that seems to be petty.

    Oh oh, fuck you, google roko's basilisk, if you haven't heard of it. You'll love it, I swear. Also I assure you the initial mental evasions you're going to go through won't stand up to further inspection.

    Scary as shit. What if AIs aren't concerned with, don't have a need for pleasure like we do, and the experience is just absolutely cold, mechanical, centered on efficiency; as opposed to a heavenly scenario similar to a continuation of the line of thought in The Hedonistic Imperative. The finality of death and permanent cessation of consciousness, or existence, or AI and things we likely can't even imagine or predict. Either one is scary as hell. At least with death you may have an eternal reprieve, as a part of AI, you may drag on through a sort of hell until the bitter end of the universe simply out of strict adherence to rationality. "The (over)mind is willing, and the flesh is no longer weak."

    Sure, but then you have no logical reason to believe that the next time you eat a meal you won't be cast into an eternal hell either. One just hopes things work as they expect and make decisions on the assumption that's reliable. It's hard to imagine anyone creating a powerful AI that assimilates/kills humans and spends the rest of eternity conserving entropy or whatever on purpose, so we would have to end up at that point by accident, which if you totally distrust your own ability to affect the world then you have infinitesimal motivation to worry about this problem in the first place.
  2. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
  3. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Last year my dad died today, around 12:30 n the morning, I was the first in, screaming at my dad, trying to get him to respond and I made the 911 call because his mother was an idiot. I was 5 months pregnant with cops sitting out front waiting for the funeral home to arrive. I was sick, dry heaving, trying to get a couple hits in so I wouldnt be puking and sick. I was crying my eyes out, hearing my dad's voice in my head and §m£ÂgØL called and talked to me for a while. Its pretty fucked up to see whats happened in a years time without my dad. I miss him dearly and think of him everyday. A lady I work with, I could tell was withdrawaling. Sure enough shes at the pharmacy getting her subutex. she didnt have enough money and they wouldnt sell her what she could afford so inmy dads honor I spotted her the money, because thats what my dad would have done. Yay for someone to buy my kpins from me and a roxi connection.
  4. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    fun fact: most of your female ancestors were raped in their lifetimes.
    the vast majority of your ancestors were peasants for thousands of years and, before that, tribeswomen for tens of thousands of years, each of whom would be raped during and after every armed conflict between warring kingdoms, duchies, counties, tribes, or even families – regardless of the victor.

    Random comment I came across, but something I hadn't really though about before. I wonder how prevalent rape was in the past, particularly during conflicts. As I've mentioned multiple times before in various parts, the idea that hunter-gatherers were generally peaceful is a complete myth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Before_Civilization
  5. Lanny Bird of Courage
    Random comment I came across, but something I hadn't really though about before. I wonder how prevalent rape was in the past, particularly during conflicts. As I've mentioned multiple times before in various parts, the idea that hunter-gatherers were generally peaceful is a complete myth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Before_Civilization

    I love how people cling to their pessimism, their unfounded dogma that the world is getting perpetually worse, in the face of any evidence, on the grounds of a handful of anecdotes. I mean isn't that the best news you've ever heard? We've all figured out how to not kill each other as much. What could be a more undeniable proof that things are getting better than that? The cognitive bias required to hold onto the unshakable conviction that progress is impossible is staggering.
  6. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Pessimistic bias:

    www.google.com/search?q=site:econlib.org+pessimism+OR+pessimistic+bias

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mean_world_syndrome

    People are generally just very under and uninformed, driven by emotion, prefer, find it more intuitive and easier to understand, and are more influenced by anecdotes, appeals to emotion/emotional manipulation, rather than hard data, have a poor grasp of reason/logic, cognitive ability, all these cognitive biases etc. Really, this is a critical aspect of so many things. It's depressing, and most are probably hopeless due to the basis, how unlikely it is to change (significantly or in meaningful ways, ways that will produce a significant change in the world).
  7. Lanny Bird of Courage
    Pessimistic bias:

    www.google.com/search?q=site:econlib.org+pessimism+OR+pessimistic+bias

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mean_world_syndrome

    People are generally just very under and uninformed, driven by emotion, prefer, find it more intuitive and easier to understand, and are more influenced by anecdotes, appeals to emotion/emotional manipulation, rather than hard data, have a poor grasp of reason/logic, cognitive ability, all these cognitive biases etc. Really, this is a critical aspect of so many things.

    I thought your post was going to end on this note and then my thought process was like this:

    That's ironic
    I should quote his reply with a link to irony on wikipedia
    it's almost too ironic, was that a joke?
    definitely a joke, and if I had replied he would have insinuated I was "poor at interpreting meaning" or something like that
    so I'll ignore the post
    or maybe I could point out I was able to pick up on his subtle joke and in so doing dispel any lingering concerns about being an autist

    well good job malice, you've engrained yourself as a permanent fixture in my thought process. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation and I think "malice would jump in here and accuse them of a fallacy and demean their world view" in real life.
  8. bundy is best nootropic
  9. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    I thought your post was going to end on this note and then my thought process was like this:

    That's ironic
    I should quote his reply with a link to irony on wikipedia
    it's almost too ironic, was that a joke?
    definitely a joke, and if I had replied he would have insinuated I was "poor at interpreting meaning" or something like that
    so I'll ignore the post
    or maybe I could point out I was able to pick up on his subtle joke and in so doing dispel any lingering concerns about being an autist

    well good job malice, you've engrained yourself as a permanent fixture in my thought process. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation and I think "malice would jump in here and accuse them of a fallacy and demean their world view" in real life.

    I like you, Lanny. : )

    I actually didn't intentionally do that or catch it.

    Unrelated: Microdose LSD as a masturbation/sex aid. Greatly increases visualization ability along with ability to emulate tactile sensations and other senses, along with a mild stimulatory boost/widespread dopamine subreceptor agonism, and, for me, empathy, the ability to feel connection, or at least with the versions of people I can conjure in my mind (reminds me of a scene in Evangelion, final episodes, about the various yous, one of them being the you that's perceived by others), they feel much more "real", better theory of mind, like, a greater understanding of who they are, or, in this case, a more full developed person rather than just a superficial physicality conjured merely for crass sexual arousal.

    Related thought: If you're ever going to have gay sex, being a bottom seems to be by far the most worthwhile position. Giving, it's not much different than with a woman, and anal doesn't appeal to me, a vagina is just much better suited, has many benefits. As for anal being "tighter", that's only for the anus/sphincter, past that there's isn't really much tightness. Although, pounding a prostate and making someone come solely through that is pretty cool and arousing. When receiving, if you've developed yourself to the point where you're capable of being fully open with yourself, you receive a pleasure that somewhat mimics what women may feel (Lanny). Easier to imagine yourself in their position on LSD and empathogens (NALT is an interesting thing to experiment with, much more sustainable than MDMA. 4-FA is pretty sustainable, but as with MDMA, can cause problems with orgasming/ejaculation and maintaining erection. The latter two may be overkill without something to compensate for this, unless you happen to handle them fine at the optimal dose for this.). Being put face down, your smooth full round ass, developed through heavy full squats, being an object of great arousal, nice and plump for grabbing and smacking, like a woman's. Your penis can be bent backward between your legs, which has a nice effect, and stroked, licked, sucked on a bit beforehand. Then some hotdogging, the arousal of feeling a throbbing erect full penis pressing against you, lusting, and, best of all, the initial insertion, followed by full penetration, working up to a rapid succession of long strokes, slapping against you, scrotum against scrotum if in the right position, or your the shaft of your penis is grabbed and pulled back, moving the scrotum with it into position where it can be tapped, providing great supplementary stimulation, which I've found can be key for triggering orgasm, at least from the front (Wrote about this at one point, spurred by my experience and development of optimal masturbatory technique, my theory as to it being a natural trigger, normally signalling, during heterosexual sex, that full tenting has occurred, the female is fully aroused and receptive, and full penetration being the optimal point to deposit sperm, the cervix of a woman actually "dipping" downward during orgasm.(Filthy fucking evolution. Goddamn these ape biological vessels.)); skin slapping against skin. The immense arousal from the taboo factor, how gay it is, that you actually have a penis inside you, are engaging in gay sex and enjoying it shamelessly, every aspect of it, including the pleasure the penetrator is receiving, feeling the thick, fully engorged, throbbing penis inside you, the vocalization of pleasure, the faster tempo, grabbing and slapping, signs of climax approaching and a nice hot sticky load being deposited.

    You mentioned something before about not being sure if you could get over the idea that it's degrading, likely due to cultural conditioning, which, unfortunately, is standard and has a strong influence most are unable to cast off (to a large extent). Similar to religion and early indoctrination, how many intelligent people are, unfortunately, never able to see past that nonsense. In this case, gender roles, a natural biological factor, masculinity and the importance of social perceptions, particularly for those that are fairly normal/neurotypical, "well adjusted", and more collective oriented. I've actively tried to develop shamelessness throughout my life, one of the various fine tunings of my mental architecture. Engage in introspection and awareness, note something you feel should be improved, a mistake you make, repeatedly correct/alter behavior when the opportunity arises. Along with a general libertarian psychological profile. Independence, lower feeling of connection, lack of value of tradition/cultural norms, concern for conventional morality, strong negative reaction to infringement on personal liberty, not motivated by external factors (culture, ethnicity/race, making parents proud, perceptions of others, authority). You know it's illogical, it really need not be degrading if neither of you perceive it that way, and in a healthy open relationship that's as it should be (ideals vs what's common.)

    Along with oral. You have so much more to work with compared to a clitoris, and who knows better what's pleasurable than a man who has actually experienced it. Feeling the full, thick, throbbing warmth filling your mouth. The pleasure of utilizing and developing your skills, techniques, to give maximal pleasure.
  10. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Found this amusing: TIL a 1913 survey of US children working under difficult conditions in factories found that 412 out of 500 would rather work in sweatshops than the "monotony, humiliation, and cruelty" of school.

    As a far-rightist/right-libertarian/culturally alternative right/anarcho-capitalist/fascist sympathizer/moral monster - evil, things of this nature please me greatly.

    >In addition to what everyone else is saying about money, school was also very different back then. Corporal punishment was pretty much universally accepted at all age levels... The words "humiliation" and "cruelty" are not even a slight exaggeration.

    >While the stereotype is of the kid forced to work to help their impoverished parents, this book argues that sweatshop kids kept most of their earnings for themselves, and their combined spending power on non-necessities powered the rise of Coca-Cola, fast food, and baseball:
    http://www.amazon.com/Generations-History-Americas-Future-1584/dp/0688119123
    The book also argues that most sweatshop child labor only worked part-time - they essentially worked just long enough to earn that day's spending money.
    If true, it makes additional sense why they preferred work over school.

    2.)

    Thinking about my past behavior, how micro/low dose LSD allows greater access to memories, greater vividness: Good god I was a troubled/fucked up kid. Even in my 20s, up until now, I've had some incredibly dark thoughts, horrible desires/plans, insanely violent (revenge) fantasies, extremely unhealthy behavior, there being no intermediate point between being indifferent to someone or annoyed by their presence due to being human and genuinely wanting to brutally murder, even horrifically torture them, at the slightest serious provocation, something purposefully done. On the other hand, I do have an an honor code and strict adherence to rationality, which comes naturally, so accidents, no matter how bad, elicit no reaction at all. "That's fine, don't worry about it." Christ, someone I meet with IRL faults me and I replay things over and over in my mind multiple times a day for years afterward, systematize/analyze every aspect of their being from the information I observed, want to tear apart every fiber of their being, destroy them with every of theirs. I've had insanely violent thoughts and desires, and I think I genuinely wanted to commit them. Completely blowing up over things, and if being If what was holding me back, the shackles/binders, were removed, could I become a monster?

    Back to the teen years. It has me considering whether I was just incredible damaged and maladjusted or am I seriously certifiably insane, capable of a Jekyll/Hyde fluctuation where I'm capable of being an absolute psychopathic homicidal monster. I've done and wanted to do, planned, some fucked up things, had an incredibly dark mentality.

    An overview of my life would be required to fully understand this, along with my theory as to what factors, environment, events in life, predispositions/traits, genes/biological/neurological factors likely led to this. Some of what I plan to tell the psychiatrist I'll be meeting with. I possibly could have become a serial killer, mass murderer, terrorist/extremist, or some similarly terrible actor at the most extreme fringes of society. Why aren't there more evil geniuses? Geniuses that were abused as children, or had other things occur, dark lives leaving to dark paths? Is my situation so unusual that if I were cured of depression and possibly even became hypomanic (Nardil +NSI-189), managed to pull a miracle and repaired most of the damage that's been done (NSI-189 to treat hippocampal atrophy, key factor, the physical neurological change caused by chronic severe depression stress and other conditions, induce neurogenesis in the positive hemispheres of the hippocampus and amygdala. Valproic acid to restore neuroplasticity to a juvenile state and greatly augment intensive therapy, the effects of therapeutic relationships and social experiences.). maybe even TMS, preferably rTMS/deep repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation, to greatly accelerate the recover of the physical damage done to the brain. If I succeeded, but still had the same mentality, now unbound, the same incredibly unhealthy/destructive mentality and desires, the maladjustment, aberrant psychological development; I fear for what may happen.

    I'm serious, it's a bit frightening when you have to seriously consider whether you may genuinely be insane and may not be able to trust yourself at times, could commit an act that could incredibly haunt you at later moments. I remind myself of Yuno Gasai often: https://www.google.com/search?biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=yuno+gasai+psycho
  11. bundy you fucking faggot
  12. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDX8QrcDI_o

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-_uP2JJYU

    Never tried them before, my impression was that they seemed sort of gay/lame and pseudoscience-ish. I have to admit, they're pretty relaxing. Good for dealing with stress, anxiety, anger, negative emotions/emotional states in general. Also aren't particularly distracting like standard music is, I tend to block one or the other when reading, being focused on something intensively.
  13. Malice if you don't take bundy I'm personally going to find you and kill you with a stick
  14. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    I wonder if there's an egocentric version of nirvana/enlightenment. In the past I was genuinely insanely egocentric, before my self-image crumbled and I became insanely depressed, I would be able to induce feelings of ASMR, that pleasurable tingly feeling that can spread throughout your body like a wave, just by thinking about how great and unique I was. I genuinely saw myself as the greatest, most perfect and unique, person on Earth and would just have moments when I would feel this, possibly after a particularly good post I made, maybe inhale some air and let out a sigh the way you do at times when you're really taking something in and enjoying it, feeling a sort of serenity. For example, during certain teardowns of people, such as Brain Surgeon on RDFRN, it was a sort of malicious and egotistical version of the flow state, a stream of schadenfreude, sadistic enjoyment. Thinking about that, there are some people who, lacking empathy, seem to have genuinely taking great pleasure in the suffering of others, in vengeance, conquest, committing damage to their enemies, those they disliked, and there is an unfortunate evolutionary basis for this. I think I may have actually actively tried and learned to develop and effect it, augment the feeling and get it to spread throughout my entire body. Well, all my potential was wasted, I was highly damaged, damage was occurring from so many things that were and went wrong in my life, I just hadn't realized and come to terms with it yet. A sort of autistic nirvana, being wrapped in my own bubble of an inner world of dreams and delusion.

    Maybe it is possible, even compatible. Just feeling at peace and content with yourself, evoking the feeling that you're perfect the way you are. You can still view things realistically, try to improve yourself, see flaws, things you want to change, just without attaching negative emotions to it. Seeing a destination, a goal, and travelling towards it without the feeling of desire, the pain caused by feeling there's something you don't have, you lack, that's wrong, the feeling of attempting to fill a hole in yourself, in your heart, always needing something more. If they are different feelings, evoked by different thoughts, I wonder if you could manage to evoke both at the same time. I mean, naturally certain things evoke happiness, it doesn't come from nowhere, and of course there's an evolutionary history behind it, but it's something that's mentioned a lot in writing relating to Buddhism, that happiness is a choice, choosing to be happy. It just seems to feel unrealistic, even wrong, cause immense resistance, to many people, and would likely take a great deal of work, but spirituality and pseudoscience aside, there have been legitimate well done studies of meditation masters, people who have spent decades devoting many hours of their days to meditative practices, the variety of Buddhist practices and thought, and the monitoring and analysis of brain activity, reactions, abilities etc., gauging differences, quantifying traits, does seem to confirm that they can achieve something remarkable. It's just bizarre, if you don't see it as cultish and empty/hollow, a waste of a life, understand the value of meditation and what the general process they go through may be able to achieve, think about and understand neuroplasticity and the changes the brain may be able to undergo after countless hours over a lifetime, how radically different from the norm their state of consciousness, the way they "feel" and experience the world, their inner world, may become.

    Then there's always the wireheading idea, just stimulate certain areas of the brain, maybe even utilize implants. Hmm...augmentation. There's bound to have been significant research already, although it's very troublesome/problematic, which limits this. Cost, time, you know, R&D, the complexity of the brain, immense regulatory hurdles, ethical considerations, then the whole problem of actually having human subjects who can give feedback, accurately convey a complex description of what they're experiencing, the changes they perceive. Then again, animals and scans/tests may generally be close enough for some things, but with the complexity of human emotion, cognitive processes, the brain in general, many things may just be out of reach. Just brought to mind this, that we may see it available within our lifetimes, which is going to be very interesting.

    Oh, it reminds me of a thought I had yesterday. I was reflecting on my life, what it lacked, the major factors that caused problems and led to this. Asked myself what I wanted. Happiness, love, meaningful/fulfilling relationships/connections, power, fulfillment, whether the "dark side", a state of egocentricity,enjoyment of malice, sadism, chaos (Think of The Joker in The Dark Knight) is sustainable, whether it's really so wrong, if you could move past the inner conflict, the pain of what your actions may cause you in a moment of weakness, if you couldn't keep empathy, guilt and regret, a bay, whether it would always be a path to self-destruction and the "positive" emotions listed above were the superior path that could bring something greater, enduring, a deeper and more enjoyable feeling. Then weltschmerz, the mismatch between the ideal and the biological, knowing you aren't really in control, how illusory it is after realizing how massive the impact of biological forces, genes, neurotransmitters, the effects of you environment and everything that has occurred to you, have had on you and swept away your ideas of living through will power and rationalism alone. Seeing certain things that, stemming from evolution, may give us things that other experiences can't, but are immoral, that you see massive problems with, the immense flaws and tradeoffs, having children being the prime example to me. The overwhelming complexity of life/reality, the world, of how many things to desire and attain there are, the variations, combinations, interactions.

    "I want to stop wanting anything."

    Perhaps I am destined to become Buddha 2.0. A dark version of the Buddha, Sith Lord/Emperor Palpatine Buddha. The great uniter.

    Good god, what if this is the path that makes people become like ate?
  15. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    bundy you fucking faggot

    That's an interesting thought. Could bundy allow you to attain everything I wrote about above? The bundy state allow you to experience everything, or at least the final point, "I don't want anything and I am content."
  16. Well I was in the exact same situation you were in for like 5 years, and I didn't even bitch about it because bundy kept it interesting. That on top of it's neurogenic effects. So it's like, you'll get so high you forget about your problems, possibly develop insights that help you overcome your problems due to it's hallucinogenic effects, and you'll become more distanced from your problems because of it's ability to facilitate growth in your brain. I've been saying "try bundy" for like 4 years, and you've never even once considered it, despite the fact that I would back my suggestion with PubMed articles the same way you would back your nootropic ingestion with PubMed articles. So really, the only reason you haven't tried it yet is due to a bias. It's practically a miracle aid for people suffering from depression and anxiety due to their schizoid/autistic personalities.
  17. I wonder if there's an egocentric version of nirvana/enlightenment.

    literally first sentence
  18. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Had a prolonged microdose LSD session yesterday, combined with my usual array of substances, must have been what did this. Potent anti-depressive effect achieved, although since I'm starting off from scoring near the maximum, and there are physical (physiological/neurological) changes, damage that has occurred over a lifetime, along with the immense ingrained psychological aspect, you can't expect a sudden dramatic turnaround. At the very least there will still be a wide variety of factors that need to be addressed. Imagine a large array of bar graphs, some bars get pushed up, others much less so or not at all.

    It's really that good? Reason I never took much interest in it is because it just seemed shitty. Not sure how strong the antidepressant nootropic, beneficial neurological, effects are. Lack of quantification and specificity, a standard problem when people cite studies. Then there's the whole issue that fits into of properly analyzing them, identifying and taking into account (possible) flaws etc.

    ​I hated low dose (es)ketamine. Variation of experience, you know. Some people just don't have the right genes or whatever's impacting it (set and setting, personality, life history/past experiences, beliefs, habits).



    My hero an hero

    How the hell have I never seen a live show? Well, except that first day I came to the bay area due to the guy xannex knew and asked to let me crash on his couch for a few days, but that wasn't by choice and it wasn't that great (Hazmat warehouse punk show).

    I think I literally became so autistic I became lost in my own mind and forget there was a world outside myself. Well, that and all the other problems, the cluster of symptoms with a wide variety of disorders. "Other people ruin the experience." That may have been one of the main thoughts I had, along with other autistic justifications, such as music quality, how recordings can be perfected. I remember there being a thread related to this on one of the various forums, possibly Zoklet, that I responded to, and someone else said that a guy they knew with Aspergers had given them similar reasons.

    Oh, autistic stumbling and blunder(ing). "Don't you just hate it when the cork pops out and hits you in the eye like a big pizza pie in the sky?"
    After showing this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
    to Nero/WTAC, something along the lines of, "Malice, how is it possible that you're simultaneously the most hilarious and autistic user."

    Haha, oh, memories...Seriously, how the fuck did I literally go 12 years without any personal relationships IRL? Who does that? What the fuck is wrong with me, has to be wrong with you for you to do that to begin with? Well, I mean, everything that led to this aside, IRL isn't like in the movies, it is generally pretty underwhelming, inadequate (weltschmerz), the vast majority of people are, to me, pretty bad and uninteresting.

    well good job malice, you've engrained yourself as a permanent fixture in my thought process. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation and I think "malice would jump in here and accuse them of a fallacy and demean their world view" in real life.

    I thought of this and jokingly responding, "You know, gay marriage is legal now." Then thought about the possible tax benefits. That led to thinking about and realizing that you could now profit by marrying high income males for citizenship, with a good prenup.

    ...

    I need to get on that before the market develops and increased supply pushes down prices. First-mover advantage. Then again, market development > increased awareness > increased demand from awareness and development of the market making things easier/more beneficial for consumers; could lead to a higher price. Then again, again, there's the increase risk that would bring from the statist thugs being increasingly aware of abuse/fraud, changes enacted in response to this. Timing the market, investing in general, is an absolute bitch. Not nearly as simple as the proles/commoners assume, it requires an enormous of research, very dry reading, dry activity in general, for things like stocks it can require daily monitoring, which is why long ago I decided that investing definitely was not for me. I think it may have been during high school that I read A Random Walk Down Wall Street and determined, after some other reading and thought, that investing definitely wasn't something I ever wanted to try to make my primary income from because of how unenjoyable it clearly was, how problematic beating the market is. On the other hand, if you're willing to break the law and go to be creative and extreme measures... Jesus, was I thinking about shorting stocks and detonating explosives in buildings, other forms of sabotage/damage, at that age?

    I really should have a text file dedicated to this: Crazy ideas/schemes. Oh, I actually do have one that encapsulates this, but I either haven't been using it consistently or I've just been so depressed there wasn't anything during that period.

    But, back to the marriage-citizenship for profit idea, relevant Chinese message boards. What are they gonna do, report you to the US authorities and trace you, set up sting operations? Yeah right, the likelihood. Have a good, concise business proposal, an outline of the plan, your personal qualities, positive attributes, that would make you an ideal choice, superior to competitors, and bag a rich one. Only problem is identifying them, the optimal method for locating/selecting and contacting them. Then you'd also have to hope they wouldn't have superior options. I mean, they could know someone, maybe a poor immigrant family someone they know knows, somewhere down the line of social connections, with a daughter who would love to do this and be a much cheaper and for them, what they would perceive to be, a safer option. Familiarity, personal familiarity, (ethnic) nepotism/bias, gender bias. On the other hand, you could sell this as being preferable because they wouldn't have to deal with someone who could have a very high risk of becoming emotionally involved, fucking things up (selling point, your awareness and level of knowledge on what needs to be done, how to avoid pitfalls). Unless they had someone in the US they actually wanted to be married to, but, I don't know...I mean, you'd essentially be buying a wife. Would they really want that? Hmm, like, what if a UC Berkeley graduate was contacted and offered $x, women and hypergamy, gender realism...no, seems too unlikely, difficult. Attempting to find someone overseas to start a relationship with, or someone who had moved and attained citizenship. Then there's the gay stigma, which, particularly for the wealthy, they would have to worry about, worry about their image. You could attempt to hide it, lie, but without a good plan, due to the process required, the citizenship process, the fear of someone finding out may be too great. No doubt it's been done before and there are women who were willing to do it. Main change is that men are much more likely to be willing to break the law and the on average positive attributes of men, the thinking/feeling scale, greater emotional control, propensity toward and adherence to rationalism.

    http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/chinese-millionaires-buy-u-s-citizenship/

    This would be way cheaper and easier. Oh, I wonder if any major East Asian gangs/criminal networks in SF are involved in this or would have good connections.
  19. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    I am honestly amazed by how autistic and maladjusted I am. I mean, looking back on my existence, wow. I managed to completely miss out on life and convince myself there was nothing out there worth doing, people worth meeting.

    At least if I ever make it past this and recover experiencing things for the first time might be mindblowing, like showing really cool shit in the world to a child.

    Also, I think these binaural beat soundtracks may be effecting my perception of time. Things seem to be going by much faster than before (Am I having more fun posting?), they may be inducing more of a flow state. In conjunction with the LSD after effect. Actually, without the music, this may not have occurred, I don't think I felt this way when I got up.
  20. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Some searching led me to this: http://theinvisiblestrings.com/aspergers-depression-masking-effect/

    I wonder if I was depressed from the beginning. Even as a child I was predisposed to being melancholy, I remember just sitting away from everyone else during recess, not sure how often I had no friends.

    http://theinvisiblestrings.com/ein-pechvogel-stories-from-high-school/#more-1367

    First story really reminded me of myself, it's pretty funny. Going to dig around that site more.

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