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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-01-04 at 11:46 AM UTCHydro, you should get to know him. Find a way to reach him again and ask for contact information outside of work, learn more about him, and if he's the one (and single), you can help him get his green card and move in with you in the US.
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2016-01-04 at 1:27 PM UTCNah, but it did occur to me to find this guy so I can return the favor of kindness when Ive got shit going better for myself. I like sending peopleshit. When I was 9-10 I hand a penpal in Hong Kong and for Halloween, I sent her like a metric fuckton of candy. They dont celebrate halloween over there like we do in the states so she was surprised as shit and she brought it all into school for her class, which everyone wanted in on this dressing up and getting free candy shit. Im lucky I had a dad who was cool enough to suggest sending her shit like that and actually pony up the money tosend it. It probably cost 30-40$ not on top of the shit we mailed which was the good name brand stuff (my dad would never sned our buy people shitty candy- that was like a code he lived by). If I did manage to get this guys info, id probably wire him some money to help him out when I get shit going. Ive got an interview soon. its a serving job so wish me luck. Also found a new babysitter, hopefully she works out and I dont have to kill her.
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2016-01-04 at 8:40 PM UTCI got the server job. Almost as informal as my last serving job at ihop. Called yesterday, manager told me to come down in the morning, so I did. Asked me right off the bad what size shirt I needed nd asked me to write my info down on a napkin. I start tomorrow at 7am-2pm. Got my uniform, and now Im trying to find a babysitter and a ride to work tomorrow. Hopefully it works out. cant wait to be making tips again, hopefully Ill do alright in this one horse town.
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2016-01-05 at 3:09 AM UTCNice to hear things are going well. Hopefully the streak continues, you seem to have a history of things going wrong, disaster/bad luck just coming out of nowhere, people in your life having a negative influence and ruining things for you.
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2016-01-05 at 3:36 AM UTCI need a new years dick suckin
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2016-01-05 at 6:08 AM UTC
I got the server job. Almost as informal as my last serving job at ihop. Called yesterday, manager told me to come down in the morning, so I did. Asked me right off the bad what size shirt I needed nd asked me to write my info down on a napkin. I start tomorrow at 7am-2pm. Got my uniform, and now Im trying to find a babysitter and a ride to work tomorrow. Hopefully it works out. cant wait to be making tips again, hopefully Ill do alright in this one horse town.
Cool i hope i hope it goes well and you get tipped a lot.
I started my new job today, and fucked up one of the delivery trucks lol. I've never driven a big ass truck like that and my "lead" was like yo move that bitch over there to fuel it up. It was like 100 yards so I figured I could handle it but I didn't have clearance and scraped the side-step-rail on the yellow cement barrier lol. Thought I was fired for sure but my actual manager came in from out of town and told me not to worry about it and he's taking the blame for it cos he should have been there on my first day yada yada. The guy I'm working with said most likely the manager will get fired, he'll take the manager's job, and I'll take his job, so it all works out good tbh. -
2016-01-05 at 7:11 AM UTC
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2016-01-05 at 7:59 AM UTCSo I've concluded the weird ass super-vivid dreams I have when I'm away from home are actually alcohol withdrawal. Was away for new years, didn't drink for like 4 days before because I was with family and had super intense/strange dreams every night starting day two, then drank the following two days, no dreams. Every time I have a run of time without drinking it happens again. Wierd because it's pretty much the only symptom. Not sure if it just happens that when I'm on vacation I'm in a better mood but I've always felt great during the day, just sleeping that's uncomfortable.
Guess I'm going to have to cut back a bit... starting next week. -
2016-01-05 at 4:55 PM UTC
So I've concluded the weird ass super-vivid dreams I have when I'm away from home are actually alcohol withdrawal. Was away for new years, didn't drink for like 4 days before because I was with family and had super intense/strange dreams every night starting day two, then drank the following two days, no dreams. Every time I have a run of time without drinking it happens again. Wierd because it's pretty much the only symptom. Not sure if it just happens that when I'm on vacation I'm in a better mood but I've always felt great during the day, just sleeping that's uncomfortable.
Its not alcohol withdrawal per se, in reality it is your pineal gland being clean and uncalcified from your alcohol abstination and you are experiencing clear dreams because your kundalini has unwound from the base of your spine and is communicating through your chakras with your pineal gland.
Guess I'm going to have to cut back a bit… starting next week. -
2016-01-05 at 6:12 PM UTC
I was reminded of something which then also reminded me of PoC, and myself more so:
It helps to realize that love is just a chemical reaction in one's brain. When love is lost, you are in the same state of withdrawal as when you quit taking drugs. It's actually pretty cool to think that someone else can alter your consciousness without introducing anything to your body physically. I like love, even though I'm still an immature asshole, I'm a much better person than I was before I met my wife.
I don't want to play this game. I never asked for this, I just wanted to be happy alone. I want to become a wirehead and just ride out my days until the singularity or preservation. I have immense internal resistance to this idea.
I hope that you eventually find happiness in your life. Sorry that I thought that you gave dose me a way to contact me, it was actually that faggot erorr.
Also, speaking of intosanctuary, Arnox made a test admin account and posted the password in M&A. One time when a mod went crazy and modded everyone, I got the account and occasionally logged in so I could delete posts/users and make mods on a whim. I had fun with it for a week then the site went tits up. And that was the story of how I became a forum admin. -
2016-01-05 at 6:24 PM UTCTomorrow is my 26th birthday. I'm trying to get a new job at a nursing home. Get bent, faggots.
Thank you, Lanny for allowing us to continue for this community (what is left) to continue. Thank you, countBlah, POC, HSA, crazy mike, even Midnight Sun (though hes not been here to post) for your support, kindness, and help in the past- I havent forgotten it, and it ment a lot to me. Thank you, Malice, for your words of wisdom, advice and suggestions
I see how it is. -
2016-01-05 at 10:59 PM UTC
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2016-01-06 at 8:18 AM UTC
I hope that you eventually find happiness in your life.
I realized something. I entered The Void, The Abyss. I literally lost everything, destroyed myself, the potential I had in life, any sense of connection to the world. My mind became blank, I lost hopes and desires, interest in life, the sense of who I was. I was close to the peak of depression, alienation, isolation, detachment, discontentedness, and disillusionment. I'm not exaggerating, the reality became so much worse than what could be conveyed by text. I drove myself into an ideological black hole, over a decade nearly devoid of warmth, human connection, intimacy, meaningful human relationships and experience. The world, existence, felt about as bad as it could; I wasn't exaggerating when I repeatedly stated my desire for suicide, the cessation of suffering, I was teetering on the verge, it genuinely felt unbearable to continue.
If I can make it through this, by comparison, even small joys may seem like heaven. Gratitude. I want to transform myself, take the advice of some Buddhist ideologies seriously and change the habits of my mind. I literally did the exact opposite of what was recommended and learned the art of suffering, a form of suffering through deprivation. It could always have been worse, I could have been put in a concentration camp, although even those people still had connections and found some meaning in their life. I came to an understanding of how some hermits were able to attain a state of continuous ecstasy in isolation, nirvana. There's bound to be a strong genetic component, predispositions/traits that cause some to have aptitude for this, possibly make it impossible for others. The first step is to foster the ability to feel meaningful connection and openness to others, the world around yourself. This is why Asperger's has the worst rate of suicidal ideation and attempts, comorbidities, even worse than psychosis, due to the importance of this for happiness: http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/10/13/suicidal-thoughts-10-times-more-likely-in-adults-with-aspergers/76016.html
If I can recover and change enough, as lofty a goal as it may seem, I may even aim for attaining a form of enlightenment, a state of duality where I am still able to contain the emotions and desires needed, and utilize them when needed for acts of necessary destruction/harm, such as crime for my own benefit. I wonder if it's something that has ever been attained before.
Probably not going to happen, but even in my state, I can at least meditate. -
2016-01-06 at 9:56 AM UTCOculus preorders opening today, in a few hours. Possible to cancel, so if the Vive turns out to seem more appealing (heard something about a possible big reveal the same day), you could always switch.
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2016-01-06 at 7:07 PM UTCI'm on that shit
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2016-01-06 at 7:15 PM UTCtranshumanism saved my life
lanny would know all about this -
2016-01-06 at 7:15 PM UTCAnd now I'm waiting for may, hyped but jesus that's a ways out
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2016-01-06 at 8:45 PM UTC
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2016-01-06 at 9:04 PM UTCMalice is the therapy going well.
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2016-01-06 at 9:56 PM UTCI'm actually kind of enjoying life right now. Living with my 2 friends is pretty fun, we have a laugh, eat fat meals and smoke and drink too much. Usually I'd get sick of living with people for so long, especially as I'm staying in their room so we're around each other all the time, but I do like living here, they're good people, we look after each other, look out for each other.
