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The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-05-29 at 7:40 PM UTCPretty much how me, Bill Krozby & Casper feel on a daily basis.
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2019-05-29 at 7:46 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah im talking about my sponsor. I have to call him once a day and we meet once or twice a week. I guess what i want is sobriety, but not necessarily abstinence. To him though- and a lot of other people in the 12 steps programs in particular- it seems like you cant have one without the other.
Can you not just cut consumption to what you want without the AA/NA? -
2019-05-29 at 9:02 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah im talking about my sponsor. I have to call him once a day and we meet once or twice a week. I guess what i want is sobriety, but not necessarily abstinence. To him though- and a lot of other people in the 12 steps programs in particular- it seems like you cant have one without the other.
this is the same with detox clinics, its all black or white, abstinence or sobriety. personally i've done fine for 10 year now just using smack as an occasional treat. this idea that you can never use without turning into a mindless junkie instantly is bullshit war on drugs thinking. its all about how you look at it. you leave school having been programmed to think that if you use drugs you'll be totally dependent on them, and so you get totally dependent on them. you expect only that happens and it happens, its inevitable. however you train your mind to see it as a treat, like going to a movie or a ball game would be. you wouldn't spend 24/7 at the theater, you get me? its no different to alcohol, many, in fact most people drink perfectly responsibly because of how they see alcohol and how they fit it into their lives. its just about management is all.
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2019-05-29 at 9:17 PM UTC
Originally posted by Narc this is the same with detox clinics, its all black or white, abstinence or sobriety. personally i've done fine for 10 year now just using smack as an occasional treat. this idea that you can never use without turning into a mindless junkie instantly is bullshit war on drugs thinking. its all about how you look at it. you leave school having been programmed to think that if you use drugs you'll be totally dependent on them, and so you get totally dependent on them. you expect only that happens and it happens, its inevitable. however you train your mind to see it as a treat, like going to a movie or a ball game would be. you wouldn't spend 24/7 at the theater, you get me? its no different to alcohol, many, in fact most people drink perfectly responsibly because of how they see alcohol and how they fit it into their lives. its just about management is all.
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Everyone is different though I admit I have shite will power. One drink is not enough, fuck that. I'm double fucked cause soon as I'm on that train it's a one way ticket to Colombia and a bender full of regrets. -
2019-05-29 at 9:21 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian Everyone is different though I admit I have shite will power. One drink is not enough, fuck that. I'm double fucked cause soon as I'm on that train it's a one way ticket to Colombia and a bender full of regrets.
because you've developed a view that you can only enjoy alcohol when you use shitloads of it.
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2019-05-29 at 9:22 PM UTCyou know i gotta admit i actually feel blessed tho that i hate the feeling of being drunk.
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2019-05-29 at 9:25 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 9:27 PM UTCAll honesty I want to live a life were I can get just as much enjoyment/ socialising from not drinking than when I did.
If Russell Brand can, anyone can and that faggot was slamming smack back in the day.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-29 at 9:31 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 9:34 PM UTC
Originally posted by Narc yeah sure, i done it myself with smack. just depends on you really.
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I'm definitely going to focus on self improvement for a bit though. I can live without alcohol and just fuck/ masturbate, find some hobbies and practice neurogenesis from the absolute YEARS of fucking abuse my brain has endured on account of my retarded, selfish desires. -
2019-05-29 at 9:52 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 9:52 PM UTCGot damn it's been 2 weeks and no weed
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2019-05-30 at 2:08 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah im talking about my sponsor. I have to call him once a day and we meet once or twice a week. I guess what i want is sobriety, but not necessarily abstinence. To him though- and a lot of other people in the 12 steps programs in particular- it seems like you cant have one without the other.
12 steppers are real big on the whole give it to god thing. I know you're a pragmatic dude who can thing and reason for himself. MY best advice is go along to get along. It's good you've realized and are working on your issues. Best advice I can give is take one day at a time with it. I mean shit if you're through withdrawls and all that you bout got it beat.
i haven't had any dope in a few days and the hole sweating and not being able to hold down food thing is getting bad. Been trying to sleep it off. -
2019-05-30 at 2:35 AM UTCYehh matijueeno
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2019-05-30 at 2:59 AM UTC
Originally posted by CountBlah 12 steppers are real big on the whole give it to god thing. I know you're a pragmatic dude who can thing and reason for himself. MY best advice is go along to get along. It's good you've realized and are working on your issues. Best advice I can give is take one day at a time with it. I mean shit if you're through withdrawls and all that you bout got it beat.
i haven't had any dope in a few days and the hole sweating and not being able to hold down food thing is getting bad. Been trying to sleep it off.
Well im on methadone, so the withdrawals probably havent even started yet. or i guess technnically I have mild withdrawals like thusday-monday bc thats when i get my take-homes and i only take half the dose so i feel fucking drained and awful.
So im like 25% less depressed than i was a year ago, but i feel a lot more stressed, way more broke, and not having near as much fun. -
2019-05-30 at 3:03 AM UTC
Originally posted by Narc this is the same with detox clinics, its all black or white, abstinence or sobriety. personally i've done fine for 10 year now just using smack as an occasional treat. this idea that you can never use without turning into a mindless junkie instantly is bullshit war on drugs thinking. its all about how you look at it. you leave school having been programmed to think that if you use drugs you'll be totally dependent on them, and so you get totally dependent on them. you expect only that happens and it happens, its inevitable. however you train your mind to see it as a treat, like going to a movie or a ball game would be. you wouldn't spend 24/7 at the theater, you get me? its no different to alcohol, many, in fact most people drink perfectly responsibly because of how they see alcohol and how they fit it into their lives. its just about management is all.
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I mean thats kinda how i feel. Not about the heroin part. Like i know for a fact ill never do heroin again. Ill never do coke or speed again. The only thing ill ever do again if i have the choice is weed, MDMA, and mushrooms/acid/dmt and alcohol. Heroin is just such a fucking dead end. I think thats what finally did it for me. I was just getting nowhere.
By that same token though, It kinda throws a wrench in the whole works if thats my plan, and if thats the case, i either way to lie to everyone in the group and my sponsor, or just drop out. -
2019-05-30 at 3:12 AM UTC
Originally posted by itybit Can you not just cut consumption to what you want without the AA/NA?
Not really. Some people can i guess, but heroin is just not generally a moderation thing. Not t mention i ended up hating the nod. Do a little shot and smoke a couple trails, and wake up slumped over on the edge of my bed with Netflix rolling credits on the same episode of LIVE PD that ive rewinded 15 or 20 times already. Stretch and take out a chunk of china white heroin, use my cheese grater to grind off a little pile. Take you decent sized rails and my eyes start fluttering. I fall forward and knock over my PS4. I put it back on the cabinet and sit back down. I wake up 3 hours later with the sun coming up.
Its just such a fucking waste. I get NOTHING out of it anymore.
Maybe i could moderate, but right now i dont even WANT drugs. Its not even a struggle. As nice as it would be o "indulge", im not sure id ever get back into the headspace where i am now. Its like risking a 20% chance you develop mild schizophrenia each time you get high.
I really just wanted someone to show me how to piece your life back together- but really i never had a life to begin with. I really kind of just wanted it for advice and support, and a roadmap to a life id want to be living, but now im coming up on these ittle speed bumps -
2019-05-30 at 9:45 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Not really. Some people can i guess, but heroin is just not generally a moderation thing. Not t mention i ended up hating the nod. Do a little shot and smoke a couple trails, and wake up slumped over on the edge of my bed with Netflix rolling credits on the same episode of LIVE PD that ive rewinded 15 or 20 times already. Stretch and take out a chunk of china white heroin, use my cheese grater to grind off a little pile. Take you decent sized rails and my eyes start fluttering. I fall forward and knock over my PS4. I put it back on the cabinet and sit back down. I wake up 3 hours later with the sun coming up.
Its just such a fucking waste. I get NOTHING out of it anymore.
Maybe i could moderate, but right now i dont even WANT drugs. Its not even a struggle. As nice as it would be o "indulge", im not sure id ever get back into the headspace where i am now. Its like risking a 20% chance you develop mild schizophrenia each time you get high.
I really just wanted someone to show me how to piece your life back together- but really i never had a life to begin with. I really kind of just wanted it for advice and support, and a roadmap to a life id want to be living, but now im coming up on these ittle speed bumps
you gotta accept that life is often slow and boring and dull and learn to cope with that. in the earlier days i would do a detox and the moment i was clean i'd get all fired up and ready to jump back on this 'roller coaster of life' thing. dash out the door expecting that to happen immediately only to be very quickly disappointed when nothing was happening like that.
i suppose really you gotta figure out what you want from life as well, and then figure a way to make that happen. just figuring that you want to be clean, and not realizing where you want to go from there is pointless. coz you'll get clean then just find yourself staring into a void not knowing what the fuck to do.
ever thought of starting some kind of business?
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2019-05-30 at 10:25 AM UTCNot sure what will work best for you Casper, but I’ve known plenty of people that a 12 step did not work for them. They utilized other services and quit for good. Not sure what Cali has, but I’m pretty sure there are programs that focus on mind, body, and soul; which sounds like what you’re doing on your own. These programs sound like a good fit for you, but only you know what works for you.
Keep going my friend, you’ll find what fits for you, but I’d educate myself on all avenues, then see where you fit. -
2019-05-30 at 2:27 PM UTCFeel like death from some gastrointestinal attack yesterday, still haven't been able to get any food in after 48 hours and I can barely keep water down so I'm massively dehydrated from sweating profusely and vomiting up any trace of anything in my stomach including bile and acid.
No idea how I'm working today but I am. Pretty sure I'm running on 95% Vyvanse and 5% actual human life force right now.
