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The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-05-29 at 1:27 PM UTCTrianglism is a higher powerThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-29 at 1:42 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 1:42 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I'm thinking NA might not be my thing, but I'm going to try to hang in there- bc I know a ton about addiction but not so much about sobriety. But my sponsor seems to be doing well and it's worked super well for him. And I u derstand that a huge part of the hole you fill with drugs is like….a spiritual lacking. But 1) I'm an atheist and the idea of "surrendering to God" is fucking weird. I understand that it's supposed to mean something else, but I just don't believe that throwing my hands up and allowing the Universe or whatever to just "mold" me into a better person is going to work. That's what I did with heroin. "Whatever happens happens, and I'm powerless to do anything about that". That's exactly why I wasted 13 years. Passivity. I need to learn not to hand over control, but to fight intelligently. That Bruce lee shit…channel that energy. Exist in the flow. Adapt.
Maybe I don't understand. And I'm reluctant to mention this to my sponsor bc he already thinks the things I'm writing are trying to sound impressive and Intellectual (I'm absolutely not that's just how the writing comes from my head), and I also don't want to seem combative. And bc I'm on methadone which I don't consider sober, but I do consider it a necessary step at least for me- to legit sobriety.
And anyone who's been in tinybltc knows drinking isn't my thing- like at all. I can count the number of times I've been seriously drunk in there on two hands. And I only drink like twice or 3 times a year. For me, drinking especially with new acquaintance she is kind of a bonding ritual. The same when we all go to my friends grave every July 24th and take a shot of Irish whiskey. I get that it's a minor thing and they'd probably understand, and it's not like I'd feel pressured…but just those little quiet moments and rituals…I'd still like to be able to take part in that without being like "I REALLY SHOULDNT BE HERE GUYS RESPECT MY SOBRIETY IM KINDA TRIGGER RITE NOW TBH". Apparently as long as I plan on ever drinking again, I can't go past step 3 bc I haven't "surrendered fully".
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just want to be fucking normal. I don't want to be one of these mopey faggots. Feels like a cult sometimes. I just want something good to pour myself into that I can feel complete and proud, and I want to wake up in ten years and have to be reminded I was a junkie. I want to take my prescribed medication and improve my health and smoke weed every couple of weeks when my back pain or depression get really bad….without feeling super guilty about it, or like I've got this deep shameful secret like there's a dead hooker under my floorboards.
I hate all this shit.
And then I told him about the weird customer guy at my word who keeps writing these awful "pilots" for different shows he's created. There's one about an "android/ genetic modification babby" . There's one about global warming. There's one about an Alien jedi comedian. There's one about a robot who runs for president. A game show where the contestants try to beat addiction . And just generally it's awful. So I mention I had to run myself off an extra copy to read at home bc it was so hilarious. And he starts "Well did he give you permission to do that?" And in my head I'm just like "fuuuuuuck me". I'm kind of a dick. That's my thing. I'm just as critical of myself as I am of everyone else. I get that this dudes wife died and now he spends his time shitting out awful screenplays. But it's still hilarious. And I don't see anything wrong with having a chuckle, as long as he doesn't get hurt as a result.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just a dick. But I don't ever want to have a stick that far up my ass unless it's a condition of me cumming in someone's throat afterwards.
Idk.ugh.
I know how you must feel and it gives me inspiration as I start sobriety fully.
I think the biggest part is filling that void. I'm a sociable person so being able to be around people who are drinking and not drink myself would be fucking HARD. I'm filling my void with fitness, reading and doing normal shit like outings to museums, restaurants etc. I shouldn't complain cause NO MORE HANGOVERS/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/HOLE IN POCKET.
I can also drive wherever the fuck I want, when I want. I'm looking into going swinger clubs as well for the sheer lulz factor.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-29 at 1:58 PM UTCCasper you need fulfillment. When I would go to NA people would always say they had difficulty with the higher power aspect but that was always the easiest obstacle for me. Actually sitting in a church basement listening to fake weird people I couldn't imagine using drugs with talking about their lives and weird perspectives is what bothered me. I would usually gravitate towards the most tattooed guys or skankiest most desperate girls and the nice older white people would talk to me afterwards with concern in their voice.
Doing the steps helps a lot with introspection which helps with filling the void. NA is good practice and part of a good lifestyle in early recovery. Yes, many aspects of it are both inauthentic as well as brimming with homosexuality but there is still benefit to be obtained if you keep an open mind. -
2019-05-29 at 2:55 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I'm thinking NA might not be my thing, but I'm going to try to hang in there- bc I know a ton about addiction but not so much about sobriety. But my sponsor seems to be doing well and it's worked super well for him. And I u derstand that a huge part of the hole you fill with drugs is like….a spiritual lacking. But 1) I'm an atheist and the idea of "surrendering to God" is fucking weird. I understand that it's supposed to mean something else, but I just don't believe that throwing my hands up and allowing the Universe or whatever to just "mold" me into a better person is going to work. That's what I did with heroin. "Whatever happens happens, and I'm powerless to do anything about that". That's exactly why I wasted 13 years. Passivity. I need to learn not to hand over control, but to fight intelligently. That Bruce lee shit…channel that energy. Exist in the flow. Adapt.
Maybe I don't understand. And I'm reluctant to mention this to my sponsor bc he already thinks the things I'm writing are trying to sound impressive and Intellectual (I'm absolutely not that's just how the writing comes from my head), and I also don't want to seem combative. And bc I'm on methadone which I don't consider sober, but I do consider it a necessary step at least for me- to legit sobriety.
And anyone who's been in tinybltc knows drinking isn't my thing- like at all. I can count the number of times I've been seriously drunk in there on two hands. And I only drink like twice or 3 times a year. For me, drinking especially with new acquaintance she is kind of a bonding ritual. The same when we all go to my friends grave every July 24th and take a shot of Irish whiskey. I get that it's a minor thing and they'd probably understand, and it's not like I'd feel pressured…but just those little quiet moments and rituals…I'd still like to be able to take part in that without being like "I REALLY SHOULDNT BE HERE GUYS RESPECT MY SOBRIETY IM KINDA TRIGGER RITE NOW TBH". Apparently as long as I plan on ever drinking again, I can't go past step 3 bc I haven't "surrendered fully".
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just want to be fucking normal. I don't want to be one of these mopey faggots. Feels like a cult sometimes. I just want something good to pour myself into that I can feel complete and proud, and I want to wake up in ten years and have to be reminded I was a junkie. I want to take my prescribed medication and improve my health and smoke weed every couple of weeks when my back pain or depression get really bad….without feeling super guilty about it, or like I've got this deep shameful secret like there's a dead hooker under my floorboards.
I hate all this shit.
And then I told him about the weird customer guy at my word who keeps writing these awful "pilots" for different shows he's created. There's one about an "android/ genetic modification babby" . There's one about global warming. There's one about an Alien jedi comedian. There's one about a robot who runs for president. A game show where the contestants try to beat addiction . And just generally it's awful. So I mention I had to run myself off an extra copy to read at home bc it was so hilarious. And he starts "Well did he give you permission to do that?" And in my head I'm just like "fuuuuuuck me". I'm kind of a dick. That's my thing. I'm just as critical of myself as I am of everyone else. I get that this dudes wife died and now he spends his time shitting out awful screenplays. But it's still hilarious. And I don't see anything wrong with having a chuckle, as long as he doesn't get hurt as a result.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just a dick. But I don't ever want to have a stick that far up my ass unless it's a condition of me cumming in someone's throat afterwards.
Idk.ugh.
hanging with a bunch of junkies and talking about drugs and shit never worked for me either.
you know plenty about sobriety tho bro. you were doing it for long enough before you hit the durgs. you just gotta relearn it is all. the worst thing to do is get clean and go jumping straight into the deep end of life. take it slow, there's no rush. learn to enjoy simple things and be patient. then just take a step here and a step there as and when you're ready.
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2019-05-29 at 3:07 PM UTCYou know, as for the"higher power" thing, the idea is supposed to be that you surrender yourself towards something rather than making the decisions towards the same malfunctioning core that got you into NA in the first place.
There's something bigger than you that matters to you, to have the courage to break through your personal boundaries for. It could be anything. You could do it for love, because you want to be the person you would want your SO to be with. That could be your guiding principle, above being the person who acts for themselves at their base. -
2019-05-29 at 4:26 PM UTC"I saw the movie, the Arnold terminator goes bonkers again and attacks linda hamilton but they figure out you just kick him in the back."
comment on new terminator trailerThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-29 at 4:31 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 4:34 PM UTCyeah and both get devoured by bedbugs
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2019-05-29 at 4:38 PM UTCPost pics of new cat
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2019-05-29 at 4:40 PM UTC
Originally posted by Octavian I know how you must feel and it gives me inspiration as I start sobriety fully.
I think the biggest part is filling that void. I'm a sociable person so being able to be around people who are drinking and not drink myself would be fucking HARD. I'm filling my void with fitness, reading and doing normal shit like outings to museums, restaurants etc. I shouldn't complain cause NO MORE HANGOVERS/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/HOLE IN POCKET.
I can also drive wherever the fuck I want, when I want. I'm looking into going swinger clubs as well for the sheer lulz factor.
Yeah im not NOT sociable. Generally im pretty quiet and stuff. At a party im never doing anything that would make me the center of attention, but im mixing drinks for people, or chopping up lines for folks at the dining room table, or asking where the flour is so i can make everyone pancakes....just generally trying to be friendly. I dont care if i never get drunk again, but being the person at a bar or party whos not drinking at all....its just kind of weird. People start asking you "whats wrong? Arent you having a good time? " and shit. lol.
Originally posted by Narc hanging with a bunch of junkies and talking about drugs and shit never worked for me either.
you know plenty about sobriety tho bro. you were doing it for long enough before you hit the durgs. you just gotta relearn it is all. the worst thing to do is get clean and go jumping straight into the deep end of life. take it slow, there's no rush. learn to enjoy simple things and be patient. then just take a step here and a step there as and when you're ready.
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Yeah i mean its cool to have a group of people to be around. Even though i hate sharing and it creates massive anxiety for me. And im the same way....even in the meetings, they seem waaaay too normal for me. They all seem like working-class drug addicts. They all had lives and stuff. I mean for 15 years i wasnt addicted, but my life was pretty objectively shit, even then. Ive been depressed since i was like...10? Ive only ever had a couple friends tops at one time. Im going to try to stick with it- although im not sure how im going to navigate it bc he wants me to decide my "clean date", and i havent even told him about the methadone. If he wasnt stoked on the CBD, i think that ones going to be a hard sell rofl.
Originally posted by Sudo Casper you need fulfillment. When I would go to NA people would always say they had difficulty with the higher power aspect but that was always the easiest obstacle for me. Actually sitting in a church basement listening to fake weird people I couldn't imagine using drugs with talking about their lives and weird perspectives is what bothered me. I would usually gravitate towards the most tattooed guys or skankiest most desperate girls and the nice older white people would talk to me afterwards with concern in their voice.
Doing the steps helps a lot with introspection which helps with filling the void. NA is good practice and part of a good lifestyle in early recovery. Yes, many aspects of it are both inauthentic as well as brimming with homosexuality but there is still benefit to be obtained if you keep an open mind.
I just dont want to put in a year to this weird culty thing and then bail out and lose that social structure and shit. If im going to bail, id rather just bail now, you know?
There is a lot of gay though. Ive never had so many deep, prolonged, heavy-breathing man hugs in my whole life. Im surprised no one has cupped by balls. A little disappointed, too tbh. :(
Originally posted by Common De-mominator You know, as for the"higher power" thing, the idea is supposed to be that you surrender yourself towards something rather than making the decisions towards the same malfunctioning core that got you into NA in the first place.
There's something bigger than you that matters to you, to have the courage to break through your personal boundaries for. It could be anything. You could do it for love, because you want to be the person you would want your SO to be with. That could be your guiding principle, above being the person who acts for themselves at their base.
I get that. Its just....im not good wrapping my head around it. Maybe bc I was raised in christian science. I always assumed there was a higher power, but it never did shit for me. And what if my higher power wants me to get yoked on steroids and oil myself to reflect the glory of the sun? What if my higher power wants me to fuck as many loose women as possible to help realign my femininity and masculinity? What if my higher power doesnt want surrender but complete, unquestioning commitment? Maybe its the same thing. Idk.
If anything, my higher power is the Universal Mind. The magnetism we feel to reach out to or help people we dont even know. Empathy. The light that causes you to sometimes take action at detriment to yourself for the greater good. The first night i went to the meeting, i mentioned that i do homeless outreach stuff, and since i dont have a car now, if anyone wanted to drive me around and help me, id buy all the stuff. *crickets*
I suppose its just easier to sit around and talk about surrender and shit tho. Idk. -
2019-05-29 at 4:41 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 4:51 PM UTCI'm going to pickup a Ps4 sometime next week and get back into gaming.
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2019-05-29 at 5:16 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah i mean its cool to have a group of people to be around. Even though i hate sharing and it creates massive anxiety for me. And im the same way….even in the meetings, they seem waaaay too normal for me. They all seem like working-class drug addicts. They all had lives and stuff. I mean for 15 years i wasnt addicted, but my life was pretty objectively shit, even then. Ive been depressed since i was like…10? Ive only ever had a couple friends tops at one time. Im going to try to stick with it- although im not sure how im going to navigate it bc he wants me to decide my "clean date", and i havent even told him about the methadone. If he wasnt stoked on the CBD, i think that ones going to be a hard sell rofl.
i take it your talking abount the coordinator, or the main dude at the meet? if so i bet he's seen it all before. just tell him, don't worry about it. afair you don't have to be clean to attend NA anyway.
plus he should know as well as anyone that pushing somebody to abstinance who isn't ready is pointless.
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2019-05-29 at 5:25 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 6:20 PM UTCmy interpretation of the higher power thing is that you just need to convince yourself that it's real even if it doesn't make sense, because it's more rational for you to recognize that even if you need to delude yourself a little bit, it is still better than being strung out and miserable. because nothing really matters anyways.
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2019-05-29 at 6:23 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 7:14 PM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 7:25 PM UTC
Originally posted by Narc i take it your talking abount the coordinator, or the main dude at the meet? if so i bet he's seen it all before. just tell him, don't worry about it. afair you don't have to be clean to attend NA anyway.
plus he should know as well as anyone that pushing somebody to abstinance who isn't ready is pointless.
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Yeah im talking about my sponsor. I have to call him once a day and we meet once or twice a week. I guess what i want is sobriety, but not necessarily abstinence. To him though- and a lot of other people in the 12 steps programs in particular- it seems like you cant have one without the other. -
2019-05-29 at 7:25 PM UTCpost pns of floppo in the shower and at any bars you go to mmq
