Post Excuses for Missing Work

1. 2019-05-20 at 1:05 AM UTC

   #1
   

   Bueno motherfucker
2. 2019-05-20 at 1:05 AM UTC

   #2
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   9/11: The Sequel.
3. 2019-05-20 at 1:06 AM UTC

   #3
   WellHung Black Hole
   i found something better to do
4. 2019-05-20 at 1:06 AM UTC

   #4
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   Vaginoscopy.
5. 2019-05-20 at 1:07 AM UTC

   #5
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   Psychotic break from reality.
6. 2019-05-20 at 1:08 AM UTC

   #6
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   Too busy fighting crime in a bat costume.
7. 2019-05-20 at 1:08 AM UTC

   #7
   

   Bueno motherfucker
8. 2019-05-20 at 1:09 AM UTC

   #8
   

   gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
   Was meditating so hard I hit nirvana and had no interest in coming back down.
9. 2019-05-20 at 1:09 AM UTC

   #9
   

   Bueno motherfucker
10. 2019-05-20 at 1:10 AM UTC

    #10
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Too hungover, so I decided to keep drinking.
    
    (Actually legitimately 99% of my missed work days IRL).
11. 2019-05-20 at 1:18 AM UTC

    #11
    

    gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    I called up an escort service, and the woman they sent over brought a gun and forced me into a dark colored cargo van. Her and three masked burly men tied me up, blind-folded me, and tossed me in the back of the van.
    
    They then drove for about ~20 minutes, which I estimated from the fact that four and a half songs played on the radio, and I assumed each song would be about 4 minutes long.
    
    I was buried in a shallow dugout in an unknown location.
    
    I remember hearing one of them on the phone asking for ransom money, but I'm pretty sure they mistook me for someone else. I have barely a penny to my name.
    
    I managed to break myself free from the restraints, and, when I saw just the right opportunity, I seized it, and pounced towards one of the kidnappers.
    
    I took his cell phone and used it to call 911, and the police brought me to the hospital, and began questioning me.
    
    However, I recognized the last name the inquiring detective gave me... I had overheard that same name while in the back of the van.
    
    I remained silent for the time being... But as soon as he left the room, I hopped out of the hospital bed and booked it for the rear exit. I made my way down the street a few blocks, and then hailed a cab, and asked the driver to take me to a police precinct the next town over.
    
    Anyway, that's why I missed work today.
    
    I'm still at said precinct figuring shit out.
    
    I might miss a few more days.
    
    Just sayin'.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • WellHung, 
    • Bueno, 
    • Lanny, 
    • Nil, 
    • Zanick
12. 2019-05-20 at 1:39 AM UTC

    #12
    blaster master victim of incest
13. 2019-05-20 at 1:45 AM UTC

    #13
    

    Bueno motherfucker
14. 2019-05-20 at 2:25 AM UTC

    #14
    Nil African Astronaut [the overexcited four-footed chanar]
    "the mud was drying"
    "coldn't reach the tenant"
    "I need to go to this specialty shop and see if they have the part"
    "have you noticed them for entry??"
    "[insert random vehicle trouble]"
15. 2019-05-20 at 3:12 AM UTC

    #15
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Maintenance being done at your apartment.
    
    Have to sign for a package.
    
    Didn’t sleep well.
    
    Allergies.
16. 2019-05-20 at 3:12 AM UTC

    #16
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    Oh yeah and furniture being delivered
17. 2019-05-20 at 3:13 AM UTC

    #17
    Nil African Astronaut [the overexcited four-footed chanar]

    Originally posted by -mal- Maintenance being done at your apartment.

    
    
    
    u don't need to be around there while I enter your abode and pass judgement on everything.
18. 2019-05-20 at 3:46 AM UTC

    #18
    

    A College Professor victim of incest [your moreover breastless limestone]
    "I'm not coming in today"
19. 2019-05-20 at 3:48 AM UTC

    #19
    Nil African Astronaut [the overexcited four-footed chanar]
    "i'm trying to overthrow the capitalists, b back tuesday"
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • Lanny
20. 2019-05-20 at 5:15 AM UTC

    #20
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    "It's a religious holiday where I don't wear clothes and have to maintain an erection all day"
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • blaster master, 
    • Octavian