Originally posted by hydromorphone
I don't think all men are shit. I think a lot of people are shit, and from my experience, at least from what I've seen, most woman do end up being the bigger cunt in the scenario more often than not. Could also be I've had more male friends over the years than females, so I got to see their side of it more than say a female friend going through similar.
I knew PoC since I was 16. I actually politely declined a long distance relationship with him all those years ago. We lost contact for a good period of time, from when he called 911 on me when I overdosed on my scripts in a suicide attempt, and after a few years I got back in touch with him and we've been friends up until recently when after a suicide attempt on his part, I guess it worked out for us to work toward a relationship and try to help each other out of our holes we've gotten ourselves in. Our mental illness's are very similar, and we do think alike, had a lot of similar interests, and desires for the future. I think the biggest issue PoC didn't understand about me though is how my head gets when my epilepsy gets bad off. It's funny though, he should have at least to some degree, being he gets sensory sensitivity, which is pretty much like how I get when it's bad- guess I didn't "explain" it right though. Another difference is he was far more unable to understand or empathize with people. He'd get in his ways and it didn't matter if he promised, said he would or you begged, he'd not be there, but like the other day… he needed a full debriefing to "approve" my leave for why I couldn't talk to him right then. It's not always possible for me to think clearly much less be able to articulate what is wrong or what's going on with me- I mistakenly thought he knew that about epilepsy and my issues going on there.
I never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place, never sought anything out like that, but during his suicidal period he was talking to me, I was trying to convince him not to do it, that he hadn't given life a fair shake, etc. and needed to get away from his mother who really is a huge negative force in his life. He'd mentioned at one time wanting to be with me, but not thinking it possible, especially after I had my son, so I suggested, at Malice's urging to give that a chance together- while he was in the hospital he had his mom give me his # and while talking to him, that's where it led.
I drove to see him for his birthday and stayed 3 days while visiting him. We'd both planned to move in together sometime in the near future. I ddnt give him $500, I gave him two gifts equal to about $500. (forgot too.. the amp for the guitar… there was another 80$) along with some other odds and ends including the phenibut I had left which was a good 20-25grams and some other little things I thought he might find useful (128gb SD card for his new phone and an OTG cable- which yeah… they're incredibly useful IMO before I broke my S5 I used mine all the time for all sorts of fun stuff- another 40-50$ there). I just tried to do nice things for him, and give him nice gifts for his birthday. While I didn't pay for them our right I acquired them in some work I did a while back, and had really had them as backups to pawn if/when shit got tight and I needed $$, but I really wanted to do something nice for PoC and be able to share music with him as I'd gotten a good deal of enjoyment and anxiety relief out of learning to play (depsite him saying he wanted to learn, he never put 10minutes of effort into shit so yeah… it was a fucking waste… shit, I at least enjoyed playing the electric guitar). Not to mention, my T-PAIN was on demand to him while there, and I'd also mailed him between 1/2- and 1 gram of T-PAIN 3-4 times when I thought he could use it, when his anxiety and depression were really getting bad.
I just don't see, with what I gave for a birthday present, and all the times I sent the shit I literally require to live and function on a daily basis, how anyone could day I used him or cared more about the drug I am physically dependent on to function more than I did him. It's bullshit.
I don't want to be with anyone. I won't be every making that mistake again. This isn't about men or woman, relationships like this or simple friendships, I won't be making the mistake again.
Yeah, you would. You're that kind of sicko. How's your pretend life going? Great I suspect. Wish I could live a lie like you too. I envy you for that.
MASH- I appreciate your kindness but I wont be bothering you with a PM. My life is far too fucked and I'd rather not converse about it any longer. Take care, hope shit is going good for you. You're a special kinda person, just hope life doesn't crush that like it has done with me.
My life is going 很好, thanks for asking. Got all A's last semester except for a B+ in Chinese (somehow) license soon, money in the bank, hopefully studying abroad next year. Can provide report cards, license, bank screenshot, and pictures of me on the great wall if you don't kill yourself before 2018. I swear to Yahweh I'm going to find a random little kid in China who doesn't know English and make him hold a niggasin.space sign. Mark my words.
Oh, and I've been exercising daily too, which helps.
You reap what you sow hydro. I won't waste too much of my breath since you wouldn't listen and I don't want to read your brick shit reply anyway, but just take a look at what others here have said about you and your situation, and take a good long stare in the mirror and think about why your life is the way it is. I did, and that's why my life is so much better now than it was when I was at all involved with you. Petty drama really tends to suck the life out of a person and if you actually have it in you to escape that drama I strongly suggest doing so. If not for yourself, then for your son.
By the way, ^^^THIS^^^ is how you write a concise post.
