Originally posted by mmQ
Why in the shit did you do any of that. I skim your posts usually trying to get the gist of them, but I really don't know about you and Crack's relationship or how long you've been talking, etc. What I've gathered and may have wrong, is that you have talked to him for a long time maybe at least a few years, and just recently took a different fancy to him, and he to you, what with you traveling to him. Was that meant to be a relationship or was it meant to just be a visit?
Piles, from what relatively little of his I've read since I joined zoklet, has always been self-admittedly a defeatist and a heavily depressed and more or less worthless individual. Ha. I'm not saying he is, I'm just saying he's kind of always had that attitude I think though he's had spurts of good times and better spirits, he's actually kind of similar to me in that regard. But, my point is when someone claims that about himself, and given your history, it should raise an immediate large orange fuzzy flag at full mast that stays erect forever. This flag reminds you that no matter how sincere, how sweet, how genuine a person might sound… unless you've seen a noticeable change in them over a period of at least 6 months, they are probably filling you full of shit.
I mean you clearly see that now, expressing it in your posts about 'how you should have known.' I think it's apparent to me that you have a good heart and well, likely really want a partner to share it with.. I could be wrong. But you've chosen for whatever reason to get involved with a few people from this community and both have been the complete opposite experiences of what you had hoped for. You want to be that perfect girlfriend? maybe? Being there, giving gifts, stuff like that, and you can do that, and all you need to do is not fux with depressed alcoholics and haphazard lifestyle drug users.
Meh this kind of just sounds like generic advice. I was about to tell you to be patient, the right man will come along. Haha. But I mean, I guess that sometimes ends up being true. Anyway I'm sure you know what I mean. Just don't become one of the cringe-girls that have some bad relationships and need to bring up how 'all men suck' as often as possible. I don't think you're that type anyway. Most of us are shitheads but you can usually spot it out, and then all you have to do is not convince yourself that you can make it work, or that you can fix us. You can't fix someone. Except me. Send me $1000 and a cake and you'll have cured my depression.
I am curious what was running through your mind when you thought a)giving poc $500 is a good idea and b)when you decided that it needed to be $500 instead of a normal birthday gift like $50 or maybe $100?
Gracias you.
I don't think all men are shit. I think a lot of people are shit, and from my experience, at least from what I've seen, most woman do end up being the bigger cunt in the scenario more often than not. Could also be I've had more male friends over the years than females, so I got to see their side of it more than say a female friend going through similar.
I knew PoC since I was 16. I actually politely declined a long distance relationship with him all those years ago. We lost contact for a good period of time, from when he called 911 on me when I overdosed on my scripts in a suicide attempt, and after a few years I got back in touch with him and we've been friends up until recently when after a suicide attempt on his part, I guess it worked out for us to work toward a relationship and try to help each other out of our holes we've gotten ourselves in. Our mental illness's are very similar, and we do think alike, had a lot of similar interests, and desires for the future. I think the biggest issue PoC didn't understand about me though is how my head gets when my epilepsy gets bad off. It's funny though, he should have at least to some degree, being he gets sensory sensitivity, which is pretty much like how I get when it's bad- guess I didn't "explain" it right though. Another difference is he was far more unable to understand or empathize with people. He'd get in his ways and it didn't matter if he promised, said he would or you begged, he'd not be there, but like the other day... he needed a full debriefing to "approve" my leave for why I couldn't talk to him right then. It's not always possible for me to think clearly much less be able to articulate what is wrong or what's going on with me- I mistakenly thought he knew that about epilepsy and my issues going on there.
I never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place, never sought anything out like that, but during his suicidal period he was talking to me, I was trying to convince him not to do it, that he hadn't given life a fair shake, etc. and needed to get away from his mother who really is a huge negative force in his life. He'd mentioned at one time wanting to be with me, but not thinking it possible, especially after I had my son, so I suggested, at Malice's urging to give that a chance together- while he was in the hospital he had his mom give me his # and while talking to him, that's where it led.
I drove to see him for his birthday and stayed 3 days while visiting him. We'd both planned to move in together sometime in the near future. I ddnt give him $500, I gave him two gifts equal to about $500. (forgot too.. the amp for the guitar... there was another 80$) along with some other odds and ends including the phenibut I had left which was a good 20-25grams and some other little things I thought he might find useful (128gb SD card for his new phone and an OTG cable- which yeah... they're incredibly useful IMO before I broke my S5 I used mine all the time for all sorts of fun stuff- another 40-50$ there). I just tried to do nice things for him, and give him nice gifts for his birthday. While I didn't pay for them our right I acquired them in some work I did a while back, and had really had them as backups to pawn if/when shit got tight and I needed $$, but I really wanted to do something nice for PoC and be able to share music with him as I'd gotten a good deal of enjoyment and anxiety relief out of learning to play (depsite him saying he wanted to learn, he never put 10minutes of effort into shit so yeah... it was a fucking waste... shit, I at least enjoyed playing the electric guitar). Not to mention, my T-PAIN was on demand to him while there, and I'd also mailed him between 1/2- and 1 gram of T-PAIN 3-4 times when I thought he could use it, when his anxiety and depression were really getting bad.
I just don't see, with what I gave for a birthday present, and all the times I sent the shit I literally require to live and function on a daily basis, how anyone could day I used him or cared more about the drug I am physically dependent on to function more than I did him. It's bullshit.
I don't want to be with anyone. I won't be every making that mistake again. This isn't about men or woman, relationships like this or simple friendships, I won't be making the mistake again.
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好
I think I'm going to masturbate to hydro's misery and then cry afterwards because you guys dox'd me and my bottles.
Yeah, you would. You're that kind of sicko. How's your pretend life going? Great I suspect. Wish I could live a lie like you too. I envy you for that.
MASH- I appreciate your kindness but I wont be bothering you with a PM. My life is far too fucked and I'd rather not converse about it any longer. Take care, hope shit is going good for you. You're a special kinda person, just hope life doesn't crush that like it has done with me.
