Speedy Parker
Black Hole
[my absentmindedly lachrymatory gazania]
I have had a mortal fear of Chess since the fateful knight when I found out humanity was a mere pawn rooked by kings and queens through fear installed by bishops.
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One time, I walked directly into a Kmart aisle for the coughy syrup when I was down and out and really wanted to just get fucked up. I pocketed 2 tall bottles and then made the mistake of walking over to the cat food aisle to make it look like I wanted something and I asked the guy if they had Alley Cat brand cat food. He said no, which I knew he would.
Then I went up to the desk and grabbed a western union thing and told the clerk I'd bring it back I just wanted to fill it out later.
She said that's fine but had a funny look in her eye and I knew she knew that I was already busted. So I left anyway and walked fast and then FOUR people started coming after me outside the building. I tried running but it was winter lol and they surrounded me and grabbed my backpack and it was such a ahitty situation . It pissed me off and I told them tonfucking get off me I didnt do SHIT!!!!
But then I admitted to it because they obviously wrent gonna let me leave.
I volunte2red to do some shoplifting class instead of them calling the police and then I never did and that was that.
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This one time I was on duty and looking across the mall to the Loblaws on the other side, and I just happened to notice a guy at thier meat section, a big fucker, at least 6'5", with long blondish hair and a neanderthal face, stuff at least ten packs of meat into his waistband. Then he went right out the front door, and I said fuck it, not my store. Then the guy comes back in through the same door five minutes later and I watch him go right up to the meat section in Loblaws again and starts piling up packs of steaks and high-end meat under his arm. So I went to my service desk and picked up the phone and called my store manager and told him about it, and he said I should definitely apprehend him, even though he's in the other store, not ours. He said there's a great chance we'd be next, so may as well take him out right now, but get permission from the Loblaw's management.
So I crossed over and the guy has got at least 20 packs of assorted meats on him that he's holding in his arms at this point, that he took time to pick out, so I went to the Loblaw's office and asked the manager if I could take him out and she said absolutely. So I go back out on the floor and the clown now has all twenty packs of meat stuffed into his waistband already, in front, and behind, and on both sides, and his sweater is sticking out like a balloon, at which point he heads on down the aisle and heads directly for the exit door. When he went out, I walked up beside him and flipped my badge and told him he was under arrest. Suddenly, he starts doing the chicken, literally, and all the packs of meat go flying up and down and out and all around on the ground, and he drops to the ground having a caniption fit, then this girl runs into the thick of it and he throws his keys to her, and she grabs them perfectly and runs to a van parked very near and she gets in and revs up and screeches and burns rubber over to where I have him pinned to the ground. I thought for a second she was going to run us both over, but then she sped off, with whatever booty they had been able to get before I nailed him. Didn't get the plate that time either, because it was so chaotic.
Next thing I have him in cuffs up in the security office of the Loblaws, and who calls? Her. She wants to talk to her man and see what's up.
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I used to buy like 500 dollars of amazon gift cards regularly to buy bitcoin and I did actually feel suspicious doing that
For some reason the gas station chain could only sell like 300 dollars worth per day and i use to make it so that nobody could buy any more amazon cards from that chain in like the whole county till the next day lol
It was quite the quandary
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Originally posted by Misterigh
I have never met someone that is obese and or unhealthy that is also moral. The filth of their low moral life style sews it ways into their souls/conscience and degrades them in a downward spiral motion. There is no help for these people.
They should be exterminated.
Fat people are honestly just depressing to me. It sincerely bothers me seeing obese people - because it's sad.
I can see why they wouldn't be jolly and probably have shit morals. Their entire physical appearance denotes selfishness, greed, and a gross lack of impulse control.
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I love being sober cause it gives me time to reflect and really accept that I'm an arse hole at the best of times when drunk. I think there's been various triggers over time that each have their own correlating problems. For example I could:
Want a drink that in turn leads me to go on a binge and thus snort coke.
I could snort some coke offered to me, leading to drink if not getting more coke, (most likely).
Maybe just being in a room with users. (Just don't be around them, yes, I know)
Getting drunk leading to black out events, getting into trouble. E.g. losing your fucking job.
Personally I think never accepting the tough fact I have shit will power has been a bigger trigger. I must be in denial and can't accept it.
"Pfft it's been a while now without a drop, you must have built up some will power surely?" I would ask myself. There's so much I've lost in the past due to over indulgence but it never registers at the point of relapse. All those celebrities that have gone teetotal as a result of their excessiveness, I would look at and think, "imagine doing something so much, you can never enjoy it again?"
"Fuck-that. No, that will never be me." But in fact it is. I've tried thinking of ways around it, being somewhere or with someone when I drink to keep an eye out. Casper said this is called "bargaining"; which only confirms being indenial more. Being sober has it's pros though, I just miss the social aspect. I do fear perceptions of being seen as a bore or w.e. I am more relaxed/ talkative after one or two, I just don't believe one is restricted to not being as cheery sober as they are drunk.
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The best way to shoplift is you go at night on the roof directly over the electronics section and you make a two foot by two foot hole there, and then you come back during the day with a fishing rod and go up there and fish items from the displays while no one is there.
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ops a total cum.swapper but I don't like the girl scouts either, they've been all over the place lately, and I'll be polite sometimes and be like "maybe next time doll" and smile and their aunt or mother or whoever will smile at me but the little girls will have this rattitude like "HOW DARE YOU!" So now I'm just at the point where I keep my ear buds in and completely ignore them.
I don't even like cookies for the most part so why don't they sell something else like tacos or alliGAYtor jerkey. Hell something even simple like some iced tea with a squeeze of lemon in it id pay for..
next one that hassles me I'm going to sucker punch the little slut and tell her cash me out side bitch and then run away
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The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
