My depression isnt natural but situational atm. The way I isolated myself is more complicated to break out of than is said, esp. with social anxiety, bad personality, mental problems. Every day im sober i sense that my brain is functioning slightly better. Im starting to worry that I might be becoming foreveralone, Im scared to end up like hikkimori-yume or mash. I also had some sort of physical priblem that makes me feel like shit all the time for no reason, which i suspect is something like chronic fatigue syndrome. My way of processing reality is all fucked from bundy spice abuse and i suspect i might have literal brain damage now. I just doubt Im ever going to be a normally functioning human and thats what makes me hate myself
i cant focus on reading anything for more than a few pages. I used to think I have some mild form of dyslexia. I cant absorb knowledge at the critical rate I would like
Im reading The Biggest Secret by David Icke and its about shapeshifting reptillian humanoids from the lower fourth dimension who rape children for the New World Order. What are some other similarly mind expanding books (that actuqlly make sense to a degree)
Its hard to find a thing when i have no energy to do anything. Thats the main problem, i can take steps to unfuck my life but its harder for me than other people to do basic shit like self care even because i gave myself the bundy equivalent of chronic lyme disease. I try different nootropics to try to make my body function but nothing seems to work
Ive been sober for a week and i feel like shit all of the time. My body is weak and sore and moving is too much effort because im so tired. Not even just mental depression, I feel physically ill constantly like i have to lay down because sitting up is too much effort. I might just stay sober now so i can unfuck my life, but if this physical malaise is permanent wtf is the point. I cant do basic things just because i feel so drained im at a clear disadvantage in this sense
Originally posted by mmQ
Ok. I'm not familiar with it. I cant get into Canada what with their weird DUI law but if this hotel is what you say it is I guess I dont have to.
Even though my depression came back im glad im off Crouton. It causes mental retardation and i didnt listen to music for like an entire year when i was on it . It made me content with who i am and my living situation, but i realize now that it was just stagnating me in a state of never growing. Being able to experience sadness is a good thing, it feels bad but its necessary for retrospection and growth. Im grateful for the suffering, theres no other as powerful motivating force in human psychology to push a person to evolve. Realizing how fucked up i am (in the ways that arent cool) is the first step to progress
