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2019-08-04 at 10:21 AM UTC in I found "The Fonaplats Thread" from Zoklet
Originally posted by Fonaplats From many moons ago.
I remember it being one of my favorite threads that I made but idk if this was the final draft of it or not. I just kinda stumpled apon it with Slaynk's help.
https://archive.vn/bRiKA
Thread: The FONAPLATS Thread View Single Post
#46
Old 07-02-2013, 08:04 PM
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Baron
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Default Re: The FONAPLATS Thread
I feel as though I should let you gaiz know a bit more about me.
All my life I have done somewhat out of the box things. But my life didn't get fun fun until I turned 18. I mean it was already fun, but not fun fun. I was going to school for my airframe and powerplant license so I could get a jerb workin on aeroplanes. I graduated on May 16th 2008. That is also my birthday, so I went to my buddies house (he was my boss at the time) and I got drunk as fuck and went to a strip club.
Oh and um…. I got accused of being on drugs at school when I was 17 or something and I hadnt done drugs for a year.
Anyways I turn 18 go to a strip club and waste all my monies. Then a month later I am in court on a possession of xanax charge Frown So I get 5 years of supervised probation and a 30 day suspended sentence.
Sometime during the 4th of July weekend (2008) I got a DUI. Yea I was fucking drunk driving. Anyways I somehow managed to get released that very same night and found my car. I was driving back home 2 hours after I got the DUI.
So I get 1 year of probation in another county and I had to take some DUI appreciation class.
So I was living with my parents and didnt want to tell 'em. So I kept driving and pretended it was all good.
Then one night that August I decided to go pick up a hooker and I got pulled over on my way home for going 97 in a 45. So I got a driving under suspension charge…. He arrested me and I was in the back of the cop car. I pulled out my Visa and posted bail from the backseat! Yea the cops around here are cool as shit.
At this point I am on probation in 3 different counties and basically fucked.
I remember going to see one of my probation officers who happened to be black. I was there for a drug test. Unfortunately some famous black guy died the day before and my black probation officer was all torn up over it. So I am high as a kite watching a sad black man yell at me for being a fool. I had no hope of passing a drug test that day so I said I was going to go to my car and get him some paper work or something. That is when I ran.
So I am wanted now and have nothing. No jerb, no ID. I am all freakin out.
Heroin kicks ass. Thats all I have to say about it. Banging heroin and inhaling computer duster. Fuck yea. So I am chillin at a friends house strung out on drugs. I need money so I decide to try doing some B&E's.
Pro-tip: Dont do B&E's while drunk on steel reserve. (will find out why later in post)
2009 picked up for me and I landed like 3 jerbs doing meaningless shit that a robot was being designed to do. I was working 70+ hours a week at $9 and hour. All was good.
Crack cocaine!
Yea so… like Im crawling on the floor smoking anything that looks like crack. Im chasing the high and losing bad. I have a meeting with the HR person at work the next day to get promoted. I stay up all night smoking crack.
The next day I walk into work smoking crack and shit. I get called over to the meeting room with the HR person and she takes 1 look at my eyes and says "GTFO you god damn junkie!"
So I am unemployed and shit now.
hmm….. Lets sell drugs!
I got money and a car. I start selling drugs. But selling and using dont mix. I had no hope of being a gangsta like the rappers on t.v. But I kept trying… I was to pull into a gas station in the later months of 2009 when…
Poindexter!!!
I see this dude at the pump next to me and he is yelling at people "Do you wanna buy some methadone??" I was laughing so hard I had to meet this guy. I followed him to a house and was drinking methadone with him and talking. Poindexter was his name and shit he was cool as fuck.
For months I hang out with Poindexter doing Heroin and taking xanax and going on adventures. It was sooo much fun. I seen people OD and shit and I touched boobies.
Then one night in Febuary 2010 I am sitting in a house with Poindexter. We get drunk and go buy a gun. Back at the house we are getting more drunk and shooting up everything. (This house was like 500 feet from a school) So I am getting drunk and Poindexter is blasting his SKS into his bathroom. I am really fucked up not to notice this is a bad idea but w/e. He are playing beer pong and shit and shooting up his house for fun.
BAM!
GTF DOWN! GET DOWN NOW!
AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHH
Cops :/
So here I am sitting in a house full of drugs, guns and drunk peoples. Poindexter still has a pistol in the back of his pants. The cops start searching everyone and Poindexter is about to kill the cops. I am drinking my drank and laughing at the cops.
Poindexter goes for his pistol but it gets hung up in his butt or something and he gets taken down. At this point the cops are flipping out and scared as shit knowing they are probably going to die. I am so high that I just stood up and walked over to a window and jumped out. Now I am on the 3rd story of this house and land on a sidewalk. God damn that fall hurt like a motherfucker.
So Poindexter is in jail for Felon in possession of firearm. What do I do now….
STRIPPERS!!!!
Oh yea, Im drunk as fuck and getting lap dances. Im so drunk I cant work the atm at the strip club so I decide to just drive to the bank.
Well my supercharges Pontiac Grand Prix GTP had lil tread left. And my drunken lead foot was stompin the gas pedal and doing burnout at every light.
So Im in the bank parking lot getting arrested and shit. Im so drunk and I am on my way to jail when I remember I have bunch of xanax in my sock. So I manage to get to them and eat them all.
Im in jail totally confused and just waving at people and shit.
Next day I bail out and am pretty damn fucked. The bank was near a ghetto and some niggers decided to try and steal my car. They managed to take my subs and some monies but totally missed the bag of weed in the door. The fucked up the steering column with a god damn screwdriver and bobby pin pretty damn good.
Doesnt matter.
I sell the car for heroin and get high before court.
So here I am in court babbling like a fool. The judge makes some comment along the lines of "shut up" and next thing I know I am in jail for 30 days.
The jail here is rough as hell and I was on the chain gang. Everyday I woke up, got chained, driven out to some random location and forced to work.
But the jail does serve you cake 3 times a day, and damn it is so yummy.
2 days before I am to be released I get a letter from a court in another county. Im stuck in jail for another week and half before I get transported out to their court. So I am sitting in court chowing down on milk and cookies some police officer gave me and my name is called. The judge says something along the lines of "You are a dumbass. Go to jail for 30 days" I was sad so I said "no no! I already been in jail over 30 days". Judge said "well, okay you are free to go then."
A month later I get a phone call
Me - hello
Cop - Is this Andrew Steele?
Me - Yup, who is this??
Cop - This is Detective DickHurt, and I am investigating some old B&E and I ran the prints again and you popped up.
Me - Uh… okay :/
Cop - Do you remember breaking into a property in 2008?
Me - No
Cop - Well, you did. And you was drunk as hell cuz you left beers around and ate their food and made a big mess.
Me - Damn it
Cop - See you in court
So a couple months later, I am walking on sunshine doing community service at an animal shelter. I take a break from cleaning dog poop off of blankets and go outside to smoke a blunt. Outside there are 2 big dog cages for the police doggies. I sit down and smoke my blunt. I am blowing the smoke into the dogs faces and shit and they just bark bark bark. A cop comes around the corner and is all like "Are u really smoking marijuana with the police dogs?"
So I am arrested again and spend Halloween weekend 2010 in jail.
So I play good guy for a while and lay low. When all the sudden…
BATH SALTZ!!
So its now May 2011 and I am shooting bath salts up 60-100 times a day. I have huge ass abscesses and I look like the walking dead. This goes on for months until October when the state of Ohio made them illegal. By this time I am fucked up so bad.
Hep C sucks
I go back to heroin but shit I have no tolerance for that drug anymore. I OD and wake up in the hospital. Everyone is like "Go to rehab." I am like no, I have more drugs to do.
So I get arrested a couple more times and then I find myself sitting at the kitchen table with 300-10mg Valium I bought from Pakistan. I needed to make sure they where real so I ate 10 of them. Went to walmart with a bb gun and was shoplifting and pointing it at people. All the sudden some asshole tackles me and beats me up.
So I am in jail and it takes me 2 weeks to come out of my daze. I apparently was a big problem for them and kept hitting panic buttons and crawling into bed with other inmates. So I go to court via webcam and I am so high on the drugs they gave me in jail (cuz I told them lies and said I was crazy) that I lose consciousness while in court and hit the back of my head on a table. Everyone is freaking out and shit so I wake up and stand back up. Then I do it again.
Finally they give me a fucking chair and I say to the judge lady "I dont wanna go to rehab just give me more jail cake". She thanked me for my candor andI spent the next 3 months in jail.
When I finally got out I was so happy. I decided to buy some drugs.
Its some week in April 2012 now….
Tuesday - OD on Benzos and wake up in the hospital
Thursday - OD on heroin and wake up in the hospital with a Felony charge
Saturday - Get super drunk and call the police and yell at them! Wake up in the hospital again.
So I stay in the hospital for a week and they made me go to a rehab for 30 some days. Totally gay rehab that sucked dick. I got accused of grabbin titties and was put in lockdown.
I get out in June 2012 and knowing I have a Felony charge I had to do something fast before I go to court. \
SWIM managed to crash all the courts compooters and they lost all the records for upcoming court dates, along with all the info about said events.
Yea so I dont want to push my luck anymore. I have been pretty good for a year now. I still indulge but I havent been as careless. Now I just waste time on zoklet… oh and make flower boxes and shit.
__________________
I'm in great physical condition, my mind is focused, I'm blessed. Money has never been an issue with me. I will make and continue to make plenty of money.
Last edited by FONAPLATS; 07-02-2013 at 08:13 PM.
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didn't read faggot
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2019-08-04 at 10:01 AM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
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2019-08-04 at 9:55 AM UTC in I can not decide if I am a man or a woman.
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2019-08-04 at 2:40 AM UTC in I can not decide if I am a man or a woman.
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2019-08-04 at 2:37 AM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
Originally posted by Wariat Ive never used strenmgth or intimidation on people my entire life.
wow, you polish ultras must be real scary. good for you that you never had to face a proper british firm back in the day.Then they would have to do that for everyone with resources and that is literally millions of AMericans. WHere do they draw the line anyone who can afford to travel to mexico and cubaq or any country technically has those resources too and can just live in shithole countries and skip bail. They sure didnt use it for Polanski who did actually flee and his own lawyer even warned him or told him to ahead of time nor did that guy get punished for it so why are you so biased against Jeff and his rights?
Every black rapper should not get bail now also right because they all have monmey and can easily make their life abroad. Also how would the judge or court evena rgue for literally hundreds of people just as powerful or wwealthy getting bail for a variety of crimes or how he is already judged guilty before innocent? Any good lawyer could easily argue or prove this.
there's a big difference between being able to afford to go vacation in mexico for a couple of weeks and going there for life on the run where you can't work, use bank accounts or any of your own identity documents etc.
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2019-08-04 at 1:51 AM UTC in Boris Johnson Prime Ministerthis eu freedom of movement thing is kinda weird. in theory according to eu law i can move around europe freely. however in reality, if i was to go to the ferry terminal or airport and try to board a boat or plane over to france or spain or any of the countries on the continent then i would have serious trouble boarding without showing my passport. the thing is they require id to board and a passport is pretty much the only form of id they'd willingly accept. i could try using a driving license but at the very least i would face a mountain of red tape before getting through, if i was to get through at all. its not like going from say new york to pennsylvania or something like that. even going to southern ireland i would still have the same problem. being an island makes it different for the UK as its not as simple as crossing a few fields, you're reliant on airlines and ferries to get you over there. obviously now a days you have all this terrorism bullshit being used as an excuse, which just makes it even worse.
why you think all those migrants at calais were always trying to sneak on to the back of trucks in an attempt to get to the UK? and even when they manage to get across half the time they get picked up walking down the motorway like idiots and deported, only to try again and again.
also i've come across many foreigners in jail who are just sitting in there waiting for depotation orders to be sorted out. its never been as simple as just going over to england and staying there.
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2019-08-03 at 2:58 PM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
Originally posted by Speedy Parker Federal Courts
In federal court, the Bail Reform Act of 1984 dictates when a judge can deny bail based on a defendant’s dangerousness. Generally, protective detentions are allowed in the federal system only for defendants charged with certain crimes. These crimes include:
crimes of violence
crimes with a maximum penalty of life in prison or death
drug offenses that carry at least ten years in prison
any felony, where the defendant has at least two prior qualifying felony convictions, and
felonies that involve minor victims, possession or use of weapons, or failure to register as a sex offender.
(18 U.S.C.A. § 3142(e) & (f)(1) (2016).) Being charged with one of these offenses only makes a defendant eligible for denial of bail. To actually deny bail, the judge must also find by clear and convincing evidence that there aren’t any conditions of release that could protect the public. In making this call, a judge is supposed to consider:
the nature and circumstances of the charges
the seriousness of the danger posed by the defendant
the strength of the prosecution’s evidence against the defendant
the defendant’s criminal history, and
personal characteristics of the defendant.
Relevant personal characteristics might include things like substance abuse and mental health history, employment, and family ties. (18 U.S.C.A. § 3142(g) (2016).)
A judge who decides to deny bail must include the reasons for the denial in a written order. A defendant can then appeal the decision to a higher court. But the chances of winning the appeal are usually pretty slim. (18 U.S.C.A. §§ 3142(i), 3145 (2016).)
they will also consider if the accussed has the resources to easily flee the country, including money and connections, especially if known to have connections abroad.
i mean how many friends in the movie industry would this guy have with their own boats and planes?
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2019-08-03 at 2:46 PM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
Originally posted by Wariat If so then he wont spill anything nor have reasons to. And if they want they cnss wy fuk you or spindoctor the guikiible americns public anytime czlling it a deed for the greater good.nthey did it like i mentioned to nazis who worked on the rocket program.
do wut?
nobody speaks polski here
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2019-08-03 at 2:44 PM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
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2019-08-03 at 2:43 PM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
Originally posted by Wariat Females snitching left and right and making shit up aboutnpeople in the office or getting ahead with manipulations or turning in illegal workers to the government snd scting how females dod eserve it sll and more. Thats not even mentioning their feminism and metoo.
but you don't complain when as a male you get to use your strength advantage or ability to use intimidation and brute force whenever you need to tho. but when a woman uses the only abilities available to her then you start crying like a fucking bitch.
lol, pussy.
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2019-08-03 at 1:12 PM UTC in Boris Johnson Prime Ministeri could just eat some bacon right now
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2019-08-03 at 12:41 PM UTC in I can not decide if I am a man or a woman.BUT DOES HE HAVE ANY BAWLS THO ???
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2019-08-02 at 12:52 PM UTC in Boris Johnson Prime Minister
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2019-08-02 at 12:38 PM UTC in Boris Johnson Prime Minister
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny ja, and in the mean time, in the time before they become citizens and after they arrived in the UK who are the ones feeding them and housing them and medicat them ?
they get limited housing and benefits while they are in the process but its barely enough to cover basics. there are many myths going around that the moment they step off the boat they are given a 3 bedroom house and full benefits but its bullshit. its the sort of thing anti-immigration types go spreading around just to turn people against immigration.
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2019-08-01 at 4:05 PM UTC in I can not decide if I am a man or a woman.
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2019-08-01 at 4:01 PM UTC in I can not decide if I am a man or a woman.
Originally posted by Speedy Parker Straight males could end the whole bullshit about legally changing your sex. Insurance companies charge males more for auto, health, and life insurance. If every straight male in America went to the BMV tomorrow and changed their sex on their DL the insurance lobbyist would put a stop to that in less than a year.
lol, imagine all 330 million Americans were all legally female.
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2019-08-01 at 3:58 PM UTC in Active Shooter in GilroyWell if you want my comeback you'll have to scrape it off your mommas teeth
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2019-08-01 at 3:56 PM UTC in Jeffery (((Epstein))) attempts suicide
Originally posted by Wariat Do you guys think Jeffrey had a lot of fun in hia life? Like now even being disgraced may have been worth it considering he really lived life to the fullest?
If completely ruining many young girls lives by putting them through a very frightening, painful and harrowing ordeal is your idea of fun then, I guess.
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2019-08-01 at 3:53 PM UTC in Active Shooter in Gilroy
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2019-08-01 at 3:42 PM UTC in Boris Johnson Prime Minister
