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Thanked Posts by CASPER
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2020-06-06 at 2:43 PM UTC in From Foundations of Geopolitics, a mandatory read by all RussiansIve seen that interview before. Was pretty interesting.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-06 at 1:49 PM UTC in What are you doing at the momentThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-06 at 1:20 PM UTC in What are you doing at the momentU feel no emption bc i havent yet taken u on a river raft at night to shoot off fireworks n show u the big dipperThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-06 at 12:52 PM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..
Originally posted by Bill Krozby quit your whyte knyghting wench, we all no grylls is a huge lamer/turd, the only reason why he's not wariorat/hiki tier is because of you lords keep him as your pet retard. Most of his post are him flirting with cigareting and talking about peoples moms and simping out.
He's the kinda guy that if he ever had a girl friend he'd let you bang her just as long as he could sleep between you and his his ho he hired after you're finished.
what does cigaretting even mean? you smoke cigs? what does technologist mean? you know about technology? its soo ruck
Grylls has a cute long distance thai girlfriend who hes going to share with me not that ive ever known what that meansThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-06-06 at 12:16 PM UTC in What are you doing at the momentIt wouldve been a minor miracle if i made 60. Everythings already going to shit so that prospect is scary as fuck.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-06 at 6:12 AM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-05 at 9:51 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get off that bus editionThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-05 at 6:58 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!But if you DOOOoooo have a tolerance, fentanyl is a cost effective and unproductive way to spend your week.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-05 at 8:37 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!+2
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2020-06-05 at 8:36 AM UTC in "We have images of buildings that have been burnt on fire with specific triangles cut out."Oh wait. 1 unarmed black man killed since 2015. Jamar Clark.
9 total black people killed.
What the fuck are they even referring to? Does 1 unarmed black victim in 5 years qualify as genocide?
Am i missing something? Like wtf . Were not even in the same reality.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-06-04 at 9:33 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Yeah thats the fucking worst. Hope makes everything hit harder. I think its why i maintain a fatalistic view of life. If i assume im already fucked, im not as disappointed when things dont go the way i want.
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2020-06-04 at 9:45 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Waiting to get released or go to court when youre dopesick and someone is lagging on your paperwork is fucking awful. Ive had them tell me they couldnt bring me to court if i couldnt stop throwing up lol.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-05 at 5:28 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Headspin Top this one:
http://imgur.com/gallery/L7U9IqH
lol was that you?
SPACE GHOSTS NIGGAAAAA -
2020-06-05 at 5:31 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-05 at 5:45 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!loooool. The nigga shouldve just sold you the oil burner.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-06-02 at 11:41 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get off that bus edition
Originally posted by WE SMOOTH this was 9 weeks ago and i was in the ATL sanitizing after touching every single surface now im touching shit with no abandon and going straight to my face with it and more worried about a race war/dictatorship scenario than fake ass covid.
i never would have guessed in a million years.
samesies. idgaf anymore. Everything is fucking exhausting. Seems like everyone is just slipping riht into the roles theyre supposed to play. Protestors smashing shit. Saying fuck whote people. White people saying fuck niggers. Cops beating the shit out of peaceful people.
Its a trip. People keep asking how im handling everything n im just like “im gravy. I was a heroin addict for 13 years. I take to chaos like a fish to water”.
If it was a couple years ago id be out there getting paid.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-06-04 at 9:08 AM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)Oh um: update
Everything is the same. Everything is fucked up and burning. It kinda doesnt bother me. Chaos is comfortable.
Dont think about killing myself as much as i did, but a couple times a day at least prolly.
Back still pretty fucked. I think thats the root of my depression now. It seems like the testosteroni helped me a lot mentally, but now with the pain and lack of sleep its just a new dimension of fucked.
I dont even know anymore. I got on TC and drank most of a bottle last weekend. Couldnt find mixers for the vodka so just started taking shots of tequila. Got so drunk i couldnt stand up. Puked 5 or 6 times until the stomach acid made my teeth so sensitive i could barely eat for 2 days. Was nice spending a couple of hours not thinking about how fucked up my body was and all the thingsi havent done, but it wasnt particularly pleasant.
I dont see alcohol becoming a regular thing. Unless you wash it down with some pills, or have people to hang out with, its just kind of fucked up and lonely.
Sponsor called a couple times. I didnt answer. I just dont have anything to say. All i have is anger, and I want to tear into everyone and make them feel as bad as i do, even though i know deep down they dont deserve it. Maybe ill go back to NA when ive stabilized a bit, but trying to discuss and do step work feels like trying to get a woman in labor t9 write a short story. My insides are getting ripped out and all i can concentrate on is pain, and heat and sweat and my grinding fucking teeth. Im not a high speed low drag motherfucker. I cant find Strength Through Pain. Pain is just blurry and disorienting and fluid. I camt get my hands around it or push it into a little pile.
Idk.
Shit sucks. -
2020-05-12 at 12:47 PM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
Originally posted by Sudo CASPER You can say your brain doesn't work but I see it working. I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE A PALE SHADE OF MYSELF FOR A FUCKING DECADE. I've literally been making threads about that since zoklet and have only been getting worse. I can tell your brain still fires. Methadone will turn the toughest brain to mush and I can tell you still have an edge to it. I've been doing opiates and many other substances (being briefly addicted to all major drugs and drug groups besides meth although have cocaine and methylphenidate as substitutes) for 17 years (over half my life) and come from a long line of depressed alcoholics. Although my brain is mush and I'm horribly addicted to pills, I'm somehow making more money legally than I have in a long time (or really…ever) and do not feel I am at a risk for returning to prison. Beyond however your brain feels YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER THE WORLD AND THE WORLD HAS A LOT TO OFFER YOU IF YOU OPEN YOURSELF TO IT
Bro, I can't pretend to know your situation fully, or even 2% of it, but I do know as an objective observer that your fucking life has meaning and not only to you. You might feel meaningless and worthless but I assure you you are not. You have a story (lots actually) to tell and there will be a resolution and a denouement and a hero and an afterward and maybe a fucking sequel or two. You have a lot to give and offer. The first part sucked but you have to learn some lessons along the way in order to create something lasting. You're just beginning to live man, even if it doesn't feel like it and instead feels like you're sleepwalking yourself to death. It's going to get better if you let it.
I think you need intimacy too. You've got an awesome soul that needs a companion.I think if you find this, or at least a moment or two where you feel a combination that makes sense and you feel less alone, you will feel like you belong a lot more. You deserve a lot man, God knows you do and you're going to get it when the time is right. Fucking watch it happen
Ugh refreshed the page and deleted my shit.
Anyway. Ngl that made me tear up a bit broski.
Idk im sure things would get better i just dk how much better. Id say dont feel like myself but i dont even know what “myself” is. Cutting my own hair this week, i realized its the first time in 31 years ive chosen my own haircut. I just kept getting the same thing i started getting when i was 4 bc it was he default and i didnt have to worry about something being wrong, or making a wrong decision. Same fucking haircut for 27 years. Thats pretty much my life in a nutshell. I just dont feel right. Yeah theres something in there but its all globbed together and disconnected and insulated. Nothing feels automatic or effortless or coherent anymore, and its exhausting just doing simple shit. Like i put off rewriting this post for like 8 hours because typing things seemed like toomuch work. lol.
Im sure some of it is the drugs, but ive been on less than 6mg methadone for a couple months now, and less than 10 for like 4 months. I thought certain th8ngs would start getting better but It feels like im just getting worse. Maybe withdrawal. Idk. Its not even a specific thing its the totality of everything. The physical stuff. The pain. The relationships i fucked up and people i alienated. The selfish, fucked up, cringey shit i did. Being so spineless (omg that symbolsim) for so long. Still not having any direction whatsoever. Not being able to take pride in anything. Giving up doing the one thing i was ever really good at, bc its incompatible with who id want to be. Just feeling broke down and fucked up and angry and old and hardly a man. I remember feeling despondent on drugs, but i dont remember feeling quite this shitty. This is like 3D Depression lol. It just permeates every second im awake, and i want to wrap my hands around its fucking throat but all it is, is me. And me is tired. And me is just running on fumes, and knows problems dont fix themselves. And fixing problems takes vision and spiritual energy and hope, all of which hes sorely lacking right now.
I think theres always a possibility things will get better, but theres every possibility things stay the sameor god forbid get worse. I just straight up cant do this another 5 years. Full stop. Im okay sometimes but im not enjoying anything. i keep wondering at what point is it okay to make that decision. Like obviously theres a point. Most people understand a terminally ill patient opting out? What about being terminally fucked up?
Definitely need intimacy. I was just thinking the other day, i miss just cruising with someone. Driving out somewhere in the middle of the night to get some super unhealthy food. Everyone i knew from drugs i pretty much stopped talking to. I stopped talking to people like 9 months before I quit so I think its been like 2 or 3 years since i really hung out with anyone. Im too exhausted to really be lonely anymore though. Its more like remembering a snippet of a melody to a song and thinking “I wish i remembered what that was from”.
idk.
Thanks. -
2020-05-12 at 11:39 AM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
Originally posted by Stopffs I wish I could give you a big momma bear hug and go for a really long walk, which wouldn’t seem long at all while we came up with realistic goals and an action plan to get you moving forward in the direction that’s best for you. I think you are worth it. I also believe I could help you help yourself and in turn It would help me too.
You are a gem! You just gotta get in the hands of people who know your true worth. I mean that literally.
Yeah i def could use some direction. Treading water feels like the best i can do now. The physical part is getting to me too though. A 5 min walk gets painful enough to stop me in my tracks. Its just constant, and it certainly seems like its here to stay, and that scares the shit out of me. Its a lot easier to think of all the things i wont be able to do, rather than envision anything i will.
anyway....*hug*The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-06-03 at 4:01 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I prefer to think of myself as a Gary Oldman or Daniel Day Lewis of THE GRAND STAGE that is LIFE
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
