When you join a mosque and they grope your penis in the traditional greeting, theyre going to be in for a bit of a surprise.
This was pretty much status quo. Halloween was my favorite. Id do a horror movie/ simpsons tree house of horror marathon while constantly smoking heroin n sipping gin n tonics, and whenever the doorbell rang id just put all my paraphernalia in the Tv stand.
2019-10-15 at 5:28 PM UTC
in
Cooking With Fona!
"Made a fuckin Paella took pics"
"Told the rice to get on the fuckin floor and they pissed themselves"
"The shrimps gave me lip so i bad to pull the strap, make em drop undies n touch their toes"
etc
2019-10-15 at 5:25 PM UTC
in
How many scars do you have?
not too many. Right index, right middle knuckle, right knee, bottom lip, left eyebrow, chin.
And then of course all the whiteheads i dug out of my shoulders and back when i was high.
2019-10-15 at 5:23 PM UTC
in
Cooking With Fona!
Dude as soon as I get home imma plug in my phone and shame you all.
Im fat as fuck but i cook pretty legit stuff.
2019-10-15 at 5:36 AM UTC
in
Sseth just reviewed CK2
I love his videos. The one he did on space station 13 had me crying laughing. Walk into a room with a bunch of furries doing anal role play, and then flash bang them, set an explosive and seal the door, have them sucked out into space. Inject the doctor with LSD.
Shit looks amazing but alas I don't have that level of autism.
2019-10-15 at 5:32 AM UTC
in
Cooking With Fona!
I thought I had a horrible diet.
I feel better now.
Malice has merged with my body.
Yeah I was trying to make this a serious thread. I was hoping at least a person or two would do the workbook stuff. I was surprised how much i got out of that.
I guess Ill try to get it back on track.
Havent used heroin or anything since November 30th last year. Down to 42mg methadone. Even forgot to take it for the last 2 days. lol.
Blood pressure is down to just "not great" numbers. Im down to 341 lbs from 385 in march- according to my bluetooth digital scale. The Zoloft seems to be helping a bit, but im at the lowest dose. Still dont feel fantastic, but i feel a lot less awful if that makes sense. Havent sold antiques in 2 or 3 months, and let all my connects dry up since i didnt have the willpower to delete them outright.
Ive been talking to a bunch of people every day and walking with my neighbor, dragging him to meetings. Just getting out and doing stuff. Getting a lot more hopeful. Way more grateful, present. I think I mentioned before the homeless guy I chased down. I also went out in the backyard the other day to rub the cats belly while she flops from side to side on the driveway (the only things she gets excited about are food and Flops), and then I saw this little strawberry plant id potted a couple years back. There was just this one tiny wild strawberry, shiny like a juul (fuckin lanny)...perfectly formed. Smelled great. And I could feel the sunshine, and take a big breath of air. Its so fucking easy to get mired in feeling like dogshit. But each day can have a little zen moment like that, if you retrain your mind.
We're all actually so fucking lucky. Most here are of at least average intelligence -= despite evidence to the contrary. You can breathe and walk and eat. You're likely not a grotesque monster. You have clean drinking water and a place to stay.
It feels like the end of an acid trip kind of. I realize how everything ive done for so long, isnt in line with my values at all. I thought to make connections with people, to be more of a man, I needed to be scary and violent and do risky fucked up shit. I thought i couldnt handle life so I crammed food in my face and took all the drugs i could afford.
But im actually a really good dude. Any time in my life when its come down to it, in extreme moments, Ive done the right things. Its the more subtle grey areas of morality that i really lost myself. But ive kind of come to believe that i can have a different life. I cant quite see it yet, but i feel it. I can be in shape, and feel good about myself. I dont need drugs to get through life. God knows they didnt do anything to make me feel better at the end. I can use all this bullshit to be a better person. Kind of like a near death experience...it just changes your perspective on everything. When you begin to see all the treads connect, and understand that all the different manifestations of dysfunction all stem from a lack of balance, fear, unhappiness, inability to confront life head on.....it reframes the way you do everything. Everything is a choice.
Who "you" are is just a collection of stories you tell about yourself, loosely related to experiences youve had. Being beaten by your father doesnt make you a broken alcoholic. Losing a significant other to cancer doesnt mean youre afraid of intimacy. Going to prison doesnt mean youll always be an outsider. Having a leg amputated doesnt mean you need to lower the bar for yourself. Getting dumped doesnt mean youre unlovable. Its all just fucking stories. Of course actualizing so your life falls in line with your values is a bit more work, but you can stop repeating those mantras to yourself at any time. Its pretty fuckin cool.
Anyway...I feel better. Coming up on a year off dope. Then ill be off methadone by probably end of February. Hopefully ill be below 300 by that time too, if not sooner.
Thing is, its so easy to get hung up and obsessed over timetables and stuff. But things mean so much more when you have to work and struggle for them. Nobody gives a fuck when someone just gets what they want for no reason. Theres a reason that NCOs whove had to grind for their promotions...are more respected than other officers. Theres a reason that people applaud and cry when an 80 year old finally gets their diploma. People love underdogs. People love to be reminded of how to be strong and not give up.
Being unhappy and not working to change is just slow death. Simple. If you died in 50 years exactly the same as you are now....would you be happy with that? I probably wouldnt. If you have the ability and even an inkling that you want a better life for yourself, but you arent taking any steps to actualize it, its cowardice pure and simple.
I jut naturally assumed he got jail time for selling heroin cut. That'd be hilarious
I just want to say that narc enjoys elaborate trolls and no one so deep in illegal shit would ever admit to anything within the statute of limitations.
Nice try u limey fuck
I need to get on the darkwebz and get some. I know a dude out here, but i see him so rarely i think hes kinda sketched about me.
Fucking nigger zoloft givin me the bubble guts and waking me up at like 3am every night
2019-10-14 at 1:43 PM UTC
in
My nephew's big scheme,
Most people know hemp bud is a thing now. It looks, feels, and smokes different too. I dont smoke THC anymore so i have a bunch of hemp bud. Its distinguishable.
I still have Mother Gecko shit all musty laying around in a box somewhere. I wonder if vintage 2004 chakruna with a hint of my high school cologne carries some different vibez?
I ate 14 scraped hbwr seeds then waited an hour, felt nothing, made a tuna sandwich, waited another hour, then went to sleep.
Woke up for school the next day tripping tits, immediately vomited up the tuna, and then proceeded throughout my day laughing uncontrollably, giving hugs, and alternating between vomiting tuna and gurgle guts diarrhea.
good times.
E: Oh...and then tried to "even out" after US History with a few bumps of coke from a friends bullet. Bad call.
