Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace
They really think cbd is 'drugs'? Thats insane.
Where's your balance, Casper?
They think anything with thc in it is drugs. And neurontin is also a no no. Basically anything ever used to get high is a no-no. the somas i took last week for instance.
Thing is i dont even want that life anymore. sobriety is appealing to me. But that all or nothing approach is just BS. My shit is as fucked up as it is bc i went to extremes. Forsaking all everything bc a glorified church group said its bad makes no sense. No one can explain to me how chain smoking cigarettes and triple brewed coffee arent “mood altering substances” and full spectrum CBD or something is. Its not a coherent ideology.
So my sponsor called tonight. I told him a lot of things but the gist of it was i said i feel like shit and im thinking about ctb constantly and whether life is worth living if i feel like this all the time and my back is fucking breaking and im never comfortable and i dont want to talk and i dont want to do fucking Zoom meetings and im tired of being a downer so i just want tobe left alone for a while. I said I hate every decision ive made and I resent the program for making me feel so shitty and conflicted about taking neurontin and smoking weed for excruciating pain. I said it feels like church again when every answer is just “pray about it”, “practice gratitude”, etc. Its like my mom and this fucking cat: theres a very simple thing that can make somehign hard easier. The cost of doing this thing is nil. But nah...we’re just gonna close our eyes as tight as possible and just SUFFER and HAVE FAITH that things will get better. Thats dog shit and I fucking resent it. If I smoke weed 2 or 3 times a week b. im on the verge of crying i shouldnt have to feel like some polish pedophile who tried to jack off on a child at Sea World about it.
He said “Im always here if you ever want to talk- day or night- but this is where im going to have to suggest you get a sponsor locally.” Which i said yeah to, but im not gonna do that either. Im too angry right now. I just want to rip everyones head off. I want to put my head through a fucking wall. I dont want to talk about my shitty life or what half baked runner up prize “plan” God had for me and my life. The facts are: I made bad choices bc i was cowardly and afraid. Im now reaping the consequences of those choices. Many of those consequences are going to last until the day I die. Thats depressing. Will something good come out of this? Yeah maybe. Anything is possible when the universe is chaos. But i just do not give a fuck anymore. I do not have the will, the energy, the wherewithal -whatever- for lip service and platitudes and kicking the fucking can down the road with more God talk. I just dont. if i think i can “get away” with doing something that helps, and not spiral myself back into major addiction, im just going to do it and im tired feeling guilty about it.
This was def in heavy heroin rotation but mostly ketamine/mushrooms/dmt/L
younger brother gives me some legit flashbacks. I remember melting back into the bed and my eyes rolling back and then justan explosion of stars. Hurtling through the night sky and i could taste the cold earth and trees on the air. Wild shit.
Originally posted by Technologist
I had a telemedicine appt myself last week, it was pretty neat. They texted me, I clicked on the link, and my orthopedist was there. Pretty cool.
Yeah I found a bunch of human telemedicine but very few vets and no answer as to whether they can write scripts not in person.
Whatever. If she wants a bloated cat corpse in her bedroom I shouldn't care. Tired of fighting abt stupid shit. I feel like blowing my brains out myself.
Originally posted by Technologist
If you have any kind of relationship with your vet, I’d see if they’d do a phone visit. My vet is old school, and he still helped me out over the phone, but I’ve known him about 30 years.
i dont. only been there once when the lil girl cat gracie had a mouth abscess. cost like 300 to get her sorted. was gonna be another 260 for tooth descaling which she really needs. ill try tho. if a dic wont write an antibiotic script for someone that cant afford a $80 vet visit theyre kind if assholes.
Originally posted by DontTellEm
Apply no tears..Clean her eyes w a wet WARM cloth, after the no tears. Then do another drop.
Yeah ill do that tomorrow. Hopefully the vet is open anyway. I was trying to find some amoxycillin online bc i dont want to have to pay another $89 for a vet consultation just for them to prescribe $15 of antibiotics that cost them $8. Seems like vets should be able to do facetime consultations and write scripts.
Originally posted by WellHung
poor little sweetie. Please get her fixed up and take care of her, Casper. I find it hard to believe that the cat hates you.
Its just a wild cat. The only person who hell let get close to him is my mom.
Originally posted by aldra
how long after the fact?
when I lived in a third-floor apartment my cat fell out a window once, and after making sure he didn't break anything he ducked behind the couch and wanted to be left alone for a few hours, shaking and freaking out the whole time.
it could just be nerves.
Its been like 3 or 4 days now, its got bite marks on the back of its head, so i think whatever bacteria it is went systemic. Behavior wise, this is a feral cat who bolts every time i enter a room, but now i canwalk right up to it until i touch it and it starts looking around wildly like it cant see me.
I think thats just saline. It for sure does need to have its eyes lightly irrigated but its whole face is swollen and cant close its mouth. Its something systemic and it needs antibiotics. Idk why im even stressing about HER dumb cat, but i just know if the thing dies shes going to be crying and shit.
Yeah. It looks 100x worse in the video i took bc its so confused n shaking. im just gonna take the thing if she leaves the house tomorrow. Its everything i hate about religion. Ignore shit until its bad, pray about it when youre desperate and then get sad and confused when the worst happens thats easily preventable.
Like how i think anyone gathering in church and protest groups right now should be barred from admission to intensive care.
Like dude at least clean the pus off its face. But if she saw me wiping the cat off, shed get furious because, “my negative thinking is whats keeping it sick”. Like how she thougt watching scary movies as a kid was going to “manifest” as illness and disease. Like crazy people shit.
Originally posted by Bill Krozby
Yeah if you come here we should go. I saw the meat puppets and slayer at the Moody theater. Its a really nice theater.
Im down. Was supposed to be going to see my grandma in houston next month but i doubt well go now
