Fun fact; I thought all living humans had a personal connection with God and would talk to him in their sleep, while they're falling asleep (When most people pray), and like had direct 2way conversations with a divine spirit in the sky that spoke to them in their head.
I was about 16 when it was made clear to me in AP Psych that most people have not heard the voice of god, have not had dreams about God, have not sat there and asked Him questions and been asked questions and really chummed it up with him like he was a wise old friend that wanted to hang out. Like it was explained to me by a couple of the kids who had transferred into high school from the private grade school that they had never spoken with God and I remember being so bewildered that they continue going to mass and doing wednesday services and thehn bible studies and praying every night and before they ate to someone who wouldn't even like talk to them once.
I thought all people except maybe athiests had direct relationships with God/the gods and then I found out like most people don't and I felt really like out of place trying to explain to these people my perspective.
Then when my friends started dying left and right some of them also began to talk to me and at times bother me.
And I've thought about opening up to like a mental health professional about this but I'm apprehensive since I've always talked to God in my sleep/when falling asleep that's an important part of my life.
What's difficult is my dead friends bothering me at night.
It's not psychosis or like Paul Woznophrenia because it's never happened during the day and the majority of the time it happens when I am sleeping, with it happening sometimes when I am falling asleep.
But it does bother me and sometimes makes me sad. Sometimes happy. I don't want to go on seroquel or trazadone or ambien or anything and I don't see what they're gonna do/diagnose me with but it is something I find troubling but have to accept to be me.
I think about my friends who died and the fact I didn't. I feel like I squandered the life I was blessed to not have taken away from me young. I sometimes feel like they watch and talk to me at night. Like when I'm falling asleep or when I dream sometimes they bother me. Sometimes it's positive but often times it's not. I often feel like they're jealous or unhappy that I didn't die with them.
This carries forward to my day as I contemplated this. I don't believe it's my mind just talking to itself, the same way I don't believe when I talk to God that he's just a figment of my imagingaytion.
I miss them but I am happy that like if a set number of us had to die that it was them and that I was merely wounded/permanently damaged but I dind't have to join them.
Can you relate to this?
2024-11-17 at 8:24 PM UTC
in
Paul Vs. Tyson Fight TONIGHT!
I can confirm most American men under the age of 40 have had homosexual sex before.
I thought we were friends...
I don't have a long list of the people I wouldn't want to meet from this community.
How about you?
2024-11-17 at 7:43 PM UTC
in
My crispy day today
You really think people are going to order the McMolest?
2024-11-17 at 7:41 PM UTC
in
My mate had a green shit
Happens a lot. They got these pureed smoothies that come in a bottle and I like to get the one that's like GREEN POWER PUNCH and if I haven't eaten anything
I used to do speed and not eat for a day or 2
I'd drink 2 of them and have green shit
Thinking about exercising my friends wife.
2024-11-17 at 4:37 PM UTC
in
How my crispy day may go
i started it, I have to do some errands for 3 hours but I'll do it tonight.
Then tomorrow the only thing I have to do is watch 3 videos of this weird cult leader talking about leadership and write a response paper, that shit don't take much time what really takes time is watching 1hr+ of videos so that I can write for 15 minutes and submit it.
I love going to school withthe majority of the student body speaking english as a second language. I don't even really need to proofread papers because the bar of expectations when it comes to grammar is extremely low.
Like in Wisconsin high school they would get on us for commas and hyphens being used correctly, here they just assume since I am a native speaker however I used the hyphens works--good enough.
You're like a wanker that can't get hard
2024-11-17 at 4:26 PM UTC
in
The 2 Millionth Post Is Here!
I'm happy my religion got the highlight post. I think this really worked out great.
Spectral, do you still wank
She's definitely more manly than Fonaplats but she's still attractive in a way, she's not fat but she kinda looks like a tall version of the midget mom from LIttle People Big World I have agreed to engage in sexual relations. Not really out of attraction to her but because I think it will make Fona and I closer as friends.
2024-11-17 at 4:11 PM UTC
in
How my crispy day may go
Really unmotivated to write a paper about... motivation :(
