[FONT=arial]Most of you know me pretty well and about my love of 211s so I will just gloss over it quickly before I start.
I am a 24 year old alcoholic, drug addict, and criminal. My addiction mostly stems from drinking alcohol, though I do like synthetic marijuana a lot. I've never had a problem using other drugs besides from the synthetic weed which I compulsively smoke until I run out and then just go without. The alcohol I wouldn't let myself go without.
For six and a half months I didn't drink from about December of 2014 till July 3rd 2015. I came back in full force and truthfully hadn't been sober because of the large amounts of k2, prescription amphetamines I was using.
My fiance I was with for what would have been six years ten days from now hated my drinking at the end of 2014 and my drug use while i wasn't drinking. Effectively I had traded one addiction for another.
Between July and August I went back full force and was drinking 2 to 3 four packs of Steel Reserve 211 a day on top of vodka (when I went out).
For those of you live in third world countries that don't sell steel reserve it is a malt liquor (the can says "Fine Malt Liquor" but I'm not convinced). It is the cheapest alcohol one can consistently drink and it's not hard liquor so my alcoholic mom (who I lived with since I went back to drinking in July) and my ex fiance preferred to me drinking hard liquor. It is sold for $2.55 for a 4 pack of 20ounce cans and packs a punch at 8.1% Alcohol Content. I also stopped drinking vodka daily in part to a seizure I had in the spring of 2014 when I ran out of vodka and had been consuming 1.25 liters a day + a 4 pack of the Steel Reserve.
I suffered from physical and mental symptoms the last time (at the end of September) manifesting itself in the following ways:
-Shakes/Tremors of the hands (majorly) and the head (minor) in the morning.
-Inability to Eat unless having consumed two cans of steel reserve already (hence why i did my cooking show Cooking with ZyclonB and BradleyB[/FONT]
[FONT=AppleSDGothicNeo-Regular][FONT=arial]© so drunk)
-Inability to Sleep (though this never was a problem because every day I sourced the alcohol)
-Being a malt liquor drinking nigger.
-Not understanding that my ex was pretty much leaving me for good.
-Not taking care of my arthritis, made worse by compounds found in the malt liquor.
-Pain in the kidneys/liver.
-Suicidal thoughts/Depression.
-Constant obsessive need to drink one more, not wanting to drink in the morning but needing to get well.
-Sweats in the early morning when i'd wake up.
Well then the police called me out of the blue and wanted to talk about some vandalism. My buddy had told me I whipped a steel reserve can through this kid's house (dude was a total faggot I picked on at the bar a lot), since it was a tall boy and a full can, it obviously shattered his window. I then may or may not have run up and pissed in the window, my buddy said I did but I don't think I'd do that considering the noise that'd it make.
Anyway, it was a block down the street from the bank that I used to go to until they closed their lobby. Not realizing their drive up ATM had cameras pointed at the road I was caught on security camera footage. Still don't know how the cops just *knew* it was me, but it's a small suburb of Milwaukee and like I said I've been causing crime here for awhile (my whole life).
So when I went to the police station to deny the allegations, they showed me some stills from the footage. I refused to accept what I did and the stills showed a 5'8-6'2, white male with a small beard, of average build, the note at the bottom said "runs with physical impairment" which is my arthritis.
I told them that's a bunch of horse shit, lots of drunks walk around with an intoxication-induced physical impairment, 5'8 to 6'2 white male of average build? That's not compelling evidence at all plus my mom would verify that I was at home at the time this happened. I deny the charges and will fight these in court to prove my innocence, I told them.
Then they said the unthinkable, "We want to offer you sobriety, the state will not make you pay for the window nor charge you with Criminal Vandalism if you agree to 60 days confinement in the county jail and comply with all forms of treatment."
Not wanting to be on probation, pay tickets, pay for that dumb fuckers window or have new charges I thought this was a good deal. But I am not new at this game they play.
"Have the DA sign a piece of paper saying no charges will be issued for this and I will enter in a no contest agreement to your proposal."
They told me I had to agree to it on the spot and admit what I did. I told them no and was arrested.
Before I had a hearing for bail they had the jail staff give me a paper agreement called a Differed Prosecution Agreement
([/FONT][/FONT][FONT=arial]
[SIZE=14px]A [/SIZE]deferred prosecution agreement[SIZE=14px] (DPA)[/SIZE][SIZE=14px] is a voluntary alternative to [/SIZE]adjudication[SIZE=14px] in which a [/SIZE]prosecutor [SIZE=14px]agrees to grant [/SIZE]amnesty[SIZE=14px] in exchange for the [/SIZE]defendant[SIZE=14px] agreeing to fulfill certain requirements. [/SIZE][SIZE=14px] Fulfillment of the specified requirements will then result in dismissal of the charges[/SIZE]) - Wikipedia[/FONT]
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[FONT=arial]outlining the terms they had agreed with me on at the police department. Of course I signed this. The alcohol classes were supposed to start in a week, so i sat in jail, then they canceled[/FONT][/FONT]
my classes. It's at this point I got over withdrawal and decided to actually try to live sober. I checked with the court staff and they said as long as I sat the time and was willing to do what they told me during it, i'd still be complying with the DPA. Even if they didn't have me do classes.So from 9-1 to 11-1 (which is actually 62 days but who's counting?) I sat in a maximum security tier in Milwaukee County House of Corrections and did AA classes. They offered me something called Vivitrol. A once monthly injection that blocks opiate/alcohol receptors in the brain and makes you unable to feel the drink/heroin NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DO. Effectively if I start drinking, I'll drink drink drink and nothing will happen, then out of no where I black out and pass out and the hang over lasts three or four days. The injection was given to me on the 29th of October at the cost of 800$ which the State paid for as a trial run to test it on alcoholics (they normally do it for heroin users), I'm one of the first two dozen people shot up in Milwaukee County with it for alcoholic recovery.I'm also doing an outpatient twice a week, three hours a session class. I am eager to work the AA 12 steps and go through everything with a sponsor, I've never had a sponsor or gotten past Step 3 so this is huge for me. I've never really wanted this before.The out patient place is free but will help me get on BadgerCare (WI state healthcare) which will cover the next shot in 25 days and also help me get my Rheumatoid Arthritis treated which I haven't ever tried to take care of in the last 8 years since I started having it. I'm going to pursue getting Social Security Disability as well. I think I get a FoodStamps/Quest Card right away too.
Since sobriety is boring, I've also started working on a fictional book. Just to kill the time with, I don't think it's that good but I'm very critical of myself and it's about 70 pages deep right now. I like to right to digress my mind before I go to sleep.
I haven't called my sponsor yet but plan to in about a half hour and start going to daily AA meetings. Probably should go to one today, yesterday my best friend came over drunk as fuck after the bar Halloween party closed. I didn't drink but I did start smoking cigarettes again, but if that's the worst part of my issue I'm happy with it.
My fiance the little Mexican lady I love so much talked on the phone and she wants nothing to do with me, doesn't want to text, talk to me, or anything. I don't know if this will change but I think she really hates me. I deserve that after everything I put her through and told her that. That was pretty big for me because normally I try to pursue one last chance.
I don't want to engage in sex with men or really with anyone anymore. At least until I figure out myself and what I need to do for my mind. I need to build up my relationship with Odin again who I neglect when I'm using and drinking a lot.
I miss who I used to be and don't wanna be the Ol' Drunk Ass 211 Drinkin' Bearded Faggot BradleyB anymore. I'd rather just be 'That nice guy who helps me learn/love/life.' I don't know who would ever say that about me or when it'll happen but I have faith.
I owe the Hospital like 2.2k, I owe UW-Whitewater college like 1.3k, and I owe the IRS 3k (even tho it started as 800 like two years ago). I need to handle my affairs and get my life in order. I have like 800$ left to my name.
I'm really scared about living with my Mom who is, right now at 3pm in the afternoon on a Sunday, already slurring her words a little and bitching at me that Netflix isn't working on her Chromebook with the HDMI cord to the TV which I have explained to her about a thousand times how to get going. Right now I'm thinking she just put the TV on the wrong input setting, but she's bitching so I'll have to cut this short.
So shit on me, tell me about how you're proud of my recovery, or just talk about me in general if you want. That's where I've been and this is wearing I'm going to go. I'll be here as always because I love this community so I've decided to open up about what's going on with me.
I'mma go set up my Mom's netflix, grab my smokes, and go outside and make my first introductory call to my AA Sponsor.
Thank you for reading my recovery thread, I will post details later. As I was incarcerated and not able to source alcohol or drugs I am not counting that time as sober time.
I'm very nervous about all of this, but I know it's what I need to do for myself.Before anyone asks, I'm still not giving up the criminality lifestyle. Just the using and drinking. I love the Business as a whole more than I love myself as a person.
No BradleyB thread is complete without a picture of myself taken today, just after writing all this:
I
am considering 11/1/2015 to my first day of recovery.
