Crycry bcus I got to level 4 German but never bothered to do the reading lessons so I can't write in it. Nd idk bcus I really am gonna block all memory of Sophie. Maybe in five years I'll come back and read his posts to learn things, but for now he's going to the void.
Every time I look on FB it's my fucking ex's story with the dog she abuses. I unfollowed her why am I still seeing that suffering dog every time. She fucking throws dogs out windows.
Idk if I've been in this place too long. I mean I'm not valued here and a year is long enough. I don't want to leave but ik I'm not growing here. I don't think I've ever felt like me. I'll stay because there's a trainwreck inside me but I needa find a new bestie/normality fast. It creeps me out sometimes how far from normal it is here, there's people I get along with better than in this place and I can still hear their voices in my head.
Just thinking about how I left Mik. It was me who ended it and we were good together for four years. But I do this with every bestie I've had. I'm not sure why. Rn I feel it's good to be away from him so we can both evolve, to meet new people and grow, our conversation history was becoming an echo chamber with no outside interference. I need to grow. But I also need people from my past in my life to remind me of who I am. I just feel so sorry because I hurt everyone. He wasn't ready for it to end. So even though I'm completely isolated with no friends I still think it's good to be away from him, he needs a chance to grow as well.
2022-06-08 at 3:18 AM UTC
in
Limited time. Limited life.
Bucket list:
Become a prison inmates penpal
Coke on top of Mount Everest with rave music playing
Pet a polar bear
Jump from the Eiffel Tower
Create a human clone of myself
Visit the Dagara tribe
Throw fake money over a balcony in a shopping mall
Make out with someone in an elevator
What do you reach for first in the morning? Nicotine withdrawal causes anxiety which makes you want to smoke more to get rid of it.
2022-06-07 at 9:55 PM UTC
in
I miss Kafka
I hope she's still throwing up that hangover
Uni library, girl brushed my hair behind my ear and asked for my name. I couldn't explain so she ran off. Outside was dark and there was a burnt out bike, youths loitering, a fire. A black girl asked me to come to her house. I thought she was just into goths and wanted sex but at the door she gave me the key and ran off, so I chased her to a crackhead corner. She seemed unhinged and said she'd murdered her husband and was never coming back, that the house was mine. I went back to it. The keychain had a single pearl and it all felt real, nothing from the house was missing. My reflection in the polished wooden floor was the real me, tried to take a photo of the gun, plastic bags with her husband's clothes, the bathtub still had bloodstains, I felt her husband's ghost was becoming more material and that he was a bad person, so I wanted to get out of there but I also wanted to explore. Brown wooden furniture, walls painted in shades of pink and cream, another bag with her false nails and hair extensions, a bedroom with too many teddybears.
