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Realizing how fucked up my life has been.

  1. #1
    Bradley Space Nigga
    Son of the landlord, no one wanted me, prevalent alcoholism and neglect, molested, made to live with my abuser, hungry, poor, hand me down clothing, thinking some shoes every year was a luxury, out growing what I had within months, lonely, a lot of lonliness, violent beatings through out, best friend was a television, smart but couldn't fix my own situation, gang violence a lot of, broken relationships and literally being the smartest fuck up anyone knows, going to college just to get sent to prison, alcoholism, a bi polar mother as my only family, homeless, drugs more vileness, more robberies, all my friends dead

    Fucking sucks man
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  2. #2
    Kafka Yung Blood
    https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/emotional-intelligence/let-go
  3. #3
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    This whole life thing will be over before we know it anyway. Of course a lot of those experiences suck but what can you do about it now right ? What a stupid thing for me to say lol.

    At least you're still alive and kicking. Didn't turn your bad experiences into killing and raping other people (I guess, I don't know for sure). Do you beat up your partners? Hopefully not that's pretty lame save for those rare exceptions but I've personally never had a girl who I needed to STRIKE.

    You're just 30 right? You'll be aight.
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  4. #4
    Solstice Space Nigga
    Try not to think about it

    That's what i do and it doesn't really work but yeah
  5. #5
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    Originally posted by Solstice Try not to think about it

    That's what i do and it doesn't really work but yeah

    Best advice ever.
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  6. #6
    Aleister Crowley Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by Bradley Son of the landlord, no one wanted me, prevalent alcoholism and neglect, molested, made to live with my abuser, hungry, poor, hand me down clothing, thinking some shoes every year was a luxury, out growing what I had within months, lonely, a lot of lonliness, violent beatings through out, best friend was a television, smart but couldn't fix my own situation, gang violence a lot of, broken relationships and literally being the smartest fuck up anyone knows, going to college just to get sent to prison, alcoholism, a bi polar mother as my only family, homeless, drugs more vileness, more robberies, all my friends dead

    Fucking sucks man

    Loser, what a waste.
  7. #7
    Bradley Space Nigga
    I got really drunk and posted this, but truth is, that's reality.

    also i turned 28 in July, im not 30.
  8. #8
    Originally posted by mmQ but I've personally never had a girl who I needed to STRIKE.

    What about mentally abuse/torture?
  9. #9
    Sudo Dark Matter [my hereto riemannian peach]
    It's never too late to make a fresh start and not be a prisoner of your past. You have alot to give and alot you are capable of. Not just saying that I genuinely believe it. If you can't make it I definitely can't so by killing yourself you're killing me
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  10. #10
    Originally posted by Sudo It's never too late to make a fresh start and not be a prisoner of your past. You have alot to give and alot you are capable of. Not just saying that I genuinely believe it. If you can't make it I definitely can't so by killing yourself you're killing me

    I've tried "new starts" multiple times but it always ends at the same destination...
  11. #11
    I always fail the grumpy exam...or pass it depending on your perspective.
  12. #12
    cigreting Naturally Camouflaged
    Stop being a pussy ass whiney bitch and do something about your life if its so shitty
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  13. #13
    General Butt.Naked African Astronaut
    Idk why this kind of shit makes me love you guys more. We’re all so fucked up. This is kind of the only community where im halfway normal.

    I wore the same shoes for years at a time. The soles wore out n when i could start feeling the pebbles under my feet, my mom would cut out traced pieces of cardboard to line the insides. N we couldnt afford lunchables but she didnt want me to feel left out so shed cut out meat n bread and cheese with moon n stars cookie cutters n put it in my lunchbox
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  14. #14
    General Butt.Naked African Astronaut
    I genuinely want to see you guys do well. Maybe im weird like that but i cant imagine wishing ill on anyone, esp anyone whos been through as much as we have. I think thats why Fubis death hit me so hard. Anytime id see him on FB, he looked so happy and was doing so well and had a kid on the way. Seeing him made me proud, and made me believe just a little bit that things could get better for people like us.
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  15. #15
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    Originally posted by General Butt.Naked Idk why this kind of shit makes me love you guys more. We’re all so fucked up. This is kind of the only community where im halfway normal.

    I wore the same shoes for years at a time. The soles wore out n when i could start feeling the pebbles under my feet, my mom would cut out traced pieces of cardboard to line the insides. N we couldnt afford lunchables but she didnt want me to feel left out so shed cut out meat n bread and cheese with moon n stars cookie cutters n put it in my lunchbox

    Were they Airwalks? I hope they were Airwalks.
  16. #16
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    Originally posted by General Butt.Naked I genuinely want to see you guys do well. Maybe im weird like that but i cant imagine wishing ill on anyone, esp anyone whos been through as much as we have. I think thats why Fubis death hit me so hard. Anytime id see him on FB, he looked so happy and was doing so well and had a kid on the way. Seeing him made me proud, and made me believe just a little bit that things could get better for people like us.

    I wonder if that's a subconscious thing for you or some of us- this notion that if we do get our shit together, that something horrible will happen anyway, so why bother setting ourselves up for disappointment or failure yet again?

    I guess that doesn't really make sense but I know what I mean. There's the folks who are all about planning for their future and and setting goals and making lists and looking ahead and there's the folks who live more day to day SEAT OF THE PANTS as if there's no tomorrow. Neither one is wrong I suppose but I'm sure there are some coal miners out there that worked 80 hour weeks for half their life then just died in a coal accident whatever that means and...that's it. They worked and did all this shit to set themselves up and then just dead.

    I wonder how many 20, 30, 40 year olds who died, if they could come back to life, would choose to just go back to how they were laboring away every day or if they'd have a different appreciation about the shortness of life and do more carpe diem shit.
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  17. #17
    General Butt.Naked African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ Were they Airwalks? I hope they were Airwalks.

    i think they were LA Gears and Adidas
  18. #18
    General Butt.Naked African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ I wonder if that's a subconscious thing for you or some of us- this notion that if we do get our shit together, that something horrible will happen anyway, so why bother setting ourselves up for disappointment or failure yet again?

    I guess that doesn't really make sense but I know what I mean. There's the folks who are all about planning for their future and and setting goals and making lists and looking ahead and there's the folks who live more day to day SEAT OF THE PANTS as if there's no tomorrow. Neither one is wrong I suppose but I'm sure there are some coal miners out there that worked 80 hour weeks for half their life then just died in a coal accident whatever that means and…that's it. They worked and did all this shit to set themselves up and then just dead.

    I wonder how many 20, 30, 40 year olds who died, if they could come back to life, would choose to just go back to how they were laboring away every day or if they'd have a different appreciation about the shortness of life and do more carpe diem shit.

    I think my brain is just broken and im so tired and cynical and in pain that most of the time i feel ive fucked up too many things to have the kind of life thatll leave me happy and fulfilled. Occasionally the mental illness abates and Im able to be hopeful and optimistic though. Not too often, but when it does happen, it feels like a drug. Then again for years the only thing icould hope for was that id be able to be off heroin for long enough so that when i killed myself my autopsy would show i died without drugs in my system. And on November 30th it was 3 years. So shit can change, but maybe just not as quickly or as big of changes as wed like. idk,
  19. #19
    Bradley Space Nigga
    wow casper this really made me feel some typaway about the cutting out bread and cheese with shapes.

    fuck i haven't really had someone make me feel that way in a couple of years
  20. #20
    General Butt.Naked African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Bradley wow casper this really made me feel some typaway about the cutting out bread and cheese with shapes.

    fuck i haven't really had someone make me feel that way in a couple of years

    Yeah i was definitely an accident but my mom is a good woman n she always tried to make sure i had what i needed. Im glad she and i are at least on better terms now.
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