User Controls
Should we embrace our grief?
-
2018-10-21 at 11:39 PM UTC
Originally posted by Zanick Moving on always has obstacles, being caught between grief and responsibility makes it much more difficult to cope adequately. I'm sorry you went through that. I think here especially we have the tendency to mask our problem emotions with substances, or at least I do. Have you addressed the problem since then?
The only way I could kick my addiction was by addressing my problems with my father’s death. He was my idol, I see him in me more and more every day.
I leaned on family, spoke with a priest, spoke to a psychologist, but what ultimately helped me was to talk to my Dad about how I felt. That was soothing and I know he was there. I give all the credit for beating that addiction to my Dad, I was too weak to do it alone. -
2018-10-21 at 11:41 PM UTCI have lost a good number of people I know to suicide, drug overdose, cancer.
I always hated Malice and I told him his existence was worthless and that all his posts were garbage. I bet he never smoked a real fat bowl of meth in his life.
What a retard, wasting good dopamine receptors like that.
Hydro is cool, she is someone I would like to see alive but she has her owns problems and never posts so I can't really force myself to care.
You people did nothing but encourage them to live destructive lives and now you think having a pity party will satisfy your needs for moral self licensing.
I will always remember arguing vehemently with both of them telling them everything they know/do is wrong and they will die very soon from taking retard pharmaceuticals like Tpain and whatever strange drugs they were on.
It's no surprise Malice was the one who got Hydro into Tpain in the first place and now they are both dead. Meanwhile you all made jokes the entire time and wordenhancemented T-PAIN because 'lol memes'
Anyone that ever takes Tpain is a fucking retard or any of the other drug suggestions people have on this forum.
Just smoke weed and do meth instead of retarded pharmaceuticals you order from the internet or you will end up like those two Star Crossed idiots -
2018-10-22 at 12:41 AM UTCI'm kind of on the DontTellEm train here, I think some people just prefer to grieve on their own. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone for choosing to share their grief but I don't think it's a cathartic experience for everyone. Funerals are really rough for me, not because someone who I cared about died, that sucks with or without a funeral, but because you're obligated to "act sad" and I never really know how to do that. It just feels awkward and I never know what to say, I just want to melt into the wall or die myself so I don't have continue trying to figure out how you're supposed to act in a situation like that.
It feels like public demonstrations of grief almost cheapen the sentiment. It's not about the loss, it's about a social ritual around the loss. I'd rather stick to the usual social script and go be a depressed sack of shit on my own time.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-10-22 at 12:56 AM UTCAgreed @ unsure how to express emotions properly.
If u don't understand, u can confuse ppl as being careless, but that is more than likely the complete opposite. -
2018-10-22 at 1 AM UTCI think most people feel uncomfortable and akward at funerals. It’s hard to know how the family is grieving and what is the right thing to say. There really is no right thing to say, but being a sounding board can be comforting, and if they don’t come to you for comfort you dodged that interaction.
Edit: Not sure I expressed that last part correctly, but can’t articulate it right now. I’ll figure it out. -
2018-10-22 at 1:13 AM UTCMy post wasn't confined to a funeral. It was general.
But ya I get what ur saying. -
2018-10-22 at 1:24 AM UTCEverybody feels awkward at a funeral. Nobody really knows exactly what to do. It’s uncomfortable, painful, people are crying in public, etc.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to grief though. No, not everybody should scream about it from a rooftop but I’ve never known anybody to completely and privately grieve a serious loss and not endure some personal ramifications. -
2018-10-22 at 1:26 AM UTCAgreed.
-
2018-10-22 at 1:45 AM UTC
-
2018-10-22 at 1:46 AM UTCI'll think about it. 😇
-
2018-10-22 at 2:23 AM UTC
-
2018-10-22 at 3:13 AM UTC
Originally posted by Ghost I have lost a good number of people I know to suicide, drug overdose, cancer.
I always hated Malice and I told him his existence was worthless and that all his posts were garbage. I bet he never smoked a real fat bowl of meth in his life.
What a retard, wasting good dopamine receptors like that.
Hydro is cool, she is someone I would like to see alive but she has her owns problems and never posts so I can't really force myself to care.
You people did nothing but encourage them to live destructive lives and now you think having a pity party will satisfy your needs for moral self licensing.
I will always remember arguing vehemently with both of them telling them everything they know/do is wrong and they will die very soon from taking retard pharmaceuticals like Tpain and whatever strange drugs they were on.
It's no surprise Malice was the one who got Hydro into Tpain in the first place and now they are both dead. Meanwhile you all made jokes the entire time and wordenhancemented T-PAIN because 'lol memes'
Anyone that ever takes Tpain is a fucking retard or any of the other drug suggestions people have on this forum.
Just smoke weed and do meth instead of retarded pharmaceuticals you order from the internet or you will end up like those two Star Crossed idiots
Maybe there's some truth to this statement. I get the sense that you do give a fuck about the consequences of our choices as a group. A part of understanding what Malice did might involve admitting some responsibility for how we treat one another regularly. How do you think we move on from something like this?
Originally posted by Lanny I'm kind of on the DontTellEm train here, I think some people just prefer to grieve on their own. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone for choosing to share their grief but I don't think it's a cathartic experience for everyone. Funerals are really rough for me, not because someone who I cared about died, that sucks with or without a funeral, but because you're obligated to "act sad" and I never really know how to do that. It just feels awkward and I never know what to say, I just want to melt into the wall or die myself so I don't have continue trying to figure out how you're supposed to act in a situation like that.
It feels like public demonstrations of grief almost cheapen the sentiment. It's not about the loss, it's about a social ritual around the loss. I'd rather stick to the usual social script and go be a depressed sack of shit on my own time.
I think I understand, I wouldn't feel comfortable thinking of funerals as emotionally productive, for the same reasons you stated. As Lala said, nobody really knows how to act and my personal feeling is that it's only a chance to witness the very beginning of how other people are affected in a negative way. Real grieving barely begins within the week of death in which a service typically follows, but it does persist afterward, maybe for a very long time, if it isn't processed healthily.
My own reaction is similar to yours: to go through this process privately and let the fact of their death ferment until I'm numb from just thinking about it and consciously choose to forget. But I think sometimes it has to be talked about it with other people who cared about the deceased, and I think we've all been trying to do just that indirectly for a few months now. -
2018-10-22 at 3:47 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny I'm kind of on the DontTellEm train here, I think some people just prefer to grieve on their own. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone for choosing to share their grief but I don't think it's a cathartic experience for everyone. Funerals are really rough for me, not because someone who I cared about died, that sucks with or without a funeral, but because you're obligated to "act sad" and I never really know how to do that. It just feels awkward and I never know what to say, I just want to melt into the wall or die myself so I don't have continue trying to figure out how you're supposed to act in a situation like that.
It feels like public demonstrations of grief almost cheapen the sentiment. It's not about the loss, it's about a social ritual around the loss. I'd rather stick to the usual social script and go be a depressed sack of shit on my own time.
I've found the best way to approach a funeral is to go into it with the mindset of making the family members of the deceased more uncomfortable than you might feel. A common technique of mine would result in a conversation such as this:
*enters fancy church where the funeral is taking place for a known non-believer yet the entire service is focused on God's saving grace*
*finds immediate family member/s of dead person*
me: *shakes head* "oh man oh man. I am SO SO sorry, I am just so sooo soooo sorry for your loss." *shakes head more aggressively* "It's not fair, it's just not fair."
family: "thank you Wren, it's a very tough time indeed, and.. thank you for making it here, I know it would mean a lot to ****"
me: "Of course, and I just want to say that, really, it should've been me."
family: "OOHH WREN. no no no. Don't talk like th--"
me: "no seriously, it should've fucking been me. ***** didn't deserve that shit. I DID. I DO. I wish I could trade places with ****"
family: "Wren ! Please Wren that's ... nice? I'm not sure what you're saying but, what happened happened for a reason, and we accept that and we hope you can too, please don't think like that Wren."
me: "I'm not THINKING like ANYTHING. I should have died instead. It's just... it's true. It would've been better for everyone."
*everyone is openly crying at this point*
family: "Wren please don't talk like that it's not right. It's not your fault, and it should NOT have been you. That is... that is just .. it's just.."
me: "SO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? YOU'D RATHER ****** DIE THAN ME? DID YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT HIM/HER?!! I JUST FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGED HIS/HER LIFE WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE AND YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M WRONG??? DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT ******* ??? HOLY SHIT! YOU DON'T, DO YOU?! YOU COULDN'T CARE FUCKING LESS, COULD YOU????!!!"
*family is openly weeping, loudly, while gnashing their teeth*
family: "WREEN PLEEEASE DONT DO THIS, NOT RIGHT N--"
me: "I HATE YOU!! I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!!!"
*molotovs everything*
I don't know it's just a good way to sort of lighten the moodThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-10-22 at 3:55 AM UTC
-
2018-10-22 at 3:57 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
-
2018-10-22 at 3:59 AM UTC
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny high blood alcohol. no other way can be better alternative.
if people asks, just admit that you had 'a couple' of drinks, people will umderstand.
If people will understand why would they give a shit if you had way more than a couple of drinks? Why lie? My method involves no lying. -
2018-10-22 at 3:59 AM UTCWho would seriously name their kid Wren
-
2018-10-22 at 4:05 AM UTC
-
2018-10-22 at 1:43 PM UTCIf Malice went to a funeral, I hope he'd get drunk. I think he'd do a lot of memeing and dancing, and maybe give an impromptu eulogy for the deceased punctuated with a manifesto of antinatalism.
-
2018-10-22 at 9:10 PM UTCso like lemme get this strait,,, someone actually died? or successfully offed themselves? into a non living state?
