Originally posted by hydromorphone
Sploo, you caused my friend to die in the same capacity that you have any governmental influence, which is none, zero, zilch. Malice killed himself because after years of trying to reverse genetic, and environmental issues he caused himself (i.e. isolation), he couldn't deal any longer, bought a "parachute" to be able to end the suffering, and one day just did it. You have power over no one. You influence nothing. You're just some scum from the bottom of a cesspool. You're not intelligent as you claim to be, and all this, this claims to being smart, intelligent, and brilliant, are just your insecurity showing through.
What promise did he make? I don't recall right off hand, if it's something that was posted.
I honestly think he went through with it. He said he was contemplating it, sat and tried a couple of times prior, but had some reservations/fear, but I know him well enough to know that he could easily get over that, and while sure he trolled from time to time, I don't think he'd do a suicide troll. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I am wrong, but that's what I feel. I really miss the guy. If he is alive, I wish he'd just tip me off, even if he never talked to me again, and I'd leave it at that, and let the troll ride. I'd just like to know if he is alive, out there somewhere, where maybe one day he will get better.
A lot of people I love and care about have died recently, and it's come at a really bad time in my life to boot. It's not because of him, or the others whom have passed, but I do know I'll be following in his footsteps soon enough. Malice was wise enough to not let people get too close to him, to have too much influence, else I would be where ever he's at now. I kick myself in the ass for not continuing on, despite bullshit people told me. I know if Malice, a person whom I believe tried harder than anyone I've ever known with severe issues, couldn't find a way, I sure as hell have no hope.
He was supposed to give me a day to drive him around the city. If he wanted to die I'd have let him. I'd even have been there in whatever capacity I could be, while not putting myself in legal jeopardy. His autism was a blind spot for him. He thought he had perspective because he read a bunch of academic philosophical masturbation essays on anti Natalism. But expecting someone like that to understand emotion or beauty or moment, or experience is like trying to explain to someone blind from birth what the color blue is. I don't know if he did it, but if he did, it was selfish. I have a pretty solid idea of how and when I'll end my life, but at least I have some tangible reasons, and not because I chose to stay inside for a decade and a half and get all my expectations of human relations and love from weird fetishy anime. Idk. I tried to connect with him. In a lot of ways we had the same experience. But while I've burned my bridges, he simply never decided to cross them, afraid that the planks would snap, or he'd lose his balance, or a tornado would come and tear the thing all to splinters. A million and one reasons not to just throw yourself in and let life happen. For as much as he thought he was too far gone, he was essentially still an infant when it came to the world.
In any case- if he's alive he wants everyone to think he's dead. If he's dead, then he's meat, and there's no use expending what little energy I have left to try to persuade or rationalize him doing anything productive. If the latter really is the case, I hope he makes some nice green grass for someone to lay on and cloud watch.
