2017-03-13 at 9:04 AM UTC
Except for my drinking. I still lie about that
2017-03-13 at 9:05 AM UTC
My whole personality is a lie. Well, depending on who I'm around and the context I'm 4 or 5 completely different people. I don't believe in coherent ego and think a human is a dynamic state adapting to it's environment.
Anyways... Drug cravings are unbearable. It's like physical pain but doesn't hurt. If you were deprived of water for 3 days wouldn't you drink from a swamp? I have no problem being clean for a few days at a time but once my brain resets itself into normalcy from whatever damage I've caused, it says "wow, that was intense, let's do it again!". Is this going to be the rest of my life?
Post last edited by puffy butts at 2017-03-13T09:08:08.358591+00:00
2017-03-13 at 9:17 AM UTC
in a world where other people don't exist you just spent your free time watching videos of girls doing things
2017-03-13 at 9:18 AM UTC
Girls are other people though so they wouldn't exist
2017-03-13 at 9:19 AM UTC
lol you don't get what i mean. you're not on my level yet, probably will never be.
2017-03-13 at 9:19 AM UTC
I get what you mean, but what you mean is not what you said
2017-03-13 at 9:24 AM UTC
im in a state of near complete separation from the human condition, so i watch music videos of girls the way other people watch cute cat videos. i need some malicetism right now: are there nootropics that effectively treat apathy? if i can enhance my emotional responses to stimuli i think i'd be a lot less likely to get myself into drug mayhem all the time. i live in a state of not feeling anything maybe 80% of the time, i'm not depressed at all, but my experience is so monotonous sometimes i prefer my nonmedicated states of panic attack ocd depression because at least i'll have something to be preoccupied with.
i actually have very strong emotional responses to things at time, but my affect is shallow so whatever mental breakdown i have, i'm usually over it in a few hours and then i forget it ever happened. medications prevent these emotional breakdowns and so increase the emptiness.
2017-03-13 at 9:43 AM UTC
the part with the illuminati eye and the pentagram both being symbols floating around in the girl's dreamstate is pretty deep actually
2017-03-13 at 10:12 AM UTC
i was talking about the music video
the daddening
2017-03-13 at 11:30 AM UTC
Ahw yes, drug monday!
Top left Methylphenidate and a random pill, the tube is full of diazepam tablets, the blue and white bigger ones are Oxy's and i got my fentanyl nasal spray lined up lower right. It's awesome if you spray some in the glass dick that's top right and smoke it. Feels good man.
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