2024-07-09 at 2:56 AM UTC
SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND SMOKED ALL MY METH AND DRANK ALL MY BOOZE AND LEFT A BUNCH OF PORN TABS OPEN ON MY COMPUTER WHAT THE FUCK
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post didn't die in a fire!
2024-07-09 at 2:56 AM UTC
Oh right because I’m fat….right. Should u maybe check ur fridge & see if there’s any actual food in it? Frickin weird genius
2024-07-09 at 3:02 AM UTC
Oh right, thanks for clearing that up, so I’m looking for missing alcohol. Ur dumb. Hopefully u were drinking some alcohol when u got ran thru by Bill Krozby ya weird
2024-07-09 at 3:06 AM UTC
How awkward when someone has a problem w you & u don’t even know who they are. Are u gonna be okay, bud?
2024-07-09 at 3:13 AM UTC
Yeah. It’s exhibiting zoo animal & extra weird ….& dumb. I don’t like ur goofy ass either….move around & get better soon.
2024-07-09 at 3:21 AM UTC
I was at the bar, knocking back drinks like there was no tomorrow. Before I knew it, I was plastered and feeling queasy. Suddenly, it hit me—I puked all over my shirt. “Oh man,” I groaned, looking down at the mess. “This shirt was expensive, my wife is going to kill me!”
The bartender, who had been watching the whole thing, leaned over and said, “Look, here’s what you do. Put $10 in your shirt pocket and tell her that some other guy puked on you, and then gave you the $10 to have the shirt cleaned.”
“That’s a great idea!” I replied, feeling a surge of relief. “I’ll go home and try that.”
I stayed for a few more drinks, and by the time I decided to head home, I was completely smashed. As I stumbled up to my front door, I remembered the bartender’s advice. I fumbled with my wallet, pulled out some money, and stuffed it into my shirt pocket.
The moment I walked inside, my wife’s eyes zeroed in on the stain. Her face turned red with anger. “What happened to your shirt?” she demanded.
Thinking quickly, I pulled out the money and held it up. “Some other guy puked on me,” I slurred, “and he gave me $10 to cover the cleaning costs.”
She grabbed the bill from my hand and examined it closely. “You said he gave you $10. This is a $20.”
My foggy brain struggled to come up with an explanation. “Oh yeah, I forgot,” I mumbled. “He also shit in my pants.”
2024-07-09 at 11:56 AM UTC
*some am coffee *the beach *watering my plants
2024-07-09 at 2:26 PM UTC
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post didn't die in a fire!
