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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-05-06 at 2:13 AM UTClop it off
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2016-05-06 at 2:44 AM UTCI also want to add that this website is fucking GARBAGE on mobile and it's a painful process to go back and fix typos enough as is on a phone, but when you can't see what you're writing and have to scroll in a tiny text window to do so, it's just abhorrently not cool.
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2016-05-06 at 10:50 AM UTCThis site is garbage in general, just like all topics and posters!
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2016-05-06 at 6:47 PM UTCPlease God, give me the courage to lay my head on the rail. I don't want anymore.
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2016-05-06 at 6:57 PM UTCSoon.
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2016-05-06 at 7:08 PM UTCDon't traumatize some poor train conductor.
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2016-05-06 at 7:17 PM UTC
Please God, give me the courage to lay my head on the rail. I don't want anymore.
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2016-05-06 at 7:35 PM UTCHey Blah, do you remember this?
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2016-05-06 at 8:26 PM UTC
Don't traumatize some poor train conductor.
I honestly don't give a shit. Risk of work. -
2016-05-07 at 12 AM UTCWhiskey river take my mind
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2016-05-07 at 5:19 AM UTC
Please God, give me the courage to lay my head on the rail. I don't want anymore.
I don't feel suicidal anymore. Compared to how depressed I was before, NSI-189, then Nardil, made a huge difference. -
2016-05-07 at 6:09 PM UTCI've put on 45lbs of mostly muscle in less than a year.
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2016-05-07 at 10:17 PM UTC
I don't feel suicidal anymore. Compared to how depressed I was before, NSI-189, then Nardil, made a huge difference.
You have always seemed to put forth a lot of effort for someone who is seriously depressed. I know you don't know who I am (I don't think) but I always tend to read your posts especially the nootropic research as I've been experimenting with them myself for about a year or so. Do you feel even slightly that your depression was self imposed? I mean sure the NSI could have just hit the spot and corrected whatever it was that was psychologically wrong with you but honestly that seems highly unlikely(though without a doubt possible)... -
2016-05-08 at 3:54 PM UTC
I've put on 45lbs of mostly muscle in less than a year.
Really? That's really impressive if true. That's what... .8 a week?
Also, I've been thinking of hopping on the NSI train. I wanted to pin Cerebrolysin but prion diseases are one of the things I really fear. There was a site selling a synthetic metabolite of it determined to be the most active, but I don't see it anymore. :( -
2016-05-08 at 5:07 PM UTCPrion diseases keep me up at night
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2016-05-09 at 6:44 AM UTCI might start taking GH and sniffing trazadone to fall asleep. I basically need a bunch of noots for focus, pain, depression, anger, muscle mass, sleep and quitting smoking/drinking. If someone gives me a list of ones to take and orders them for me I'll pay them cuckbux for doing it. I just don't want to use cards, paypal and bitcoin, I'd honestly prefer bitcoin or bank transfer. Anyways, I'm fucked and need rarer drugs
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2016-05-09 at 3:03 PM UTC
You have always seemed to put forth a lot of effort for someone who is seriously depressed. I know you don't know who I am (I don't think) but I always tend to read your posts especially the nootropic research as I've been experimenting with them myself for about a year or so. Do you feel even slightly that your depression was self imposed? I mean sure the NSI could have just hit the spot and corrected whatever it was that was psychologically wrong with you but honestly that seems highly unlikely(though without a doubt possible)…
I haven't really put in a lot of effort since my mental breakdown 2 years ago. Obsessive effort, strong OCD characteristics, are common among aspies. I just fell apart and lost the ability to function. I later realized I was severely depressed before that, for about 3 years, and the worst of all this started when I decided I didn't want human relationships anymore, to detach myself, repress my emotions; it was the social isolation that was the worst idea and by far did the most damage. But I'm hiki, so it's not like I don't have plenty of time to read, and I also have this rationalist/hyper-systemizing mental architecture, autistic memory, and information and habits I've built over a lifetime.
Yes, my depression was self-imposed to a large extent. I did so many wrongs, based on the research I literally did the exact opposite to achieve happiness, point by point.
At this point I sometimes wonder if I'm just punishing myself. If I feel I deserve it for the things I've done and who I am. -
2016-05-09 at 11:39 PM UTC
Please God, give me the courage to lay my head on the rail. I don't want anymore.
​That was always going to be my chosen route for suicide. Quick and easy. -
2016-05-09 at 11:48 PM UTC
I've put on 45lbs of mostly muscle in less than a year.
​Leicester winning the PL. Gives hope to Liverpool. -
2016-05-10 at 8:15 AM UTCFor a week I had a terrible period of OCD and possibly depression as well. I just spent absurd amounts of time trying to solve problems, like a challenge I feel I need to triumph over. I also stopped taking care of myself, neglected some things. I think I went 4 days of just of just eating one fruit chip bag a day (actually pretty healthy composition) and drinking alcohol, then when I ran out I ate nothing for 3 days, drank more alcohol and ran out on the last. At some point I finished one things and moved on to another. I recall once I spent an absurd 15 hours in the bathroom, where I preferred to work with the door close. Almost as if it put me in a trance like state. I'm not sure how much of that period I didn't sleep in a bed. I remember staying up two days in a row at least twice. Falling asleep with my knees up and back against the wall, once took etizolam and woke up on the floor next to the chair, multiple other times just passing out on the floor, likely sleeping insufficient amounts.
Dear god, help me.