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The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS

  1. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by RisiR † I was so scared of MDPV in the beginning. At the end I did fat rails, smoked it off foil and rolled cigs in it.

    I didn't even think I was high. That was scary. Reality is so fast gone. It's crazy.

    is MDPV the same thing as bath salt?
  2. RestStop Space Nigga
    About a year ago I was involved in a car accident where I was the only fatality in a truck containing 6 people. I remember looking up from the passenger seat and seeing an oncoming vehicle and the rest is just darkness. I couldn't move or speak and could only listen to the screaming of my friends as they escaped the burning truck. Eventually all went quiet and I could hear a soft voice and a man appeared in front of me. The man informed me I was dead and that it was time I move on. Confused, I asked what he was talking about and if this was a dream. The man smiled and said that denial is a part of moving on but agreed to show me proof. Suddenly we were at a funeral viewing and the man carefully guided me up to the casket. After taking a closer look I all but freaked out as I saw myself lying dead in the casket. With my hands trembling as I touched my cold skin reality began to set in.

    “Let’s go” he said. “We can’t stay here forever.”

    I was shocked and began breaking down. I pleaded with the man to help me, after all I was just a sophomore in college with so much life ahead of me. I asked the man if there was anyway he could help me or give me a chance.

    “Well yes, there is one way, but of course like everything it comes at a cost.” He said.

    “What sort of cost? Like my soul?” I replied.

    “No, no, my child I am not trying to take your soul it is already accounted for. However, there is still a price to pay but what exactly it is varies from person to person. Think of it as more of a trade, by accepting this extension you agree to trade me something back.”

    “Will anyone be hurt?”

    “Have no fear; no one will endure any pain. The price may not even be realized immediately, and don’t worry your satisfaction is guaranteed.”

    The man then looked in his coat and pulled out a black book, he flipped through the pages, turned his focus back to me and said:

    “Now if you’re ready to go through with this, please just sign here” He pointed at a blank page in the book.

    “In blood?” I asked

    The man chuckled softly and stated: “No my boy, with this pen”

    He handed me a pen and I began to sign the book. As I finished my signature I began to feel warmth in my chest and the man began to fade away. The last thing he said to me before he vanished was:

    “Bye for now and I hope you are satisfied with this trade.”

    I woke up in a hospital bed and was told I had been in an accident and more importantly I had been the sole survivor of a crash that should have killed me. The doctor stated that it was a miracle I survived unscathed while the others died on impact. He also informed me that I had been in a coma for quite some time but that with therapy I should be back to normal in no time. A while later my parents visited and explained that due to the drunken semi driver hitting us that my friend’s families and my family had gotten some rather large settlements. My parents said that with proper investing and management I wouldn’t have to ever worry about money.

    As you can imagine I wasn’t able to sleep well. Every time my eyes would close I would hear my friends’ screams, this was eventually paired with images of them yelling as flames engulfed them. Having to live in the house 2 of my now deceased friends shared with me didn’t help either. I drink a lot now to try and escape the reality that I selfishly traded my one life for theirs. After all, they were my best friends since elementary and I selfishly traded my own life for theirs. Days, weeks and months went on with me killing bottle after bottle trying to cope with myself all while crazily calling to the air that I wanted to undo this trade. I thought I would never here from the man and that I was just crazy and thought a dream was reality. However, yesterday something strange happened, the doorbell rang and as I carried my hungover self to the door and opened it I realized there was no one there. Looking down I noticed a black business card with red letters lying on the ground with two lines that read:

    “Unsatisfied with your recent trade?”

    “Give me a call!”

    The back of the card had a number paired with an image of the familiar man printed next to it. Nothing prepared me for what was in store for me when I called that number.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  3. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by RestStop About a year ago I was involved in a car accident where I was the only fatality in a truck containing 6 people. I remember looking up from the passenger seat and seeing an oncoming vehicle and the rest is just darkness. I couldn't move or speak and could only listen to the screaming of my friends as they escaped the burning truck. Eventually all went quiet and I could hear a soft voice and a man appeared in front of me. The man informed me I was dead and that it was time I move on. Confused, I asked what he was talking about and if this was a dream. The man smiled and said that denial is a part of moving on but agreed to show me proof. Suddenly we were at a funeral viewing and the man carefully guided me up to the casket. After taking a closer look I all but freaked out as I saw myself lying dead in the casket. With my hands trembling as I touched my cold skin reality began to set in.

    “Let’s go” he said. “We can’t stay here forever.”

    I was shocked and began breaking down. I pleaded with the man to help me, after all I was just a sophomore in college with so much life ahead of me. I asked the man if there was anyway he could help me or give me a chance.

    “Well yes, there is one way, but of course like everything it comes at a cost.” He said.

    “What sort of cost? Like my soul?” I replied.

    “No, no, my child I am not trying to take your soul it is already accounted for. However, there is still a price to pay but what exactly it is varies from person to person. Think of it as more of a trade, by accepting this extension you agree to trade me something back.”

    “Will anyone be hurt?”

    “Have no fear; no one will endure any pain. The price may not even be realized immediately, and don’t worry your satisfaction is guaranteed.”

    The man then looked in his coat and pulled out a black book, he flipped through the pages, turned his focus back to me and said:

    “Now if you’re ready to go through with this, please just sign here” He pointed at a blank page in the book.

    “In blood?” I asked

    The man chuckled softly and stated: “No my boy, with this pen”

    He handed me a pen and I began to sign the book. As I finished my signature I began to feel warmth in my chest and the man began to fade away. The last thing he said to me before he vanished was:

    “Bye for now and I hope you are satisfied with this trade.”

    I woke up in a hospital bed and was told I had been in an accident and more importantly I had been the sole survivor of a crash that should have killed me. The doctor stated that it was a miracle I survived unscathed while the others died on impact. He also informed me that I had been in a coma for quite some time but that with therapy I should be back to normal in no time. A while later my parents visited and explained that due to the drunken semi driver hitting us that my friend’s families and my family had gotten some rather large settlements. My parents said that with proper investing and management I wouldn’t have to ever worry about money.

    As you can imagine I wasn’t able to sleep well. Every time my eyes would close I would hear my friends’ screams, this was eventually paired with images of them yelling as flames engulfed them. Having to live in the house 2 of my now deceased friends shared with me didn’t help either. I drink a lot now to try and escape the reality that I selfishly traded my one life for theirs. After all, they were my best friends since elementary and I selfishly traded my own life for theirs. Days, weeks and months went on with me killing bottle after bottle trying to cope with myself all while crazily calling to the air that I wanted to undo this trade. I thought I would never here from the man and that I was just crazy and thought a dream was reality. However, yesterday something strange happened, the doorbell rang and as I carried my hungover self to the door and opened it I realized there was no one there. Looking down I noticed a black business card with red letters lying on the ground with two lines that read:

    “Unsatisfied with your recent trade?”

    “Give me a call!”

    The back of the card had a number paired with an image of the familiar man printed next to it. Nothing prepared me for what was in store for me when I called that number.

    check out a story called "why i havent showered in 21 years", i think you'd like it
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  4. RestStop Space Nigga
    Originally posted by cerakote check out a story called "why i havent showered in 21 years", i think you'd like it

    I just read it...get it...Reddit...bad joke but seriously I did read it and it's definitely one of the better stories on there.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  5. cerakote African Astronaut
    [begin methpost]

    oh man, was i wrong about polearms in mount and blade... they absolutely shit on everything.

    after all the spewing the other night about polearms and damage types and whatever the fuck else, i got to thinking: "hey dummy, if all these people on the taleworlds forums are saying good shit about polearms and lances, they cant be as bad as i think, let me try them for myself!". after watching a video on how to couch a lance and about 30 seconds of using one in a battle, i realized how fucking good they are.

    the jousting lances arent very good because of how long and how slow they are coupled with their low damage, but man, the heavy lance is fucking amazing. it has a considerably shorter reach but it does piercing damage (and more damage overall) instead of blunt and its significantly faster so its actually usable as a polearm in a pinch. i managed to pick up a balanced heavy lance, which was a direct upgrade over the regular one i was using before, and it only amplifies the power. earlier today i got in a fight with a nord jarl and a little while before i got into a pretty painful battle so i barely had any troops. all the troops i did have got knocked unconscious or killed pretty early in to the fight by the veteran archers and huscarls the guy had, and when things were said and done i was facing off against over 40 nord warriors and veteran archers by myself. after i rode around at a distance long enough for the archers to use up all their arrows, it was a fucking slaughter. if you have a fast horse (the one ive been using and recommend for anyone who doesnt have the stats or money for a warhorse, and i dont, would be a heavy hunter) with decent health and charge damage, your lance couches really fucking fast with it. i kept making pass after pass, couching the huscarls and veterans which always instakill if youre going full gallop, and using regular thrust attacks on archers or anyone else in range. i was killing 3 or sometimes 4 people in one pass if their positioning was perfect. even regular thrust attacks with it do an insane amount of damage (usually 60-80 depending on speed and enemy armor) against footmen and have had numbers in the high 120s against enemy horsemen, which makes it pretty much best in slot for anti-infantry. against heavy cavalry like swadian men at arms/knights and sarranid mamlukes, it does a disgustingly good job of killing their horses so your archers and cavalry can cut them down.

    also, after losing an extremely expensive and well trained force to getting memed on by bad terrain in the battlefield, ive learned how important it is to make sure you fit the terrain of the world map you start a battle in to the kinds of troops you have. losing a big army of heavy horsemen because you spawned right behind a river and hillside which allowed the enemy to get there before my troops could move forward was fucking infuriating. i ended up losing an extremely easy battle to a bunch of khergit shitterlings and nord infantry purely because i wasnt paying attention to the terrain i engaged them on. trying to redirect them to a more fitting area of the field didnt even work since they were too busy getting piled by horse archers.

    having played long enough to appreciate the intricacy of the game, i can say that i am super hyped for bannerlord. from what we've seen, the game looks fucking amazing and its gonna be nice to look at character models that dont look like they were made out of playdoh and have fetal alcohol syndrome
  6. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by RestStop I just read it…get it…Reddit…

    WELL MEMED

    WEW LAD
  7. Ceratoke, you need to get viking conquest. Adds so much more depth to the game.
  8. Hey malice thanks for recommending me T-PAIN free acid

    I thought it was going to be shit because only so much can be absorbed at one time, but I actually like it better than sodium

    You can't really get opioid-like effects from it but I find that I prefer the more subtle mood lift to the opioid-like effects of the sodium salt and I don't feel like my brain was put in a blender when I wake up in the morning like I do with the sodium salt

    I also don't have to redose every couple hours like I do with the sodium salt
  9. And newmind doesn't rattex you for trying to buy more than 2g at a time
  10. Originally posted by Lanny lol, I heard that song for the first time today. The lyrics are like next level nigger shit

    This.

    Also, anybody notice a trend of the crackerest ass white girls being/pretending to be into the mainstreamest, most niggerific new hip hop and rap?
  11. Also, what is up with people not knowing Don Dolo? He's a fucking beast

    https://m.soundcloud.com/therealdondolo/even-when-i-lose-i-win-ft-pookie-envi

    Next big thing, easy
  12. Originally posted by Captain Falcon This.

    Also, anybody notice a trend of the crackerest ass white girls being/pretending to be into the mainstreamest, most niggerific new hip hop and rap?

    I ain't even brush my teeth, but I'm on the block

    I ain't even brush my teeth, all I do is floss
  13. aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
  14. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Captain Falcon This.

    Also, anybody notice a trend of the crackerest ass white girls being/pretending to be into the mainstreamest, most niggerific new hip hop and rap?

    yep

    >omg i love young thug!!!! xD
  15. cerakote African Astronaut
    lanny please ban infinityshock
  16. infinityshock Black Hole
    Originally posted by cerakote lanny please ban infinityshock

    its going to cost you your asshole, both of your tonsils, and your binky.
  17. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by infinityshock its going to cost you your asshole, both of your tonsils, and your binky.

    my binky alone is worth more than you are on the slave auction block so you better watch how you talk to me you filthy fucking gorilla
  18. cerakote African Astronaut
    why does meth make me wistfully listen to country music
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  19. cerakote African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Six*Six*Scronald3 u six dix on the corner for pennies

    and you do it for free
  20. RestStop Space Nigga
    Originally posted by cerakote why does meth make me wistfully listen to country music

    It is a little known fact that most meth makers are indeed hicks and thus hardcore country music fans. The "soul" of country music is intertwined with the meth.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

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