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2020-02-04 at 9:48 PM UTC[edited]
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2020-02-04 at 9:48 PM UTCFucking mother fucking page 41! I said we were close!
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2020-02-04 at 9:55 PM UTCHere's my .22 Henry golden boy pump action on a unicorn chair. Really solid gun on a really good chair.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-05 at 1:40 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I got a story:
Thanksgiving. I was living with Poasts cousin and we were having it there. I had Hozilla living with me like a retard. Poasts cousin could cook so a bunch of people showed up that didn't have family showed up. We ate and then started drinking and having fun.
Some of Poasts family was there and it was pretty chill. There was one second I was standing next to WifeDead and Hozilla was in the hallway. Poasts mom was right there but wasn't looking so I got hozillas attention. She looked at me and I went in for a kiss with MomDead. He swooned and we passionately kissed while I stared her down. She had a horrified look on her face and I walked away.
Dead seriously, without any acknowledgement of what I was about to do just sold the shit out of it. This wasn't the first time we kissed. I think it might've been the last though.
This reminds me of when I was with Ho-Zilla. For christmas I got her a bong. She got me a breathalizer. I told her I wanted one to control my drinking. Once I opened it up I exclaimed, "I'm getting drunk as fuck tonight." She was a typical drugged out ho and stammered, "But you said..." I didn't care. I got drunk as fuck that night trying to set a high score.
Breathalizers are the devils work. Ho-Zilla was making out with a really hot chick and instead of trying to get in with the action with Zilla as the wingman, I just got pissed because I was so drunk.
I was bragging that night that I was kicking everyones asses at drinking and some guy blew above me. So I tried to cheat by taking two shots immediately and then blowing. I still lost. -
2020-02-05 at 12:40 PM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I know we're close to page 41. Let me think of a story.
WifeDead lived behind a crappy chinese restaurant in some ghetto apartments. I think they were one bedroom. If I remember right it was a living room with mattresses in it directly connected to a kitchen of sorts then a bathroom. It was basically a triangle with no walls separating the kitchen and living room.
I loved it there. There were no rules. We ghettoed out like kings there. I lived miles away so if I wanted to visit I'd take the train tracks that ran next to the bay so I wouldn't walk the highway. It was worth the 2 1/2 hour walk because we got away with murder. One time we found half a cigarette, emptied it out and put gun powder at the bottom and a short fuse then packed the tobacco back in. The we tied it to string with a note that said, 'a cigarette butt for you'. Then we taped it to someones door that was half way open. One time his sister had a note for some summer school thing and needed a number on it. She saw us scraping magnesium onto it and lighting the magnesium. She said she really needed that number so we got really good at burning everything but the number. Like I said, it was beautiful chaos. One time I flew a helicopter and landed on a boat in Vice City. WifeDead said it was impossible. I made him eat those words after I tried it 100 times.
So WifeDead was a good friend of mine and he comes to stay the night. We stay up late watching movies or video games on my computer. The morning rolls around and we're watching some shitty horror film on Sci-Fi. My dad comes home and turns out we're re doing our roof that day. He just goes into my room and says to turn the TV off and come outside. This was all a very long time ago so I just know the story. Not most of the details.
We start roofing and WifeDead didn't leave our house for two or three days. At the end my dad gave him $5 and said he also got all the soda he wanted to drink those days. My dad was a stickler with money and just punked a 16 year old kid.
The really funny part is everytime I mention WifeDead to my family, no body remembers him. My dad swears he never did that. I mention WifeDead to my brother and he thinks I'm talking about Poast. Absolutely no one remembers turning some ghetto kid living behind a chinese restaurant into a slave. My mom even gave him a ride home after it was done. I'm the only person in my family who acknowledges that WifeDead exists.
He also said I can't post the video I want.
You guys must have lead in your drinking water -
2020-02-06 at 1:51 AM UTCThe Mrs might be pregnant. We've been working with a bull for the last year but I fukt up. I banged my old lady two weeks ago. Fuck. Cross your fingers and pray for me the child comes out black.
I kid but the Mrs might be pregnant. If she is she says she wants to keep it. Alright I guess. I love this girl, just got a new place so if she wants a whining, shitting monster she can have one. I'm personally against it but fuck it. Maybe it'll be funny.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-06 at 1:19 PM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN The Mrs might be pregnant. We've been working with a bull for the last year but I fukt up. I banged my old lady two weeks ago. Fuck. Cross your fingers and pray for me the child comes out black.
I kid but the Mrs might be pregnant. If she is she says she wants to keep it. Alright I guess. I love this girl, just got a new place so if she wants a whining, shitting monster she can have one. I'm personally against it but fuck it. Maybe it'll be funny.
Cant you simply eat the child to regain your power? -
2020-02-07 at 1:51 AM UTC
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2020-02-07 at 2:54 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-02-07 at 7:22 AM UTC
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2020-02-07 at 6:55 PM UTCWe're so close to page 42 guys. Give up some quitting/getting fired storys. Free 100% custom lolcats if you do.....
Just saying..... -
2020-02-07 at 7:14 PM UTCI'm showing your only on page 33
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2020-02-07 at 7:38 PM UTC
Originally posted by itybit I'm showing your only on page 33
You must have your post views per page set higher. Your 100% custom LOLcat comes with a free song! What a deal!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo2OIUpWznY
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-08 at 7:11 PM UTCI think I might leave my Mrs. We're not officially married because I'm a genius and talked her out of it. I haven't told her because I'll get in trouble but I give her a month to stop her shit. There's a kid in the mix, which isn't technically mine, but I can get up and leave without any lawyers at an time.
If I decide to do it it's going to be a real shame. She's left before but always came back. If I quit, then that's it. Sick of constantly being wrong and I never do anything right. As she's downing anti-psychotic pills morning and night.
You guys give a fired/quitting story I'll take questions and give stories. Might be some free 100% custom LOLcats in it too. -
2020-02-11 at 3:20 AM UTCPoast isn't telling his story which he should instead of killing himself. So I'll post a joke he told me that no body laughs at.
A guy opens up a restaurant and calls it, 'No Niggers Welcome'. The town gets upset obviously. So he changes the name to, 'Niggers Welcome'. The town is still pissed and the guy is standing around like, "You just can't please these people!"The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-11 at 7:28 AM UTCThis will be the longest thread on the internet. I have big shoulders. I can pull this weight.
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2020-02-11 at 7:29 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Poast isn't telling his story which he should instead of killing himself. So I'll post a joke he told me that no body laughs at.
A guy opens up a restaurant and calls it, 'No Niggers Welcome'. The town gets upset obviously. So he changes the name to, 'Niggers Welcome'. The town is still pissed and the guy is standing around like, "You just can't please these people!"
joke seems unfinished -
2020-02-11 at 7:34 AM UTC
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2020-02-12 at 6:06 AM UTCYou guys think I'm going to let this post not be the longest ever? Have I got news for you.
Encourage Poast to post when he punched a 300 lb black dude and the black guy just laughed. He's down in the dumps right now. -
2020-02-16 at 4:43 PM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Poast isn't telling his story which he should instead of killing himself. So I'll post a joke he told me that no body laughs at.
A guy opens up a restaurant and calls it, 'No Niggers Welcome'. The town gets upset obviously. So he changes the name to, 'Niggers Welcome'. The town is still pissed and the guy is standing around like, "You just can't please these NIGGERS!!"
corrected.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
