hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Well where I am at being outta T-PAIN I've tasted the local heroin supply. Came in wax paper tiny baggies stamped on red KING. Its light tan and seems to be fairly,strong for the amount I took but my tolerance is huge- I'm barely out of wds, and I did 4 then 5 bags but wasn't much to begin with in each. Things are so fucked, hope tuesday I will have my shit.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Well apparently NO FUCKING BODY here knows miles, kilometers... Fuck I could work with hectars if that's what theyd say when I ask 'how far is *insert location here*?'.. Everything is 10 minutes. Like fuckers I asked for distance not time. Also, they don't know what the fuck GRAMS are. I've bought 2 'bundles' which is 12 tiny wax paper baffles that are stamped and each baggie contains a different amount. The first bundle was a lot less. This bundle I've got now, same 4 baggies, did me right this go. Such fucking,bullshit. H dealer was all up on what I was taking when I said I'd prefer my medication to H. I'm keeping my lips sealed on this. I could make a fortune on shit here if I started selling it and probably also have it banned in a year. Well.., tuesday.. Fucking tuesday.. Fuck man.. Wish mail ran 7 days a week like it used to back in the day.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Hey Malice, was wondering how the search for Nardil was going.. Did you find, or possibly have someone lined up with it? Why did your psych have you on it then take you off in the first place? That's kinda fucked.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Nah, I don't think Malice is dead, I'd expect more from him than to just off himself like that. He's been seeking recovery more than anyone on this whole fucked up forum, ai doubt he would stop now when he is pretty close to finding something that has real promise. That would suck though if he did kick the bucket- he is one of the few people I enjoy on this forum. I really hope you're wrong.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Meh.. Did my last dose of H until tomorrow. Well.. Atleast it shouldn't be too long before I get it- mail runs around 12 here. I'm hoping maybe I can score a few more bags until then. Addiction sucks.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Also the area (not the town, the general area) I am in, the abbreviation for it is LSD. I've been seeing bumper stickers and shit saying LSD all the Fuck over and was kinda taken aback. Then I figured it out.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
close, but no cigar. You got 1 outta 3. Just got to the public library here and had it out with them because apparently a passport isn't good enough ID to use their computers (my roommate is using my laptop atm) and being jumped up on H I felt like, for the sake of the principle, arguing. Its not right and the lady argued my Passport was expired for 30 minutes and got mad when I said she couldn't read- she kept reading the Date of Issue, and Below was the date expiration. Finally, when I said, "Okay, if I walk out of here unable to use a computer, I swear I will have ALL Federal funding yanked from this library- I might be homeless, but I sure have stirred the pot else where, and trust me, they have no problem with my Passport anymore" "I got a wait, wait, wait!" and the Library director came out and talked to me. Like wtf, just because there is no address on my passport (A fucking FEDERAL ID, which they wanted to argue it wasn't- it is). People are so fucking retarded here. I am leaving soon. I cannot deal with the retardation here for much longer- 3 days and Im ready to call it quits. This place is awful. I grew up a state away, actually very close and I bounce back and forth if I drive one way down the highway- never thought Id be back here, or that just one imaginary line would make people so fucking stupid.
fuck everybuddy dis shit still goin on n shit liek wtfs with the goldang PMz? This website is pretty fucked, I like that its still existing in some form though, for better or worse. So is anyone here moving onto bigger and bettter things in any way? I like checking in erry nownthen, bless Lanny for keeping it going, sucks about all the shit though, ykno
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
Come on, Malice, please don't be dead. There are very few people I genuinely enjoy reading what they have to say and you're one of them.
CountBlah, where the Fuck are you- I've got a question to ask if youre still alive regarding my truck. I also wanted to see how you're doing and what's up with the mother in law crap you had going on, and how shit is with your girlfriend- it's been a while since you've posted anything, hope all is well.
hydromorphone
victim of incest
[insincerely conduce my paisley]
I think I love the people I do because I'd rather not hate or hold grievances in my heart- I want and have strived to be a person of love, kindness,,and giving. I believe the root to all my self hate and suicidal contemplations come from a place to avoid causing those I do love and hold dear pain. I believe I am the root to all the pain in the lives of those I love and that's why my love has never been reciprocated. If I die today, I have nobody on this earth who would shed a single tear, and when I think about that, it makes me feel a mix of sadness and relief- relief that I wouldn't cause more pain, and sadness because most people and myself want to be loved. I think everyone wants to have a life with love, acceptance, and genuine contentedness, just some people like me never find all that. I am going to do the one thing I was told to do by someone I love with all my heart, supposedly said out of anger, but then again everything else they told me was a lie and I believe with all my heart it was the truth. I don't need love recipricated to continue loving and caring for that person and it would suit everyone involved- my pain and suffering will end, and their life will be better for me gone. As for my son, he won't even know who I am or that there is anyone to even mourn when he grows up, I've called DCF and I found a way around my ex husband, hopefully, for him to be adopted. I walk away from hate and pain this morning, I can feel them starting to hit me as I type. The only thing I will regret is that things couldn't be different- I wish I were one of those people who always had all the cards, aces up the sleeve, and where my heart would be not so broken- it's always been broken- I wish I had a life where the dice always rolled in my favor because I've not had it do that very often or regarding important events in my life. Good luck. Achieve much and regret little. Love is one of those things that can keep you alive and also kill you- at least for some of us. Sometimes things People who do things for others isn't exactly for them, rather the person who was doing a lot of the time- that's why I did what I did- sorry it hurt you, so sorry. If I could do it over, if I could find a way in another life to fix it., I wish I could.
