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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-06-20 at 5:47 PM UTCshaddap
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2016-06-20 at 6:55 PM UTCgod save the queen
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2016-06-20 at 8:42 PM UTCI have 1,339 messages in my inbox. Your PM didn't make it through as usual. I can't clean up that mess. I have to create a new account.
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2016-06-20 at 9:53 PM UTCwhat can i do for extra money thats not another job
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2016-06-21 at 12:02 AM UTCWhen it all boils down, it all becomes a job, being it takes your time to do shit. Sell drugs, sell shit on craigslist/ebay, be a man-whore... I guess it all depends on what a 'job' is to you, but everything involved in making money usually takes some degree of applying your time to doing it.
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2016-06-21 at 5:45 AM UTC
Malice- I agree thats a better route to fill the desires of a child. My exhusband was the one who wanted a baby, not me. Im just making the most of what I have, and wanted to suggest other things that might make those numbers the way they are just from my personal experience. Also, I wonder, since they are taking this from birth to what.. 2 years? I wonder if post partum depression was considered in this too. during pregnancy and after the hormones get all fucked up big time… I definely had suffered and probably at times still suffer from post partum depression since hes been born. I feel bad for how at times Ive felt for when hes been born and things Ive said, but nobody ever even considers that its possible I was dealing with post partum depression. §m£ÂgØL has even said shit that I said back then and has held it over mewith no consideration of that before… I was very depressed, especially with the shit from my Exhusband. Ive always taken care of him to the best of my ability, never endangered him, and while at times Ive felt so low, and that maybe I didnt love him, had severe regrets he was here (mainly because of my exhusnand), Ive never been one of those fucked up people who thought about killing him or some shit like that. The worst Ive ever been has been contemplating leaving him with a friend or dcf and commiting suicide. Things have been better though… Ive always been a depressed person and have ideas that involve dying sometimes, but my priority is him being safe and happy always. Hopefully I can make some really good memories with my son growing up and while it wont be a normal life, not by a long shot, hopefully he will appreciate all the cool shit he gets to do with his mom. All I can do is make the best of a fucked up situation.
Oh, that's something I wanted to respond to, but forgot because my other post didn't make it through.
I think I've mentioned this to you before: From the Max-Plank Institute More than just the baby bluesWhat has been known is that in the first three to four days after giving birth, estrogen levels drop 100 to 1000 fold
Absolute madness.They found that levels of MAO-A were, on average, 43 percent higher in women who had just had a baby
And the actual study: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20439828
You're familiar with drugs, I'm sure you've heard of Suicide Tuesdays, referring the the rebound from MDMA use. Imagine some women feeling like that for months, years. And it effects more than serotonin, of course, You should be smart enough to know that an increase of 43% of MAO-A is going to have massive negative effects.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monoamine_oxidase_A
Do a basic follow up, it's always good to refresh you memory. Spaced repetition is the only thin that actually works long term. actually.MAO-A levels in the brain as measured using positron emission tomography are elevated by an average of 34% in patients with major depressive disorder.[10]
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| And what's the most effective way to deal with drastically elevated MAO-A. Drugs that inhibit it!
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| How does a 400% boost in GABA sound to you, without the tolerance and negative effects if benzos? A dug that is considered non-abuse able (It pretty much.)
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Don't be discouraged ,it's common for doctors to say no the first, even multiple times. Doctors are busy, some people are very fortunate to have amazing ones, but you can still introduce him to bits of the most promising information. Always the actual use studies, never articles, and never mention anything along the lines of anti-GMO, anti-vax, alternative medicine; basically anything associated with hippies who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I wouldn't even mention raw goal. Remember, they're there to treat you with medicine, not be your friend and nurture you. They aren't psychologists of therapists. You need to keep this in mind when you plan what to say. Intelligence is valued, and it doesn't cost much to buy a pair of clear lens glasses online and an outfit at a thrift store that create a positive impression. I absolutely hate how people judge by appearance, but I understand why
​I have 1,339 messages in my inbox. Your PM didn't make it through as usual. I can't clean up that mess. I have to create a new account.
It's like being a responsible adult. You don't let things pile up. You do a few minutes of work here and there. Maybe you quickly wash a few dishes if you don;t have a dishwasher. Clothes are so easy with a washing machine it's barely even a chore, unless you go to a laundromat. An area of your house is particularly dirty, you vacuum and because it's small it doesn't take long at all. People make the mistake, feel the compulsion, that it must be dine all at once,
That is what adults do, RisiR. This is how people with your habits end up:
No, but enough mothering. a script for this should be easy to make, but I never had an interest in that field. Asking Lanny for feature to delete all messages also doesn't seem like a good idea because besides maintenance work (forgive me if this actually takes quite some time and is tedious), I can't blame him for not seeing this site as worth investing the time and effort.
A name change wouldn't matter much, at least to me. Legal names have always seemed like a form of identification I was indifferent to. Usernames represent something abut yourself, but in a place as vast as the internet, many others may share your username, which is why some people add numbers (I say "some" because it wouldn't surprise me if a significant percentage just tacked it on because it was their "favorite" or they believed in numerology or some other symbolic bullshit.). -
2016-06-21 at 7:04 AM UTCMalice, Ive always really apprciated your posts and a major part of why Ive stuck around here. Ive enjoyed our conversations and always taken your advice into account, and even advised others with information you have enlightened me to, when it was relevant. This is the last night in my house, the hell Ive lived for the last six years and while I believe youd be proud of how I managed my escaped of this place (I say escape because I really have felt trapped here for such a long time and even hopeless to ever getting out without bing straight up homeless on my ass, which fortunately I wont be, not by a long shot, nor will the animals I love and care about and have made a commitment to), I still am emotionally all fucked up over it. There are a few people in the area who really helped me and were a friend sometimes through shit when it got bad, my coworkers that helped me out, and the springs I live near that are so beautiful... I really am going to miss the cold clean clear water onnhot summer days... I had some good times with my dad here on the farm, when the farm actually worked, it was a very peaceful, fullfilling time.. having the goats, milking daily... There is a lot of broken dreams here, so in that respect it is good I am leaving.. I cant go outside a lot and look around because I just want to cry with all thats been lost, with all the memories that were and the ones that should have never been- Ill never be able to get rid of the sight of my horse rotting in the field as it rained, it about killed me and certainly killed part of my heart, a piece of me died then. There were good times too though... I just feel very melancoly about it all. Im cutting ties with Florida, moving to a state Ive never lived in before, dont know anyone at all... but atleast everyone is getting in the life raft with me and will be with me, safe and well taken care of and with someone wholl take good care of them when I do head west. I cant live where I am going... I mean, I could, but I have to see more.. my health ie so fucked, if I dont do it now I likely wont ever get the chance again.. I do plan to see a doctor before I go- I have toyed with the idea of trying to get nardil (do the just moved from out of state and need my meds thing, which isnt a lie and there are enough doctors in the area Im likely to find one wholl write it). Question, but when getting prescribed nardil, is there any contradiction eith klonopin and propranolol? I dont ever take kpins, but Id still like the script to sell if I can, and well... propranolol is certianly a good thing for me and my fucked heart- I believe I asked before about that and Im pretty sure there isnt a problem but I dont recall about klonopin. Anyway... I hope shit gets better than it has been. I hope I can just enjoy life instead of the fear and struggle and heartache-I need to get better and maybe a fresh start, nardil, and a trip across the country will help heal my soul. With shit going on, I likely wont post a bunch, not that I do much anyway, but.. wish me luck. Btw- how is the nardil been doing for you? It seems youve gotten in a depressed rut, but also youve seemed more... empatetic? I dont know but its hard to just gage from your posts how its working for you. As always, I wish you the best, Malice. Maybe when I get out west Ill see an autistic spic sprinting home with groceries and gay shoes and think 'oh shit! Ivejust seen a Malice in the wild!'
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2016-06-21 at 7:38 AM UTCYou know, I wanted to ask you something else, Malice, I thought of after smoking a little bud- if you were headed west, coming from the east coast, traveling more along 80, what along the way do you think would interest you to see? Have you ever thought of traveling? I mean, you get a check each month, if it didnt work out to do long term, Im sure youd be able to find another apaprtment with the assistance you get and your crazy check, so youve not got much to lose... is there anything thatd interest you that youd invest time and money to go see? A long while back you made mention of living out of a bus I think, converting it. Some people do take motorhomes, or campers and live out of them, sometimes years at the same rv park and sometimes just bouncing around staying until they are bored. I always thought that was a pretty cool way to live. while itd be great to live in a big nice house... what is it? Its a place to sleep, eat, and spend a little time to unwind... I love going and seeing new things, and especially being in nature and outside. I am one of those people who could sleep under the stars every night (especially tonight, its the summer solsctice and the moon is beautiful and bright and the sky is clear and its pretty cool compared to how its been most nights and during the day) and Ive done a lot of camping. The only thing that gets me camping is sleeping on the hard ground, but without too much expense I had pretty kick ass air matress I would say to this day, besides sleeping on a waterbed, was the most comfortable matress I ever slept on and it lasted me years until my father and grabdmother decided to let their dogs sleep on it (I love my dogs and a regular matress or couch, Im all for them sleeping on with me but not my air matress). I was so sad that fucking thing got a hole in it in a place it couldnt be patched- it had memory foam on top. That is one of my first purchases when I get up there, because no way can my ass handle hard ground with my back the way it is. being stoned as I am, I know Im wandering into left field here, but Ive been thinking a lot of the mistakes I made innlife were from taking the ultra safe choices... I look back and I see how my fear controlled me a bit and made it so hard to just do what it was I wanted in my heart... this may be a fuck up but there were worse choices on the table, and hopefully it works like its supoosed to.
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2016-06-21 at 3:25 PM UTCIs that an actual picture of you, Malice? Who took it?
Anyway, I left for a while before we could turn notifications off and came back to over 1000 messages in my inbox. It broke my PS4 browser so I started using my phone exclusively. It would take me probably +2h to delete all that shit. That's just not gonna happen and Lanny doesn't care.
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2016-06-21 at 3:29 PM UTCIi'm smoking some kind of syncan blend and I believe it's destroying my guts. I've heard horror stories by hardcore users who got all kinds of shit in their intestines from syncans. I should probably stop smoking them completely. It's just not worth it.
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2016-06-21 at 3:31 PM UTCDaily "I'm fuckin' lonely" post.
Highlight of my day was probably a stranger saying "wow majestic beard dude" to me on the street. Never had a compliment from a stranger before. -
2016-06-21 at 3:36 PM UTCAnother day without substance. Never got any sleep. Full circle in the cycle now.
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2016-06-21 at 3:44 PM UTC
Daily "I'm fuckin' lonely" post.
Cool. When I make eye contact with other bearded dudes the feeling is always a mix of competitive jealousy and a high five.
Highlight of my day was probably a stranger saying "wow majestic beard dude" to me on the street. Never had a compliment from a stranger before.
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2016-06-21 at 3:49 PM UTCYou ever been complimented on your beard? You know girls actually feel mine? I've had 2 different girls run their fingers through it, and I don't even know many girls so that's a lot for me.
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2016-06-21 at 9:13 PM UTCYes, regularely. No touching, though. I'm not around girls my age or younger anymore. Pure fucking hell. Trust me.
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2016-06-22 at 2:57 AM UTC
Question, but when getting prescribed nardil, is there any contradiction eith klonopin and propranolol? I dont ever take kpins, but Id still like the script to sell if I can, and well… propranolol is certianly a good thing for me and my fucked heart- I believe I asked before about that and Im pretty sure there isnt a problem but I dont recall about klonopin
No contraindication with either. Due to GABA-T inhibition, which reduces the breakdown of GABA, it would potentiate anxiolytics if you ever needed a booster. So a script of kpins, if you still needed them (A study found Nardil as effective as Xanax, surprisingly.), may last you 2-4 times as long (I don't know what the actual average potentiation is.).You know, I wanted to ask you something else, Malice, I thought of after smoking a little bud- if you were headed west, coming from the east coast, traveling more along 80, what along the way do you think would interest you to see? Have you ever thought of traveling? I mean, you get a check each month, if it didnt work out to do long term, Im sure youd be able to find another apaprtment with the assistance you get and your crazy check, so youve not got much to lose… is there anything thatd interest you that youd invest time and money to go see? A long while back you made mention of living out of a bus I think, converting it. Some people do take motorhomes, or campers and live out of them, sometimes years at the same rv park and sometimes just bouncing around staying until they are bored. I always thought that was a pretty cool way to live. while itd be great to live in a big nice house… what is it? Its a place to sleep, eat, and spend a little time to unwind… I love going and seeing new things, and especially being in nature and outside. I am one of those people who could sleep under the stars every night (especially tonight, its the summer solsctice and the moon is beautiful and bright and the sky is clear and its pretty cool compared to how its been most nights and during the day) and Ive done a lot of camping. The only thing that gets me camping is sleeping on the hard ground, but without too much expense I had pretty kick ass air matress I would say to this day, besides sleeping on a waterbed, was the most comfortable matress I ever slept on and it lasted me years until my father and grabdmother decided to let their dogs sleep on it (I love my dogs and a regular matress or couch, Im all for them sleeping on with me but not my air matress). I was so sad that fucking thing got a hole in it in a place it couldnt be patched- it had memory foam on top. That is one of my first purchases when I get up there, because no way can my ass handle hard ground with my back the way it is. being stoned as I am, I know Im wandering into left field here, but Ive been thinking a lot of the mistakes I made innlife were from taking the ultra safe choices… I look back and I see how my fear controlled me a bit and made it so hard to just do what it was I wanted in my heart… this may be a fuck up but there were worse choices on the table, and hopefully it works like its supoosed to.
The autistic mentality/thinking style, conscious experience, can be radically different, and in terms of happiness, I can't say that difference is good. Actually, to be clearer, it can make things worse. Think Spock from Star Trek and seeing things in a strictly logical manner, a reductionist mechanical viewpoint. Drain all the meaning from life, the natural driving forces of man, become incredibly alienated. Then there's also the severe anhedonia, blunted affect, etc.
Basically, my ability to enjoy things, experience pleasure, was fucked up to begin with in many ways (emotions, other people evoking emotions in you) and I only made it worse. Some may be able to be reduced to enough where life is at least alright, I wasn't always devoid of pleasure and emotion, fortunately, and it's such an innate part of the human experience, but these are profound neurological, physical, changes that have occurred over a decade of a lifestyle that extremely deviates from what humans evolved for, stretched the chain of evolution to point of asphyxiation, and they aren't going to change soon. Many people don't understand this, that having sex, even having people join together to give you the perfect day, won't change it and you may not feel a thing, and I would hate how that would make them feel or how they might react. This should be viewed closer to needing serious surgery, with a high risk of failure, before having the hope of walking, or brain surgery to remove a tumor that's pressing against the pleasure centers of your brain, making you unable to experience pleasure.
Think of all the traits, the important things, viewpoints, that are what's really important in making a person who they are. Remove any superficiality, appearance, gender, mannerisms, race, voice, things that people aren't aware of how ingrained and intractable they are, how much they affect (Thank you sophie. An insight into the autistic mental process: Recognize error/sub-optimality/potential benefit, create rule-set, relevant situations trigger monitoring/remembrance/focus of mental faculties on refinement, repeat until behavior is ingrained/becomes habit. Although, impact could be used instead of affect in many situations...) them, and reduce communication to pure text on a screen. No one's really special. There are behavioral clusters, patterns (pattern recognition is another mental factor), as well, people tend to cluster into certain groups categories, it isn't simply a roll of the dice for everything. Even PhD.s are largely unremarkable (Brings to mind the saying, "You have to have higher education to be this stupid." Although it only tends to apply to a few fields.) Then there are the limits and flaws of communication.
Without people in the world, many aspies describe them as feeling like just part of the background, natural scenery is simply endless repetition, searching for something (The perfect sight (Cherry blossom?)) you're never going to find, that simply isn't there. Food you aren't interested in, cultures and people you aren't interested or hate (There's immense stupidity in the world. So much irrationality, cultures being destructive to individualism. "Madness is rare in individuals, but in groups, it is the rule." Buildings, most of them ugly, you aren't interested in. Products and services you don't want (I don't own a single decorative or sentimental item, everything is either a necessity, pragmatic, or a tool (not defined as what's traditionally thought of as tools, something to facilitate another function, to create or modify). That's the main reason I haven't gone outside much in years, it just feels like there's nothing out there for me and when I'm reminded of it, it's confirmed, it induces profound melancholy.
Damn, I shouldn't have answered that. I need a limit on negativity. -
2016-06-22 at 3:44 AM UTCThis is fascinating and incredibly valuable information:
http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/86504-4f-mph-best-antidepressant-i-have-ever-tried-to-date-group-buy/?view=findpost&p=779402 [FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px]
Methylphenidate blocks effort-induced depletion of regulatory control in healthy volunteers[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px] [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px][FONT="]A recent wave of studies—over 100 conducted over the last decade—shows that exerting effort at controlling impulses or behavioral tendencies leaves a person depleted and less able to engage in subsequent rounds of regulation. Regulatory depletion is thought to play an important role in everyday problems (e.g., excessive spending, overeating) as well as psychiatric conditions, but its neurophysiological basis is poorly understood. Using a placebo-controlled, double-blind design, we demonstrate that the psychostimulant methylphenidate (commonly known as ‘Ritalin’), a catecholamine reuptake blocker that increases dopamine and norepinephrine at the synaptic cleft, fully blocks effort-induced depletion of regulatory control. Spectral analysis of trial-by-trial reaction times found specificity of methylphenidate effects on regulatory depletion in the slow-4 frequency band. This band is associated with the operation of resting state brain networks that produce mind wandering, raising potential connections between our results and recent brain network-based models of control over attention.[/FONT]
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4206661/
No depletion of will power, subjugating the natural exhaustion that occurs when engaging in efforts outside of pure simplistic/shortsighted hedonic seeking.
Yes, you were right Lanny, there is more to neuroscience for me. It's something I posted before:
"These substances and techniques can be your dials and switches. Drugs loosen the chains of biology. You are no longer bound by the tyranny of the double helix."
"You can do what you want, but you cannot want what you want." "Man is something to be surpassed." Drugs are the closes thing we have at hand. With genetic modification, it will largely benefit the fortunate new man that was engineered, not risen from the genetic roulette.
The wise men of the past taught the overman through knowledge, yet we were still bound by the chain of evolution and could not stray to far, our predispositions, unchosen by us, made the overwhelming majority unsuitable. I bring you the overman, the time when man will move further from what he was born and toward what he chose. Man has been said to have the defining quality of having adapted (changed) his environment to suit himself as oppose to adapting to it (At least consciously, with foresight and to an extent far beyond that of the common animal.). Now man will change man to suit his will, his reason, until the term "man" will mean nothing anymore, except as a relic of the past, as our evolutionary ancestors are to us.[/SIZE][/FONT]
Is that an actual pictureof you, Malice? Who took it?
Anyway, I left for a while before we could turn notifications off and came back to over 1000 messages in my inbox. It broke my PS4 browser so I started using my phone exclusively. It would take me probably +2h to delete all that shit. That's just not gonna happen and Lanny doesn't care.
No, that;s a picture of what may be a genuine Japanese hikikomori. Check the URL, it's from hikkichan. And I was just joking with you.
2+ hours? Dude, how do dopaminergics effect you? Well, speed is much more suited for physical activity due being 50% levo. Did you ever try 2-FMA when it was readily available? My god, that was a functional stim like no other, you could become a productive machine.
Maybe there's already a simple program for this. You'd just need to set it up it to move the pointer and click here, then here, then there, with a time function between clicks.
Oh, what do you know, there are: https://www.google.com/search?q=auto+clicker
Not really surprising. Makes me think, "Shit, how many times could this have been incredibly useful?" Oh fuck, these are for windows, unless you find one for android or are willing to (temporarily) install some version of linux, which may be able to dual boot, if not, backup, wipe, restore. -
2016-06-22 at 4:43 AM UTC
Btw- how is the nardil been doing for you? It seems youve gotten in a depressed rut, but also youve seemed more… empatetic?
My stupid bitch of a psychiatrist took me off it months ago. I thought I had found a cheap source, but those stupid chinks put up the wrong product name (had it tested for free). Fuck her, I was seriously considering switching to a different one and probably should. I'm using Nardil in the meantime. Doesn't give me unbearable anxiety and make me dysfunctional if I take it orally, spread it throughout the day as much as possible, and combine it with pyrazolam.
New rule for choosing a psychiatrist. Ask who the youngest person is, for me I could make up an excuse that due to being autistic I'm easily intimidated and feel safer around younger people. Reasons: A long time ago someone, somewhere, once mentioned that psychiatrists, maybe psychologists (as well) tend to become detached because if they felt the pain of all their patients, even just the worst ones, it would destroy them.
My theory: Average IQ for the profession is around 125 (Around PhD level IIRC), they become jaded overtime because most people simply aren't that interesting or pleasant. In other higher level professions there's assorting, people work with people similar to them, on their level, or who at least have the intelligence to engage in conversations significantly beyond the banality, inanity, and vapidity of the common man. Particularly for those who work in areas where lower income, medi-cal/welfare program, patients are referred to, they see that most people aren't the least bit interesting, their ailment, the cause, what they have to say, their life history. 1-Tells obvious symptoms of depression 2-Diagnoses clinical depression (Yes, I already knew that, that's why I'm here.) 2-Prescribes SRRIs or other generic drugs with low efficacy because they're jacks of all trades, piss poor at all of them. Just look at the size of the DSM and how complex the etiology of most disorders can be, how many competing theories there are. The brain has been referred to as the most complex object in the known universe. And then there are all the drugs. In universities they teach simplifications in introductory classes, and then some jackasses (usually Marxist types) think they've refuted the theories of nobel prize winners as if no one has thought of such an an obvious flaw. Then they're expanded on, and you may even end up finding out that the common perception is nothing like how they actually work.
Then they won't listen to you because the 20 minutes might be over, something far inadequate for your level of severity, which they either don't understand or care about. Time also means you'll always be be strangers and never really know each other, if they even want. Then if you try to have some say they'll judge you on superficial qualities (search costs, signaling, and the usefulness of group differences provide some justification), make assumptions etc. And in part I can't really blame them for becoming accustomed to this because Dunning-Krueger is ubiquitous, people read garbage like Natural News or Mercola, horribly inaccurate and misleading articles written by liberal art major journalist brats who are generally unqualified to write about anything, and think they know something, relative to someone with far higher general intelligence who's been in school for 8 years and had actual experience (usually they just stagnate afterward). Even if you specialize like an Aspie you need to understand the general system because things generally don't function in an isolated enough manner to have a proper understanding, even for a single paper. And you need to learn how to learn. The vast majority don't even know the difference between an observational study or a clinical one and why it matters. No, reading the abstract or skipping ahead to the conclusion is not sufficient. You need ti know how to spot flaws, confounding variables not accounted for (a wide knowledge base, good memory, and strong ability to recognize connections is very beneficial) statistical analysis, even conflicts of interest and which journals are shitty/unreliable. etc.
Then there's the personality, what hierarchical systems, being in positions of authority does to people. Selection biases, certain types of people being drawn to certain occupations (think cops/pigs, politicians). Childish egoism where they can't even handle being challenged or corrected on anything. Make assumptions about your mental state, whether you feel you know more than them, don't respect them/give them the respect they reserve (treat them as someone higher than you, not an equal). Show them a paper and they either don't want to or don't have time to read it, feel offended by you trying to teach them something, as opposed to seeing the sharing of information as a positive thing, "I find this fascinating, do you?".
It becomes methodical, not personal. I'm using the wrong word, but I'm getting tired. Routine. You don't care about people's lives and stories, you identify/mark down symptoms (checklist), diagnose, then it's on to the next one. You may as well be a tablet where people mark down answers. IIRC there was a allegedly finding a while ago, although I didn't confirm it, that people typing their symptoms into google had a more accurate diagnoses rate than diagnosticians. Of course everyone thinks they're the exception. And as machine develops, the gap will only widen, and you know I'd be overjoyed; the more people, hideous fleshjobs, replaced with strictly rational, unbiased, reliable machines the better. -
2016-06-22 at 6:29 AM UTCAs for empathy, that is a behavioral/biological trigger. Read about the evolutionary theory of depression. There are few pure introverts, I'd call them genetic freaks, and (Buddhist) monks are bound to have immense selection biases; even then, there's immense training to be able to endure genuine hermitude, certain qualities that protect them from the negative effects, based on happiness research (A feeling of connection with all humans.living things/the universe/everything, unconditional love/empathy for all, a reduction/dissolution of the ego, possibly one last thing I missed). I've posted about how destructive the effects of social isolation are, unlike anything else. Humans didn't evolve to be alone. Even if introverts are in privacy they're often still part of physical groups (work), part of something larger than themselves, there's a natural sense of security, ignoring those with disorders. Safety in numbers. Recent human evolution has indeed occurred and had drastic effects on populations, with variance, of course, but some of our most primal factors are still there and didn't have much of a reason to be selected out, or at least the forces were much weaker.
You know why I experienced a surge in empathy, feelings of guilt and ruminating thoughts, a desire to reform ties, make amends, apologize? Because your natural drive is to be part of a group, have at least one person, and in the past if you were ostracized from a group, which was practically a death sentence, this behavior was optimal for being reaccepted. Guilt, ruminating thoughts? Think about what you did that led to this and how to fix it. All the others should be clear how they're obvious attempts to fix this.
There's nothing genuine about it at all, and I don't want it. I genuinely wanted to be able to be happy alone, but it doesn't work. It simply attempts to stretch the chain of evolution/biology too far, to a lifestyle too extreme/radically divergent from what we evolved for, and as I've said before, if you're going against eons of evolution you're probably going to lose. I lost. Even with the extreme level of intervention I engaged in, which only kept me in stasis, prevented degradation, or at least reduced severity and slowed down others, it still isn't close to being enough and I don't see anything in the near future that will, except possibly virtual reality, but probably not at its current level (the tech sector moves very quickly, though).
I hate empathy. I at least hate the vicarious experience of negative emotions. I wish I was a psychopath, well, high on the psychopathy scale for some aspects, and if I ever decided to form relationships, could only care about the people, I, uh, decided were worth caring about? Felt some affinity towards. A psychopathic covenant. That isn't enough, though, the vicarious experiencing of emotions is an integral part of many creations, such as films and video games. I don't know, though, it's different for everyone, the screen and real life, and likely for psychopaths as well, but for the fullest experience. Well, technologically we aren't there yet. A sort of control panel for emotions would be cool, I guess.
Oh, and as for rules on choosing psychiatrists, male as well. Some people do actually have great psychiatrists that listen to them, eventually once you've shown your mettle; who trust them to do their research, interpret it properly, and make sound decisions, basically know what you're doing; discuss ideas with them, novel ideas/research, new papers and theories (cutting edge), have intelligent discussions, good personalities, haven't lost their passion, may even have been the type that would have fit into BLTC and would discuss MDMA for autistics and psychedelics for certain types of depression. Why male? Think back to childhood and depictions. If there's a permissive parent, it's generally the "cool dad". Studies have demonstrated women to have much higher levels of anxiety, particularly with regard to their children (To a point of madness by standards, or at least deserving of absolute disgust and showing them for the vessels for their biological imperative they really are) (Good god, their first one in particular). There's also risk aversion, views towards drugs, conformity, critical/novel/original thinking, being far more willing to challenge conventions, politically, when you analyze gender issues, women generally want more control and men less (men are more libertarian) because larger states give them the feeling of security and enable them to transfer resources to themselves for their own selfish desires (Paper proving this: Did Women’s Suffrage Change the Size and Scope of Government?
http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~iversen/PDFfiles/LottKenny.pdf
and showing that giving women the right to vote was one of the most harmful political decisions ever made (They were overwhelmingly the leading force that allowed prohibition to be enacted, by the way. Great way to start things off and practically the only major change they were primarily responsible for enacting.), women still being the most destructive force in modern society.
They tend to be far less rational, more subject to emotional whims etc.
Now, for psychologists, Countblah has stated that women are better at listening, and this may be true, along with understanding emotions. But if you want recommendations or therapies you could engage with them for actual effective and rational solutions to problems as opposed to someone to simply vent to, choose a man.
Look at the ancient philosophers, the great philosophers before the corruption of leftist culture, political correctness, the relatively rapid and massive subjugation of the social psychology through shameful tactics, not to mention, By George, any classes or fields related to gender, and their views on women. Why is that? A product of their times? Is it that men that were willing to suffer, be exiled, even put to death for denouncing beliefs and systems that were among the most entrenched and venerated, who speaking against them was the greatest taboo, of religions, the concept of god, theism in general, morality, nearly every aspect of humanity and human society, could have overlooked something so obvious as alternate theories for their perceptions of the (current) general nature of women, or were they simply seeing things clearly, espousing their views without fear, when they had the freedom to, in the time when some things were seen as common sense because they were and leftist delusion had not created such widespread corruption? Before they became the new fascists of our time?
Even the Marxist philosopher Slavoj recognized political correctness as a more dangerous form of totalitarianism. A modern manifestation of totalitarian social pressures and behavioral control.
If you want an example of poor, poorly thought out and irrational, emotion driven ideas and actions, just look at Hydro and the life it led her to. No, I don't care about what your husband stated, you ultimately had the control and were foolish to believe him and not see or (want to) accept him for who he was. -
2016-06-22 at 9:50 AM UTCLanny, quick question, who are the most misanthropic and pessimistic writers you know of that are worth reading, the top of their subjects? I wonder if I could them a run for their money after years of preparation, study (including the study of writing to improve skills, all skills relevant to the goal, of course), research, writing, refinement. My strength, well, we all likely have certain qualities that we share, but my position and data on the ugliness of biological reality may allow me to supersede them, whether they overlooked/missed the data, it wasn't anywhere near as prevalent and accessible at their time
My hatred of women grows so immense at times I feel on the verge of frenzy. You could argue that anti-natalism justifies involuntary abortion (At early stages this can be as simple as adding a powder to food or drink), possibly even sterilization. Engineering a virus that sterilized women, effectively, spread rapidly (of course you could help this along), difficult enough to counteract that the damage would be immense. There must be viruses or bacteria that have this effect in nature and could be used as blueprints. It would be an accomplishment so beautiful it would bring me to ecstatic tears like those in the stories of people that where allowed to experience the presence of god, his domain.
The mark of the covenant should have been sterilization. For women, the price for original sin having their womb torn out. There is bound to be a feasible method to involuntarily sterilize mass amounts of people. It would be an an act of such immense altruism, it may give peace even to me.
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This is what flmodafinil (best afinil), does to me. At least I'm nice and tired, because I wasn't able to get to the post office in time to pickup the toys I wanted to spend the day playing with.
Ipega 9055 bluetooth controller. Best there currently is for mobile gaming. Quality buttons with the right field, comfort, battery life, comparability, very secure hold, it doesn't feel cheap or flimsy and the ability to hold phones in portrait mode, which is surprisingly uncommon in many models and important to me for DS games (second best selling console of all time), along with the virtual buttons leaving much to be desired and making some games practically unplayable. Also has a traditional D-pad, as opposed to the rounded version which I absolutely despise and IIRC is used because Nintendo had a long standing patent on it (As you will see once more, fuck IP!), oh, it expired in 2005, thank Athena.. No significant lag reported, and a a beautiful design, named The Read Spider. Good android phones make for excellent emulators, particularly for portables. Only $28.50 from a US source: http://www.ebay.com/itm/111889167783
A shocking $20 total from this Amazon source, but only a few left. They have a very high rating, I'd only worry it was an older model. Unless it's a promotion to gain their store more prominence or an algorithm screwed up the price. https://www.amazon.com/IPEGA-Adjustable-Bluetooth-Controller-Multimedia/dp/B01E5HKKDU
And a miccus TX4 apt-x mini bluetooth jack. Low latency, high quality audio. Fucking Qualcomm, it's propriety and it seems no one has found a way to integrate it into systems that didn't license it despite not seeming to be hardware dependent, even with bounties set. Those dicks are bound to have made done this on purpose. Fuck intellectual property, at the very least in the tech sector. Around $38 "used?, which is rather pricey, but the only real solution if you can find an adapter that works with android and attach it with a USB OTG cable. Particularly wanted it because the latency for the DS emulator Drastic (Incredible, even genuinely improves native textures/resolution by multiples, and it actually works! Multiple other handy features/options) using bluetooth earphones is unacceptable, only working on the highest latency setting. For games where low latency sound is of importance, they're unusable.
https://www.amazon.com/Miccus-Mini-jack-TX4-Transmitter-Connections/dp/B00NMPKVQ8
Then one or two days later this hardcore extended battery case, barely used (many don't realize how thick it is, which I prefer because I have manly hands and phones keep becoming more and more ridiculously thin. It wouln't surprise me if a major driving force of this was women's tight pants, those fucking whores. Make them with a high percentage of spandex or attach them externally, you goddamn idiots! Snagged it for only $20 total. Rugged, comes with a holster/kickstand, screen protector, and I'll never have to worry about battery life again. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IMOCZOA
Before all this, the headphones, bought at $50 because wires are hassle depending on your usage. Among the highest rated, very secure fit, the cable looping behind the ear and having a "memory" quality where it retains the position it's paced in, durable, high quality sound, particularly with the must have Viper4Andoid, and an 8 hour battery life.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018RP7X0O
An important thing to understand about Amazon's classification system, which you can read here: https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/custo...43590&pop-up=1
Is that most items listed as new haven't actually been used, they're just "open box", with the unimportant packaging damaged.
I've also been playing around with modifying/custom earbuds. I had many leftover, and the simplest method is to add silicone for a better seal and noise isolation.
Another interesting idea is a product like this: https://www.amazon.com/Radians-CEP00.../dp/B003A28P4I or a similar moldable material that sets: https://www.amazon.com/InstaMorph-Mo.../dp/B004MFLU4Y
This lead me to another interesting possible idea for a project, assembling very high quality earphones for a very low price: https://www.stacydevino.com/2011/03/...er-headphones/
That concludes this guide, and now I feel a sense of incredible emptiness and a deep seated profound lack of satisfaction. This is part of what drove Bateman to kill. The day may come when I will no longer be able to bear contain it.
