I got a story:
WifeDead and I used to work at Crapplebees together. We made friends with this one dude. We called him Tony the Hammer. I was walking one night with some losers to a party and we were going right by his house. So I stopped to see if he wanted to come. A shirtless dude opens the door and tells me he's asleep. No problem and I party all night. On the walk home I stopped by again, only to be answered by a different shirtless dude. WifeDead and I made fun of him and kept asking if we could be invited to his shirtless dude parties. He'd get a little butt hurt and say there are no shirtless dude parties.
Now after work, my place was closer than WifeDeads place and he would stop there and we would drink until he rode his bike home. I would have a fifth of Evan Williams whiskey, WifeDead a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Sometimes our room would be a riot. One time, I drunkenly thought it'd be funny to get two hot chicks to take a picture with us holding a sign that read, "Tony's a faggot" because he never wanted to hang out. Things only escalated from there.
Sometimes the party would just be in my room with 4 or 5 dudes. One night I decided we should take all of our shirts off and send a picture to Tony and claim we're having our own shirtless dude parties and HE'S not invited. This all escalated to sheer faggotry one night.
I had been jogging a bunch and losing weight, felt good with my body and drunkenly talked WifeDead and Poo Bear that we should compare dick sizes. It took a lot of effort to convince these shirtless dudes it was a good idea but I sealed the deal. I lost by a land slide of cock. Poo Bear being the winner I knew what I needed to do. First I tried to hide in the corner and jerk off a bit so I'd get bigger. In a roomful of shirtless dudes that should be easy right?! I was too drunk. Couldn't get a half chub.
The rest of this is only what WifeDead told me years later. Apparently I tried to smash my dick against poo bears, effectively raping him. From what I remember being told I berated this poor bears dick until I felt like a winner. I took on the biggest dick in the room. Only to find out I was the biggest dick all along.
We threw a lot of shirtless dude parties in my room. I alienated friends who brought girls after not seeing them for years, Poast has some Butthole Ladies videos filmed in there, we lifted weights with baby killers, I had my bed in front of the closet long ways and I'd make the joke, "It's perfect if you come out of the closet in my room because it lands right on my bed." It was the straightest, gayest place imaginable.
I found my old phone looking for pictures but they're not on there. I assume WifeDead might have them. If anyone knows where Tony the Hammer is let him know I've been trying to find him.
Here's my old party dog Rowdy:
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