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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-01-26 at 2:57 PM UTCMy car's alternator has gone to shit because the power steering pump has a leak and spewed PS Fluid all over it wtf. maybe i can just get the PS pump rebuilt so i don't have to buy a new one.
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2016-01-26 at 6:30 PM UTC
It's only the 2nd time it's happened, the first was when I was on flubromazolam and I thought it was a safe fart but for some reason a solid poop popped out down my trouser legs. This time it was wet.
Flubromazolam might be the most dangerous available Benzo out there. There have been reported deaths caused by as little as 3mg. It's a hard hitting motherfucker. I'm on it right now. What's also interesting is that Chemicalwire took it off of their site which they usually don't do even if it's out of stock. I only have a few pills left so I hope they restock that shit. -
2016-01-26 at 7:12 PM UTCTell me about it, pretty much this time last year I took about 250, 300 (pills, not mg, I can't remember if they were .25 or .50, .I imagine they were .25) in 3 or 4 days and was walking down the middle of a busy road in the pitch black and snow hoping a car would hit me, and cutting up all my arms at some point over that period. Good times. They are potent as fuck, 2 of them pretty much have me losing control completely, but if I took 2 pills of any other benzo they wouldn't do much. But I've learnt my lesson and try not to touch any benzo these days, they just make me horribly depressed and suicidal.
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2016-01-26 at 7:28 PM UTCLight pink ones? They are 250 micrograms.
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2016-01-26 at 8:23 PM UTCYep those bad boys. When I lived in the hostel apparently I fell asleep outside the kitchen with a knife in my hand and noodles all down me, everyone just ignored me and left me to it.
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2016-01-26 at 9:32 PM UTCReading about schools and programs for the gifted. Oh my god, I needed an entirely different life than what I had! I was robbed! Born in the wrong place, wrong parents, and I only made it worse by going into autistic withdrawal and shutting down.
Fuck, I'm fucked. This completely screwed my development, I didn't even have social experience.
www.google.com/search?q=elementary+school+for+gifted
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2016-01-26 at 9:51 PM UTC*sniff* Seriously, read about some of these schools/programs. I wish I had had intelligent highly educated parents who had a network of similar people, lived in a good neighborhood, people I could relate with, took me out to see the world I missed out on, the world exclusive to the proles.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/20...yFM/story.htmlIn one of the studies, the Vanderbilt researchers matched students who skipped a grade with a control group of similarly smart kids who didn’t. The grade-skippers, it turned out, were 60 percent more likely to earn doctorates or patents and more than twice as likely to get a PhD in science, math, or engineering.
And once again the fucking leftists with their fixation on equity ruin this. I'll target them specifically.
If I get through this (Let's be honest, realistically, almost no chance of happening. Unless genes account for so much of potential cognitive development that not having been in the right environment, really challenged, didn't significantly alter my raw potential. Still, I'm a hollow shell, there's no substitute for actual experience, all the skills I never developed, how other people and experiences allow you to develop, alter your development, development that requires others.).
[SIZE=28px]I'll take revenge on the world. Power and dominion are taken by the will.[/SIZE] -
2016-01-26 at 11:16 PM UTCYou know, low dose alcohol isn't bad. Decided to try it again on a whim after therapist appointment and it's alright. Remember to take NAC beforehand, though, at least for heavy drinking. Prevents hangovers. About 500mg 1 hour beforehand. Hmm, but considering the state I'm in, how neurologically abnormal I am and the effects of over a decade of isolation and depression, how much better would it be if I was healthy?
An idea I've had for making running/HIIT more interesting. Wear a ski mask and carry a bag with dollar signs on the front and back, possibly with an alarm going off inside it (I have some small alarms meant for windows that would do the trick) (This may be taking it too far.)
Your goal is to avoid cops and make it from one location to a safe spot where you can change. -
2016-01-27 at 3:47 AM UTCDoes drinking Evan Williams straight from the liter bottle count as low dose alcohol?
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2016-01-27 at 3:59 AM UTC
Seriously if I didn't have this forum, I'd have no outlet. It's not as if I can tell anyone IRL that I shit myself.
Lol why not? What would happen if you told your friends you shat yourself? My friends would just laugh but be like "its okay man, *shit* happens" and we'd just joke about it. I gave one of my friends LSD a while back and he shat himself on the comeup. Lulz were had. -
2016-01-27 at 4:05 AM UTC
Vyvanse water is such a motherfucking important invention and it needs to be implemented globally immediately. You mix the contents of a vyvanse capsule with water, it has no taste, it has no flavor, and it gets you high! It's just like drinking regular water! Except it gets you high! Scamming a guy with a 15mg mirtizapine tab for spice gave me a somewhat enjoyable night, though it wasn't too strong eaten this time. Some cannabinoids are obviously more orally bioavailable than other brands, unless its going to suddenly kick in hardcore in another hour but I doubt it. I'm glad I know this now anyway Green Giant is a good brand to eat because you can get truly fucked off it. Onset is 20 minutes, effects last 2-3 hours, peak is like smoking but less intense. Eating geeked up incense greatly reduces the potency but extends the duration by an hour or two.
Besides that, I had some kava and alcohol in my body to prevent any anxiety which might have dulled the effets very slightly. I took 236 of bundy the day before yesterday with 100mg of vyvanse, then that night I kick a hole in my wall because my dad wont give me money for cigarettes. I watch august underground high on bundy and speed and it fucks me up mentally, then the next day I threaten to disembowel my parents because they wont let me buy another cigarette. Violent media truly fucks with your mind, but I guess dissociative hallucinogens don't help. Then the same day when I go to the grocery store with my dad, I convince him to buy me a thing of poppy seeds, which I try to make tea out of. He pulls it away from me and pours it out, I throw a comb at him, and I twist my moms arm when she tries to stop me from licking the tea that spilled on the table like that small amount would do anything anyway. I honestly got an effect from it, but I would chalk that up to placebo.
Besides that I've been cracking open nerves mostly in my feet and eyebrows, feet because I don't move very much and eyebrows because I have a relatively blank facial expression most of the time. It's usually pretty easy to do but since high dose fish oil and tumeric ran out, it hasn't been implemented in my regimen and its somewhat more difficult. I almost have to learn how to walk again like I'm someone recovering from a brain injury, which might be the case, because when I was all f. weedicus dustmite sockweed I was probably inhaling lead paint combustion byproducts multiple times a day and demylineating all of my neurons. Oh well! Or it could also be the peripheral neuropathy from the starter fluid of course, which I really want to do again but quite frankly I'm scared.
What else is going on with me? Took the GED readiness assessment, scored 99 on everything except writing, which was 71, but she didn't score my essay, most likely because it was too fuckin' OG, so I'd probably get 99 on that too. Because of that things have been going along with my parents better and my dad bought me beer. I even took like 2 of the subtests stoned. I fuck this hottie that goes to this teen acting club that I visit out of nothing-to-do-ness, I go to college, win WIN win.
What he said -
2016-01-27 at 4:06 AM UTCHey malice, would you please respond to the post about the fleshlight. I need one desperately, I've had this one for over a year and it is looking fucking gnarly. You dont' even wanna see the other side of it. (one side is a vagina as shown and the other side is an asshole. Asshole part is basically unusable atm)
I truly wasn't joke posting earlier man, I'm curious as to what you have to say on the subject. I may not be interested in everything you post, or read it, you can post fucking novels sometimes but I've always found you to be one of the most interesting characters on this website. I don't know if you've done any research on male masturbators/sex toys or have any first hand experience but I'm trying to find the most optimal sex toy within my budget. I've got a 25 dollar amazon gift card I want to use for this (thanks for the fuck toy grandma!) but I'm willing to spend a little more if it's worth it. I just don't want to be dropping like 60 or 70 dollars on name brand fleshlights because yeah, while they may last, I just can't justify spending that much on my dick. If I wanted to spend that much I'd just double it and go get myself an all you can eat buffet of pussy with my lover. -
2016-01-27 at 4:14 AM UTCHonestly, I've never really researched it. Sorry §m£ÂgØL, but my testosterone levels are probably rock bottom:
I wonder if chronic prolonged severe depression and social isolation (near the maximum) are enough to explain why I genuinely have no thoughts of sex throughout the day, sex seems gross and repulsive, don't develop erections, including morning wood, or masturbate anymore, don't even look at or show any interest in attractive women IRL, feel no sexual attraction to them. No, not homo (unfortunately?). I wonder if I may actually have a pituitary gland tumor (one of the common causes of secondary hypogonadism, which I seem to have. Did give her the line about having a recurrent sharp throbbing headache that lasts a few minutes and feels concentrated around the area behind the center of the forehead. Will hopefully get some brainscans and blood panels.
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2016-01-27 at 7:20 PM UTCYou've dabbled with increasing your test levels through exercise and such right? How'd you feel when you were exercising regularly? I know thats probably only a drop in the bucket in your case but if you felt better you might consider getting some of dat dere TRT. More testosterone is a more effective antidepressant than any SSRI, in men any ways.
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2016-01-27 at 9:57 PM UTCThis is true. Are you still exercising malice? You look fit in all yo pictures. I plan to start running again once it warms up or maybe just when I'm out of withdrawals. Achy bones and windy cold don't mix very well. I felt A LOT better when I'd start my morning with eggs, a run and a shower. Somehow, I had more energy.
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2016-01-27 at 10:03 PM UTC
Tell me about it, pretty much this time last year I took about 250, 300 (pills, not mg, I can't remember if they were .25 or .50, .I imagine they were .25) in 3 or 4 days and was walking down the middle of a busy road in the pitch black and snow hoping a car would hit me, and cutting up all my arms at some point over that period. Good times. They are potent as fuck, 2 of them pretty much have me losing control completely, but if I took 2 pills of any other benzo they wouldn't do much. But I've learnt my lesson and try not to touch any benzo these days, they just make me horribly depressed and suicidal.
Jesus fucking christ, you were cutting your arms in the middle of the road?! -
2016-01-28 at 1 AM UTC1.) They removed his fear and inhibitions, the will to live and avoid harm naturally being the strongest and most innate, and allowed his strong suicidal desire to manifest into action.
2.) Had the suspicion, but I decided to do a search after the thought popped up in my mind and it seems Bryan Caplan (anarcho-capitalist econ professor I strongly identify with, we seem to share a similar thinking style and worldview) is indeed probably a strong aspie. Also led me to this, which I like:In large part, I think of cynicism as the view that the average quality of human beings and the world is a lot lower than it could and ought to be.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.†― George Carlin
“Scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist — someone who made the mistake of converting his ideals into expectations.†― Peter M. Senge
“Cynics are - beneath it all - only idealists with awkwardly high standards.†― Alain de Botton
3.) An idea I've had: If Nardil (along with NSI-189) works effectively, I could add in valproic acid to restore neuroplasticity to a juvenile state and for therapy devote my days to wandering SF and engaging in conversation with the street people, homeless, travelers, junkies. Claw my way from over a decade of social isolation, even prior to that no real social experience outside of school, to at least having mediocre conversational skills.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X
It's a system. Even if I lack the intuitive, fake it until you make it, use your raw analytical prowess like you have before to analyze human behavior and optimize yours. Be friendly, ask people about themselves. Many simply want someone willing to listen, you can compliment them, offer them advice, seem genuinely interested in their lives and problems. Maybe even offer them a joint or something, a few bucks (you can my change, not much, all I have). -
2016-01-28 at 1:08 AM UTCAlso, it really sucks to accept you're just a failed incredibly maladjusted and socially isolated autist who should have received therapy, support, and guidance early on, needed an entirely different life than what they had, who's been in a cycle of depression and isolation for over a decade, made repeated bad decisions, didn't know how to navigate life and live life as a human being, essentially had a problem with being human, has practically been a hikikomori the last few years and in a particularly vicious length of this cycle of isolation and depression, finally succumbed to a mental breakdown and came to terms with everything, and is probably never going to make it.
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2016-01-28 at 1:33 AM UTCDoing some more reading. Yep, my suspicions/observations were right, there definitely seems to be a strong correlation with autistic traits/being on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and right-libertarianism/anarcho-capitalism. Reading about Tyler Cowen and autism is pretty interesting.
It's the ones that had the right environment, made the right choices, utilized and found an outlet for their strengths and interests, that ended up succeeding. For the average aspie, comparatively extremely high unemployment, depression, and suicide rates. -
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