2019-05-29 at 4:53 AM UTC
I dont mean to interrupt your guyses smart conversation but I almost jumped in front of a train and I get why train deaths happen, maybe? We have a train track that is right in the heart of downtown where everyone is drinking so it's really easy to get drunk and sad and wait for the train . I am surprised it doesnt happen more here. It's easy and sure fire. I was with Shannon so I didnt do it but if I was alone I might have but whatever.
Also, i said hi to the guy in the caboose even though he probably djdmt hear me. Thst was a thing we talked about (what do you call the guy who is in the caboose of a train) Haha
2019-05-29 at 4:57 AM UTC
I'm unloading my drunk thoughts.
These bands sound like each other
Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots
And this other cluster: deftones vs ten years
2019-05-29 at 5:03 AM UTC
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Originally posted by mmQ
I dont mean to interrupt your guyses smart conversation but I almost jumped in front of a train and I get why train deaths happen, maybe? We have a train track that is right in the heart of downtown where everyone is drinking so it's really easy to get drunk and sad and wait for the train . I am surprised it doesnt happen more here. It's easy and sure fire. I was with Shannon so I didnt do it but if I was alone I might have but whatever.
Also, i said hi to the guy in the caboose even though he probably djdmt hear me. Thst was a thing we talked about (what do you call the guy who is in the caboose of a train) Haha
why did you feel the urge to jump? I get the urge to crash into the other lane at least once a day and worry if one day I'll be driving by and see someone I don't like and impulsively whack em. Don't jump in front of a train though mmq, jump in front of a wood chipper fargo style
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2019-05-29 at 5:06 AM UTC
Ok. I dont see many wood chippers but next time I do I will jump in front of it.
Also here is the ten dollar chair I scored.
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2019-05-29 at 5:12 AM UTC
Make it 11 and you got yourself a deal.
2019-05-29 at 6:03 AM UTC
This has been one of the craziest 3 day benders of my life. The chair at the auction is one small detail. I xant even begin to describe all the shit that has happened (and is happeninf) lol. I'm at the bar now making fun of people singing karaoke even though they're awesome
Talking to a gay guy named Tim
2019-05-29 at 6:59 AM UTC
Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III
tell tom i said whats up
*tim
He left. He kept touching my knee because i was flirting with him because I'm flirty. I like gay people they're really fun to hang out with.
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2019-05-29 at 8:36 AM UTC
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2019-05-29 at 12:38 PM UTC
I'm thinking NA might not be my thing, but I'm going to try to hang in there- bc I know a ton about addiction but not so much about sobriety. But my sponsor seems to be doing well and it's worked super well for him. And I u derstand that a huge part of the hole you fill with drugs is like....a spiritual lacking. But 1) I'm an atheist and the idea of "surrendering to God" is fucking weird. I understand that it's supposed to mean something else, but I just don't believe that throwing my hands up and allowing the Universe or whatever to just "mold" me into a better person is going to work. That's what I did with heroin. "Whatever happens happens, and I'm powerless to do anything about that". That's exactly why I wasted 13 years. Passivity. I need to learn not to hand over control, but to fight intelligently. That Bruce lee shit...channel that energy. Exist in the flow. Adapt.
Maybe I don't understand. And I'm reluctant to mention this to my sponsor bc he already thinks the things I'm writing are trying to sound impressive and Intellectual (I'm absolutely not that's just how the writing comes from my head), and I also don't want to seem combative. And bc I'm on methadone which I don't consider sober, but I do consider it a necessary step at least for me- to legit sobriety.
And anyone who's been in tinybltc knows drinking isn't my thing- like at all. I can count the number of times I've been seriously drunk in there on two hands. And I only drink like twice or 3 times a year. For me, drinking especially with new acquaintance she is kind of a bonding ritual. The same when we all go to my friends grave every July 24th and take a shot of Irish whiskey. I get that it's a minor thing and they'd probably understand, and it's not like I'd feel pressured...but just those little quiet moments and rituals...I'd still like to be able to take part in that without being like "I REALLY SHOULDNT BE HERE GUYS RESPECT MY SOBRIETY IM KINDA TRIGGER RITE NOW TBH". Apparently as long as I plan on ever drinking again, I can't go past step 3 bc I haven't "surrendered fully".
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just want to be fucking normal. I don't want to be one of these mopey faggots. Feels like a cult sometimes. I just want something good to pour myself into that I can feel complete and proud, and I want to wake up in ten years and have to be reminded I was a junkie. I want to take my prescribed medication and improve my health and smoke weed every couple of weeks when my back pain or depression get really bad....without feeling super guilty about it, or like I've got this deep shameful secret like there's a dead hooker under my floorboards.
I hate all this shit.
And then I told him about the weird customer guy at my word who keeps writing these awful "pilots" for different shows he's created. There's one about an "android/ genetic modification babby" . There's one about global warming. There's one about an Alien jedi comedian. There's one about a robot who runs for president. A game show where the contestants try to beat addiction . And just generally it's awful. So I mention I had to run myself off an extra copy to read at home bc it was so hilarious. And he starts "Well did he give you permission to do that?" And in my head I'm just like "fuuuuuuck me". I'm kind of a dick. That's my thing. I'm just as critical of myself as I am of everyone else. I get that this dudes wife died and now he spends his time shitting out awful screenplays. But it's still hilarious. And I don't see anything wrong with having a chuckle, as long as he doesn't get hurt as a result.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just a dick. But I don't ever want to have a stick that far up my ass unless it's a condition of me cumming in someone's throat afterwards.
Idk.ugh.
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