2018-07-13 at 12:57 AM UTC
Ajax
African Astronaut
[rumor the placative aphakia]
I don’t drink a lot. So when I do, I feel it. Like right now, as I’m on a business trip (by myself, how I like it), I’ve had two 20 oz beers and I’ve got a little buzz going.
This isn’t my absolute best drunk story. I’ve posted it before, where I was at a concert and I tried to piss into an empty beer bottle and it sprayed onto the chick in front of me and I jetted. This is more tame. I’ve only been hung over twice in my life. Here is one of those times.
I went on a motorcycle trip with my step dad. It was cool, probably one of the best bonding times we had together, no homo. There was a bar and grill attached to this hotel we were staying at. We ran up like a $100 tab between the two of us with most of it being alcohol (some appetizers, gotta keep it classy). So I ended up somehow getting our waiter’s number who was a dude who was supposed to come party with us in our room, whatever that means. I ended up passing out before I could call him. After finishing up at the bar and grill, at which we stayed for like an hour after they closed, but he wanted that tip (no homo), we went back and had some harder stuff. My step dad is Italian and he’s used to putting it away, but not me. It didn’t take much, but my room was spinning. And I mean spinning. My eyeballs must have been bouncing up and down faster than Jenna Jameson when she pounded that dude’s... anyway. So, boring part is I get acid reflux sometimes, especially after overindulging in beer. I woke up in the middle of the night, eyeballs still bouncing like tits, and I had to go puke. I tried to stand up and I fall over and make a big thud. I opt to crawl to the porcelain throne. Sparing the knitty gritty details, I wake up the next day and I have raw knees (the top of my knees, not like I’m polishing a knob you sick fucks). Turns out, I dragged my drunk ass crawling on the floor like a low tolerance toddler and had to pray all night. Ever since that night, I’m not sure what happened to our waiter whose number I got, but my step dad now endearing refers to me as... carpet burn.
Corporate expense accounts are fun.
2018-07-13 at 3:27 AM UTC
You totally blacked out and let that waiter ass fuck you in your room. It happened.
2018-07-13 at 4:06 AM UTC
this one time I got drunk.
2018-07-13 at 4:53 AM UTC
Ensign Galm
African Astronaut
[specifically erupt this tetrachloromethane]
When I was younger I got drunk and smoked a joint in an abandoned gymnasium. It was so quiet and spacey in there.
2018-07-13 at 11:41 PM UTC
Cootehill
African Astronaut
[my unsymmetrically blurry oregano]
Last night I took a 10mg valium and a bottle of brandy, and apparently decided to take my convertible for a drive.
The clutch failed, and I had to walk home barefoot and ask for a tow back home.
I remember the car not going and the pain of walking home on the stones.
2018-07-14 at 3:02 AM UTC
A long time ago I was out with some of my friends or so I thought and I drank quite a bit of liquor. We ended up going back to somebody's house and started smoking some weed. I took one hit and about five minutes later I felt very strange. I opened the front door and I stepped outside for a moment and that's the last thing I remember. Apparently I passed out and I fell down a flight of stairs. I woke up the next day in my house with bruising from the top of my head to my toes. I seriously can't believe that I'm alive the fall was pretty bad.
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