Originally posted by infinityshock
'really shiny'
fuck if i know. it doesnt say on the invoice anywhere.
so it went like this :
without conducting any research, taking any measurement, or having any background in metallurgy or civil engineering, you conjured up one of the most extreme condition imaginable for a pipe to exist and function in ...
before setting out on one of the most epic quest ever undertaken by the race of men since 1421 ; a quest that will take you thru all corners of florida, shove you into every nooks and crannies on it, and push you to the brink of insanity and suicide ...
and after having scoured and sifted thru hundreds of hardware store, of old and new, of big, MNC owned and small, mom-and-pop variety, of jedi and non-jedi run, in your epic, inter-floridan quest,
you finally came to this little, nondescript, decrepit hardware store at the edge of the civilization, walked in, approached the first sales advisor that you saw, who had a very pronounced hook nose that you were oblivious to becos you were blinded by your sense of urgency and desperation ...
where upon you recounted to, part of your partially eggxaggerated, overtly over dramatized epic, adventure filled quest to locate an elusive piece of hardware. you also confided in him, of your not-so-secret secret fetishes for stainless steel and your desire to be THE proud owner of a certain length of stainless steel pipe, of about 2'' in diameter, of ''indestructible'' grade becos it would have to function in conditions that are similar to those found in the bodies of water found on the planet venus.
as you braced yourself for yet another disappointment for the Nth time as you anticipated his answer to be in the negative, youre shocked and taken aback with your eyebrows pulled way up and eyes popped when he began to praise his jedi gott and his various jedi deities. becos
'' lucky for you '', he exclaimed, hes got
'' eggzactly what your looking for ... ''
'' EGG. FUCKING. ZACTLY. ''
these words alone caused a wave of precum to surge from your already enlarged prostate all the way to the tip of your old, wrinkled head (dome).
but theres more :
forged and annealed by over a dozen elves for 49 days and 49 nites from the metals of 7 different meteorites that landed between 700 million and 7 billion years ago in 7 different provinces of the middle earth on the foot of Mt.Doom with the fires and heat of its lava and under the watchful eye and technical supervision of Sauron ...
its the hardest, the most indestructible pipe known to men, elves, orcs and talking trees from both the middle and and outer earth and that the only reason youre lucky enough to have feasted your eyes upon it was becos some legolas had smuggled it out of middle earth to the outer earth in exchange for bootloads of large, meff-amphetamine shards, K2 spices, bath salts, and syncans.
and now he said, now, it can be yours with just an easy payment of either
$89.55, for 12 months,
or
$55.95 for 24 months,
or
$39.99. for 36 months.
being the jedi that you are, the choice was simple and straight forward ; make them take the longest possible to get all your money.
'' $39.99 '' you barked while trying your best to mask your shudder. of joy. it was at around that time that you felt really good and all warm and fuzzy in your crotch.
YEASS, you came, and your cock, balls and asshole were all wallowing in your own semen. and the only thing that stood in the way between you and absolute humiliation and a new nickname as Mr. Spontaneous Ejaculation was your tactical adult diaper. it managed to contain almost all of the yogurt-ty stuff from seeping out, leaving only the pungent stench of cum and they were oozing out from the neck hole of your shirt. but cum stenches are music to your nose. so its all good.
youre a little disappointed when the hook nosed sales advisor explained that he couldnt put the metal code or the description of the pipe you bought onto the invoice becos he couldnt read or write lothorian (or whatever they call legolas language) and also becos elven steel is on the State Departments import and export restriction list.
but you take comfort in knowing that you are the only one in the whole wide world whose pipe was made in the middle earth while everyone else had theirs made in middle kingdom. you knew this as a fact becos the hook nosed sales advisor assured you of this.
does this sums up your magic stainless steel pipe acquisition process ???
