A letter to the spider I squashed yesterday

1. 2017-10-22 at 1:28 AM UTC

   #1
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   Or was it Thursday? Either way dear, I feel great remorse over your death. You were but an innocent she-pholcidae, and not one of those opilione imposters. A true spider, through and through.
   
   I had watched you for about a week prior, and thought you to be of no harm. Indeed, I even enjoyed watching you grow and flourish. I watched when you wrapped your first little gnat, and I watched as you built a web in the space between my desk and wall. You are beautiful brown beast.
   
   Or at least you were. I cannot know if you will ever get this letter. The skeptic in me fears that you won't. But in the off chance that there is an afterlife, I just wanted you to know that I am sorry for killing you and your babies. The waterbottle which I used to kill your family is still stained with the memory of your passing, and it seems as if no amount of washings can undo this.
   
   So, my dear pholcidae, I wish you the best in whatever you enjoyed of this life and the next. But if you or your offspring come near my desk and I again, no matter the form, I will not hesitate to squash you like the arachnid you are. I say this in the nicest of ways, and want only for you to come back when the weather is warm, and the flies are plentiful, for I cannot tolerate your leggy presence in the lack of pestilent flight-bugs.
   
   With love,
   
   Alfredo.
2. 2017-10-22 at 1:30 AM UTC

   #2
   

   Panthrax Tuskegee Airman
   
3. 2017-10-22 at 1:31 AM UTC

   #3
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   No more pasta mama, it's making me too fat!
4. 2017-10-22 at 1:35 AM UTC

   #4
   

   LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
   https://niggasin.space/thread/14157?p=2#post-211249
   
   https://niggasin.space/thread/16407
5. 2017-10-22 at 1:37 AM UTC

   #5
   

   bling bling Dark Matter
   i seen a spider on my sshoe this is a message to u that my cat woud eat u if he coud see u
6. 2017-10-22 at 1:58 AM UTC

   #6
   

   NARCassist gollums fat coach
   Lysol is still doing well btw
   
   
   
   .
7. 2017-10-22 at 3:22 AM UTC

   #7
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole

   Originally posted by NARCassist Lysol is still doing well btw
   
   
   
   .

   
   Fuck that nigger. He stole my Air Jordans.
8. 2017-10-22 at 12:45 PM UTC

   #8
   

   NARCassist gollums fat coach

   Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 Fuck that nigger. He stole my Air Jordans.

   
   which ones were yours? he had like 4 pairs of them when he got here
   
   
   
   .
9. 2017-10-22 at 5:28 PM UTC

   #9
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   The blue ones with black laces. He got them for my birthday :(
10. 2017-10-22 at 8:46 PM UTC

    #10
    

    Number13 African Astronaut [dispute my snotty-nosed seagull]
    Fuck spiders, they leave me alone and I leave them alone but come in to my shit and I'll fuck them up.
11. 2017-10-23 at 2:24 AM UTC

    #11
    

    NARCassist gollums fat coach

    Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 The blue ones with black laces. He got them for my birthday :(

    
    oh no he chucked them coz they were shit. he only had two pair of green ones and a yellow pair and these white reebok classics when he got here.
    
    
    
    .
12. 2017-10-23 at 3:03 AM UTC

    #12
    The Self Taught Man Black Hole
    OH.
    
    Oh.
13. 2017-11-17 at 12:29 AM UTC

    #13
    

    SHARP Yung Blood
    Well, if it was a Pholcus phalangioides there's no harm done, they're all over the place, and where I live they're actually an invasive species, so they should be fucked over royally at every opportunity given.
    
    But otherwise be nice to spiders.:)
14. 2017-11-17 at 4:24 AM UTC

    #14
    

    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Write a song about it