2020-03-28 at 12:03 AM UTC
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2020-03-29 at 4:42 PM UTC
This place reeks of boiled chicken and over-salted tomatoes. It was a dive alright, that was the point. HQ had sent me this on rush order. "5746 Main, we got two spots that wanna do a feature. Let us know what you find." Yeah i'll let you know you sons of bitches... I'll let you know exactly where the poison hits me.
The owner comes out covered in olive juice and pepper slime. I hide my disgust for him as best i can but fuck me if some of it doesn't slip through. "You must be..." He starts. "Guy Fieri" I finish his sentence. "Yeah Guy Fiere." no No NO NO. It' s GUY... FIERi. The man looks at me how i imagine Pancho's Pilot looked when Jesus told him He was the son of God. I can barely handle these idiots. It's all part of the job. "Look, let's get three things clear right off the bat." I say to the man. "One, i'm not your friend. You wanna talk to me? You wanna grovel at my feet? You wanna suckle at my teet? Fuck off, i'm here to do a fucking job and that's it. Two, i'm not gonna eat your shitty food. I'll put it in my mouth for the cameras but i will need a toilet at the ready to puke into as soon as we stop rolling. And three... Well three ain't non of your fucking business." There's that Pancho's Pilot look again. This dumb motherfucker is just asking to get his teeth kicked in. But he won't. Guy Fieri doesn't do that anymore.
The shoot comes and goes and i'm in my hotel room puking my brains out, trying to get rid of any trace of the horror show i had eaten four hours prior. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My fat, naked body covers the entire wall. I disgust myself. I can't even find my belly button in the sea of disgusting folds that make up the landscape of my terrifying, pudding-like exterior. I wasn't always this way... I used to be a God. I used to fuck like a lion. I used to catch prey at a thousand miles an hour. I used to control the fire in the skies. Guy Fieri, King of the Night. Guy Fieri, master of id. Now? Now i can't even get an erection without watching two hours of food porn first.
Next week on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Watch as Guy Fieri kills himself choking on a lamb shake that's been marinated in Nacho Cheese, watch, as no one cares. Guy Fieri king of nothing. Guy Fieri, master of shit.
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2020-03-29 at 5:22 PM UTC
Just some creative writing to pass the time.
2020-03-29 at 5:27 PM UTC
I find it on my own just fine lol
2020-03-29 at 5:27 PM UTC
Originally posted by Nonce
CP???
NO
Fucking kill yourself pedo
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2020-03-29 at 5:28 PM UTC
Nevermind im not sharing any porn anymore wariat ruined it
2020-03-29 at 5:29 PM UTC
GAWD WARIAT!!!
Ruins everything!!!
2020-03-30 at 12:07 AM UTC
Don't do roids guize. I'll be making my own milk by the time this plague blows over.
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