2016-12-31 at 10:21 PM UTC
in
Better shits and pisses
I don't many crazy stories these days. So this is just my little part to contributing to this utopian cesspool. :)
Your mom?
Sorry, it's the best I had. But seriously I haven't found a way to post pics or videos here. Maybe I'm just retarded, like Malice claims, but I would like to do that.
2016-12-31 at 9 PM UTC
in
Better shits and pisses
One night, I got home at like 3am from work. I had a few drinks, so I got the munchies and a ate a shit ton of ice cream. I have a little problem with dairy and I felt like I had to take a shit, but I was taking my roommate to work in a few hours, so I figured I could hold. We woke me up, and was running late, and it was a little more urgent, but his job was like 5 minutes away, so once again, I figured I could hold it. I dropped him off at work, Subway, and I almost went in, but I was sure I could make it home. A couple blocks up, I knew that wasn't going to happen but the only place that was open was the Walmart around the corner. I was moments away from launch time, and I knew the time it would take to drive there, park, run into the store and the bathroom was physically impossible. So I pulled into Auto Zone in the next drive, went around back to the dumpster and just let loose a cascade of diarrhea. Wiped myself off with my shirt, threw it in the garbage, and fled the scene of the crime. I feel bad for the guy that had to open that morning.
2016-12-31 at 6:33 PM UTC
in
Better shits and pisses
No more dingleberries. No more pee stains on your pants. Few, free simple tips.
Urination
The first one is easy. Sit down when you pee. I don't get what's so many about splashing piss on your thighs, but fuck society on this one. After you're done, shake, like you normally would, but notice there's still a little drop of pee or on your cock? Take a piece of toilet paper and dab til dry.
Shitting
A little more too it than pissing. The first step is to trim the hairs around your gooch. Don't shave, because the stubble will itch growing back. This will help ensure less poo will cling to body and hair. Next, lean forward when you start pushing out the turd. This while guide your anus to a smoother and cleaner evacuation. And the lastly, make sure all of your shit is in the toilet bowl (those that haven't been courtesy flushed.) If you have keep to wiping, you're not done.
Oh, and never trust a fart.
Post last edited by Semiazas at 2016-12-31T19:53:10.704617+00:00
2016-12-31 at 6:12 PM UTC
in
How bad are your teeth?
Don't drink coffee, soda, or smoke anything. Not so great at brushing my teeth at night, which I know is gross. Trying to make it a good habit. Didn't have a cavity until I was 20. I haven't been to a dentist in a while, so I'm sure I at least on more. They're very straight save for one tooth that is a little crooked. I have two different chipped teeth from basketball, but they're not noticeable.
2016-12-31 at 4:09 PM UTC
in
Darknet Ordering
SR is back up, right? Back in the day I would browse, but I never saved up enough money to buy bit torrents. I've heard, that at least before they got raided, a few years back, that they had a high customer satisfaction rate.
I can't think of anything...hmmm.
2016-12-13 at 3:27 PM UTC
in
FUCK JEFF HUNTER
Fuck, whatever Zok's real name is.
You're back. For good? Part time?
What was the dude from, possible mafia guy, really nice, long, dark hair? Had a story about helping this homeless hooker and letting her take a shower in his house and leaving his gun with her so she would feel safe, and then gave her a huge wad of case.
That should more than enough. Anyway, other than that, psyc, 888 RadicalApex, and I have a soft spot for §m£ÂgØL.
2016-12-12 at 3:01 PM UTC
in
The fast and the furiost 8
They drive subs in the arctic. I just said that with a straight face.
Post last edited by Semiazas at 2016-12-31T19:42:56.067121+00:00
