Originally posted by Bipolar High Roller
My patient called the cops on me for petit theft. They found no evidence of theft so I was supposed to just get a trespass warning. The popos came and searched my person, my car and my work bag. They found an expired script of tramadol that I was actually prescribed. I wasn't on probation at the time, the first case was under way, I was out on bond.
She was on a different level of crazy than I was. I don't want to talk shit about her, she's just doing her thing and I'm doing mine. I'm over the junkie girlfriend thing, that was a bad idea from the get go.
I'm really trying not to use drugs on probation, but I'm so fucking depressed. I can't blame drugs on my fuckups, that's on me. My life as I knew it is over for good. I wasted $120,000 on a degree that is gone because I thought I could responsibly use drugs. I am either all in or stone sober, there is no middle ground for me.
I keep getting the idea that everything's gonna come crashing down on me before I complete my vagina probe. There's been way too many close calls and I'm only stable by taking 500+ pills a month as prescribed.
My life is ostensibly so much better sober but I gravitate back to depravity naturally and don't really have a support system, or maybe I just feel like I haven't done enough research yet.
I'm glad to be back in the boonies for a spell, and I was able to talk shop and learn some valuable things about my eyes, which are slowly improving for now. The chillest girl ever, whom dated one of my best friends, popped up out of nowhere with a "problem" that she's "curing" right where I got "fixed" and she lives here now and I have a perfect entry point to catch up and talk for hours about our common affliction that makes us gyrate as such, so SWIM is nervous/excited about that..
It's very complicated with how ridiculously bad my image is that I projected on social media blacked out on zars for years but I really have nothing to lose asking her to a sewing circle. Sweetest, cutest lil slutbag (she told me that in person, and she also dated a girl for a while lol), not trashy at all...
just FUCK I fucking hate myself so much for being literally retarded for so long so publicly and ruining my image forever to everyone who knows me, and somehow gotta figure out how to swallow my embarrassment and pretend like that won't follow me around the entire time if she's even willing to see me, which is a coinflip on St. Patrick's Day. I gotta trudge through that shit anyway though and chill out and get her to open up to me like she used to.. but with no smarties or candy bars this time. No drugs to fuck it up, gotta do it sober. I done a good job at chilling the fuck out this year but I got my work cut out for me still. For moral support, I really do need some molestings in the bootyhole by any goddamn one of you I guess.
except ยงmยฃรgรL
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