Originally posted by CASPER
You could be right. I certainly dont know her at all, but then again you all know me only from what i say on here, so i could be completely leaving out any of the dirt someone would find objectionable. Shes clearly fucked up an an addict and some kind of mentally ill, and if everything youre saying was true, who's to say how she would be as a normal, healthy, sober person? Its hard to say. And when someone has put you through serious misery like that, its often really tempting to look back and believe that theyre just an awful person. It feels easier to believe that, rather than you just happened to have them stumble into your life for just long enough to fuck your life up…but that"really theyre decent deep down". Idk. Its hard to make an honest appraisal of someone when theyre fucked up like that.
Ive stolen jedielry from my mom and gone through her purse for $10 for dope.
Ive broken into houses
Ive sold drugs to mothers with their kid in the car, when id cut them off and told them i wouldnt sell to them if they ever brought their kid again.
I walked away from a meth house were the children were filthy, unwashed, eating handfuls of dirt in a filthy oversized Barney t-shirt, and I didnt call CPS because i didnt want to get anyone in trouble.
Ive sold guns, knowing full well someone might be hurt. I remember one batch I was selling- I was like "If youre going to go kill someone with this shit, im not going to sell them to you. Its for self defense, because i trust you to not be a shitbag." And he just said "No its cool. We just gonna take them home to Mexico." And i needed that money so badly, in my head that seemed like a reasonable explanation. Mexico. No one is going to be hurt. Just taking them to the desert. To Mexico.
Now that Im clean(er), I acknowledge how fucked up that was. I acknowledge that people might not be alive bc of what I enabled. I feel like Im a decent person deep down…but what does that action say about me as a person?
Idk. You could be right. But the shit ive seen and the shit ive done and the fucking gauntlet ive been through…ive met very few genuinely bad people. Mostly Ive met a lot of fucked up, sad people who dont know how to deal with life or deal with adversity, and who just want the pain to stop for a little while- no matter the cost.
Hydro has been doing crazy shit since she was young. I don't think getting sober would change her very much. And either way, being on drugs is not an excuse for shitty behavior.
Originally posted by CASPER
And dude. Shes always been cool to you, afaik (maybe im wrong). I dont necessarily "buy into" a lot of stuff regarding gender identification or pronouns n shit like that. But if someone youve known for years goes out of their way to hack their balls off and make major life changes, then I feel like the least i can do is- if nothing else- just not fuck with them constantly. I feel like a gigantic faggot for even having to say this. But of all the people here- shes probably one of the easiest-going.
I don't actually have any strong feelings about the gender thing, and keep it up solely to perpetuate the friendly air of hostility that this community of ours has been historically known for. I said it in another thread, but IRL I would just not use any gender pronouns. I don't really see the difference between what I'm doing and what other users do to me and others. I mean, I've never seen you stand up for me when people called me a spic. Not that I expect or want that, but it's the same trolly shit.
Besides HTS loves the abuse.
