i feel it bromo im retarded as fuck too. i just try to numb out and wallow lol
Today is gonna be the day that I'm gonna come back to you I know, I did a little blow and I never wrote back to you My love, I wanna give it all to you Baby I just wanna ball with you I could see the air was coming near the way I do about you now
Change my name Shave my head Tell my friends that I'm dead Run away from the pain Yesterday is not today
The fact you think you have to "inflate" yourself to compete with others is the problem, additionally the problem that you even feel the need to compete.
If you had an intrinsic belief that you are better than everyone else these needy problems wouldn't exist. Myself for example, I never feel the need to compete with Americans no more than I feel the need to compete with cockroaches…there is no competition.
that's stupid, you definitely have competition. i'm fairly confident in my intelligence and looks but that doesn't mean there aren't a million other mother fuckers out there who are smarter, better looking, and not autistic. you're basically saying "delude yourself into thinking you're the best" which is actually exactly the behavior i outlined in step 1
Originally posted by Technologist
Why are those your only strategies? I bet there’s a more productive one, like something you excel at, that you can do independently. You should feel confident in your strengths.
because i'm an autistic tweaker junkie whose parents didn't know what they were doing. and yes i know. that's the problem.
1. i inflate my ego so that i put myself in competition with those around me. this usually leads to me excelling beyond what other people are able/willing to do but then i just get a huge ego and it also makes everything kind of pointless because really i don't give a shit about myself
2. take so many drugs i don't care about anything which leads to death
i've experienced it a couple times now from getting myself totally strung out and sober again and from the other side i can clearly see how the addiction (more of an obsession than an addiction, really) deceives you into becoming totally worthless. at first when you start tweaking, things are awesome and have much more meaning. whatever thing it is you get into, music, sex, making money, it's going to be exceptionally awesome to such a degree that it will start to totally occupy your mind and you become obsessed with it. you stop paying attention to the things you used to care about, which feels awesome and even progressive while you're on the stimulants because it's like you're finding enjoyment in all sorts of things you never have before.
then eventually the side effects of the stimulants start to overtake the euphoria and usefulness. the obsessions that you have while high start to become less and less awesome, but you don't want to believe that you have to quit so you keep going until you reach a point where you cannot deny it anymore and you need to quit (or you just suffer in misery).
then you realize that all the things you had interest in while stimmed are actually worthless (they always had been) and that all of the shit that you brushed off while high is no longer around for you. the people, the opportunities have all moved on without you while you were obsessing over gardening and 1 porn video for 8 hours at a time and trance music. and you're stuck with the prospect of building an entire life from scratch while you fight through the post stimulant depression and also just the depression of having nothing left.
and then you have to just do it blindly hoping meaning will come eventually and that you'll be able to assimilate back into some form of passable normalcy and never do stimulants again
