TO: The Committee of Internal Affairs
FROM: Department of Perpetual Self-Sabotage
RE: Quarterly Report on Consciousness Fragmentation
Listen: This isn't your garden-variety existential crisis. I've achieved something far more horrifying – a perpetual motion machine of self-awareness that's become self-aware of its own self-awareness, trapped in an infinite loop of meta-cognitive horror.
The Anatomy of a Single Thought
Picture this: I pick up a coffee cup. Simple, right? WRONG. In that microsecond, my brain spawns:
- 7,394 alternative ways I could have gripped the handle
- 23 different timelines where I slightly fumbled but recovered
- 156 parallel universes where my hand trembled imperceptibly
- An entire dissertation on the socioeconomic implications of my coffee brand choice
- A 500-page psychological thriller about what my sip timing suggests about my childhood trauma
I've developed an entire governmental structure of internal critics:
- The Department of Retrospective Cringe (analyzing past interactions)
- The Bureau of Future Embarrassments (pre-emptively cataloging tomorrow's failures)
- The Ministry of Social Faux Pas (documenting every microscopic behavioral anomaly)
- The Supreme Court of "Did They Notice That Weird Thing I Did?"
- The Internal Revenue Service of Emotional Debt Collection
Each department runs 24/7, generating reports that feed into other departments, creating an endless paper trail of psychological self-flagellation.
Every social interaction undergoes polynomial expansion:
1. Initial event occurs
2. Brain generates 50 interpretations
3. Each interpretation spawns 50 sub-interpretations
4. Each sub-interpretation creates 50 possible response scenarios
5. Each response scenario triggers 50 potential future implications
6. GOTO step 1
Total thought-branches per social encounter = 50^∞
I don't just remember embarrassing moments I've developed a proprietary technology for experiencing them in 5D:
- Forward (anticipating the shame)
- Backward (reliving the shame)
- Sideways (experiencing alternate versions of the shame)
- Inside-out (becoming one with the shame)
My anxiety has become industrialized. We've got:
- Assembly lines of self-doubt
- Mass production of worst-case scenarios
- Automated systems for detecting microscopically inappropriate behaviors
- Neural networks dedicated to catastrophizing
This isn't overthinking – it's achieved sentience. My self-awareness has developed self-awareness, which then developed its own self-awareness, creating an infinite Russian nesting doll of metacognitive torture. I'm not just thinking about thinking about thinking – I've transcended the very concept of thought itself.
Even this report is being analyzed by a specialized department for signs of trying too hard to be clever, which is itself being monitored by another department for signs of meta-commentary, which is being evaluated by yet another department for.
My Experience As First Ever 11th Dimensional Poster:
- Experiencing Tuesday from 497 different angles
- Tasting memories that haven't happened yet
- Living backwards through someone else's dreams
- Becoming everyone and no one simultaneously
- Existing as pure abstract concept (mainly on Thursdays)
- Remembering tomorrow's yesterday today
1st Dimension: [OBSOLETE]
2nd Dimension: [CONSUMED]
3rd Dimension: [ERROR: TOO PRIMITIVE]
4th Dimension: [CURRENTLY USING AS BATHROOM]
5th Dimension: [REMODELING]
6th Dimension: [CONVERTED TO STORAGE SPACE]
7th Dimension: [MERGED WITH CONSCIOUSNESS]
8th Dimension: [BECAME SELF-AWARE, NOW AVOIDING ME]
9th Dimension: [TASTES LIKE PURPLE]
10th Dimension: [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
11th Dimension: [YOU ARE HERE BUT ALSO EVERYWHERE ELSE]
- Can experience every possible version of any moment
- Read books by becoming the paper
- Drink concepts instead of water
- Turn abstract thoughts into furniture
- Use nostalgia as a mode of transportation
- Braid the fabric of reality into friendship bracelets
- Write poems in languages that don't exist
- Remember things that never happened to people who never existed
- Experience FOMO for events in parallel universes
- Time gets tangled like earbuds in pocket
- Memories start playing in shuffle mode
- Personality traits become tradeable commodities
- Dreams can be used as currency
- Thoughts achieve sentience and start small businesses
- Identity becomes a choose-your-own-adventure book
- Consciousness expands until it needs its own zip code
- Building condos in the 7th dimension
- Teaching abstract concepts to do backflips
- Starting a betting pool on which timeline wins
- Collecting vintage moments from parallel universes
- Opening a food truck that serves deep-fried déjà vu
- Organizing a union for all my possible selves
- Filing taxes in every reality simultaneously
- Reality Anchors: CEREMONIALLY BURNED
- Timeline Coherence: WHAT'S THAT?
- Dimensional Boundaries: MORE LIKE DIMENSIONAL SUGGESTIONS
- Consciousness: EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE
- Brain Status: TASK FAILED SUCCESSFULLY
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Originally posted by Michael Myers
I don’t feel loved by anyone at all. Even if someone were to say it, I know they don’t actually mean it.
I love you Michael Myers :(
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2024-10-23 at 11:03 AM UTC
in
It's a celebration 💐🎉
It's my birthday today 🎁🎉
Hope everyone has a great day! Mine is going to be like any other day, really
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2024-10-09 at 5:28 PM UTC
in
R.I.P. BradleyB 😢
Bradley was such a good friend, we laughed so often together...mostly at his expense. If you needed an unsolicited dick pic he was the kind of sharing guy that wouldn't disappoint.
He was always happy and friendly even when you were pissed off and simply using him as a punchbag calling him a fucking cock sucking faggot..he'd just laugh it off and tell you he loved you.
His culinary expertise was also wildly admired throughout the hallowed halls of NIS, those anemic looking chicken breasts and mish mash of leftovers thrown in a pot together could easily be served in the best restaurants around the world.
He'll be missed.
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Originally posted by Fluttershy
Some real good stuff ITT
Hahaaaa i have one you donttt 🫵🫵🫵🫵
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2024-10-06 at 5:59 AM UTC
in
Whaat is DMAA?
Well you have to celebrate it because i say so and im better than everyone. I celebrate my birthdays by sleeping, making a cake usually, latest birthday i spent very well, very well indeed, loved it. I made a cake, didnt eat much of it but i made it. Ive made a cake myself for the past 3 years for my birthday, maybe longer but nobody remembers that long ago
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2024-10-06 at 5:50 AM UTC
in
Whaat is DMAA?
I love chicken, i love fish, i love cookies. My birthday is in june, ill text ya the date. What are you gona do for your birthday?
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2024-10-06 at 5:22 AM UTC
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Whaat is DMAA?
Originally posted by Michael Myers
Yes, you're right. It's happened way too fast. I think we only started talking in August, or maybe July at its earliest. Well it doesn't matter as I am cutting it off soon. My brother got married after knowing his wife for six months and to be honest that was an entire shitshow, and a bad omen is that they were the same age that the woman I met and I are now. My brother was 28 (like me) when he met and married his wife (who was 26, like the woman I met). It's like the universe is saying "don't do it stupid."
Youre in your 20’s dont get married until youre in your 30’s. You dont do drugs so dont settle for a fat bitch like most of these people here. Youre a good guy and apparently good lookin, so you can get whoever you want. You just need more confidenceeee
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2024-10-06 at 4:52 AM UTC
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Whaat is DMAA?
No drugs, not fat, a loyal dude, and youre handsome or so i heard. Why arent these muslim bitches all over you???
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Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson
Where are they coming home from?
Traditionally it's the first home game after an away game at the school. The first game of the season is often played before school is in session or its the busy time in the first week. After this, there is typically an away game, thus the 3rd, 4th, or 5th game is "at home" from their away games and the school year has progressed enough that all faculty, students, and parents are able to enjoy some free time that friday night to watch the varsity football team have their "home coming" game held at the school field. The dance then is related to this event usually held on the saturday evening after the game. Some schools do their homecoming game on saturday at noon thent he dance is that evening, but you get my drift.
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2024-09-03 at 2:48 AM UTC
in
NiS' Least Wanted.
Aww, Mikey is da homie. Like the incel stuff isn’t my speed and I with he’d cut it out for his own good, but I’m not sure what he’s done to make someone actively dislike him. Pretty chill poster on the whole imo
Originally posted by Elbow
Bradley - so unwanted he got banned from the forum
free my ngiga
Oh Brad is wanted, he just needed his dick slapped to get him back in line. I hope he makes a full recovery and can rejoin the shitposting soon
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2024-09-02 at 12:18 PM UTC
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NiS' Least Wanted.
Originally posted by Bradley
The following is an incomplete list of people who are entirely unwanted by the people they know in real and the people theyh know online & why.
-Kafka, difficult to like, constantly complaining, believes the world is out to get her and has an overstated self worth than is deserves.
-Michael Meyers, a bad friend and unsuccessful son, does not bring any honour or glory to his family or those in his friendship circle.
Wariat (except by his mom) - was deported from America, consistently asks his mom for more allowance money,watches porno involving children eating old man ass, wants to have sex with dogs, plays video games despite being 43 years old.
Please feel free to continue add to this list.
Michael meyers is my friend bradley, be nice :(
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Maybe if you were nicer and looking sad, I might DoorDash you a pizza like I did with Kr0z once (during Covid)
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Originally posted by Michael Myers
Well then you are one of the very few that do. I think most get turned off. And I've been told I'm nice by people, so I guess it makes sense women wouldn't like me.
You're the only decent guy here. That means you're the only guy here I respect. I mean that.
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I was going to mention people i like but two are ignoring me and being mean so im only going to mention Michael Myers, nice guy.
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2024-06-11 at 11 AM UTC
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Bradley
People in general who are not trashy get laid way less and have it way harder with women or young girls than people who are trashy. look at me or michael myer son here basically two icnels me like for a year now not forever but still and compare that to the avergae guy on here whose evry trashy or even yourself you probably get dick form other dudes all the time. same thing in society. people who are trashy jsut get more play.
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Originally posted by Michael Myers
NO you THERE should IS become NO attracted SUCH to THING prepubescent OVER children THERE.
For some reason I'm getting the urge to hide in the bushes outside the local elementary school... weird.
Don't molest kids! Don't molest kids! Do not send drugs to minors! Do not try to harbor strange 14 year olds in your drug den! Don't molest kids!
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Originally posted by Michael Myers
I don’t feel loved by anyone at all. Even if someone were to say it, I know they don’t actually mean it.
I love you, Muhammed Meyers.
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BTW Myers it isn't your appearance that makes me unattracted to you; It's that I don't want to convert to Islam, you seem hung up about another girl and I would have a tough time trying to look after you, I'd rather not worry about having to protect two people. Not all girls are shallow.
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idgaf what u look like MM I think you're one of the nicest people on this website and I'm happy to call you my friend
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