Home Companion.
First Release: June 1st 1989
(Canada Day...what a country!)
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The Anarchist's Home Companion.
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Table Of Contents:
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I An Introduction to the Anarchial Arts. Pg. 3
II The Tools of the Arts................. Pg. 4
III Mild Anarchism........................ Pg. 5
IV Anarchy for Amusement................. Pg. 6
V Anarchy for Profit.................... Pg. 8
VI Havoc and Hell........................ Pg. 10
VII The Black Arts........................ Pg. 12
VIII Theft:................................ Pg. 13
A Single Party Theft.............. Pg. 14
B Multiple-Party Theft............ Pg. 15
C Other Forms of Theft............ Pg. 16
IX Destruction:.......................... Pg. 19
A Home Made Weapons............... Pg. 21
B Interesting Ideas............... Pg. 22
C The Fun Part.................... Pg. 23
X Deception............................. Pg. 24
XI Sub-Forms............................. Pg. 25
XII Weapons and Explosives:............... Pg. 26
A Home-Made Explosives............ Pg. 27
B Chemical Explosives............. Pg. 39
XIII General Anarchy....................... Pg. 41
XIV More Easy Gadgets..................... Pg. 43
XV Complex Explosives:................... Pg. 50
A Common "Weak" Explosives........ Pg. 51
B Thermite Reactions.............. Pg. 53
C Nitrogen-Containing High Exp.... Pg. 54
D Other Stuff..................... Pg. 56
XVI Stars, Flares, and Color Mixtures..... Pg. 57
XVII The Chemistry of Pyrotechnics......... Pg. 64
Note Sheets........................... Pg. 70
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Chapter One: An Introduction to the Anarchial Arts
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First off, I guess I must allot for those of you who don't know what I mean
when I say Anarchy. (ALWAYS capitalize that word...don't forget!) Well, maybe
I should start off with a definition..
Anarchy: <`an-ahr-kee>...noun. 1. A social structure without law
and order, government, or authority. 2. Utter confusion.
3. A rebellion against what's accepted as right or correct.
Ya...right outta Webster's own, there. Well, I HOPE that you got some
idea as to what I'm talking about from that. If not, toss this out...it
isn't for you. Done? Okay. Now that only the REAL people of the world are
here, we may commence the study of the perfection of this art, and examine
some of the newer developments and state-of-the-art achievements in this
religious pastime.
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Chapter Two: The Tools of the Arts
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Explosives - A personal favorite. As everybody knows, there are many,
many, files floating 'round out there on this topic.
I have seen docs and plans for everything from the
front axle car bomb to the exploding ball-point pen.
So, you should have no trouble with this section...
Flammables - Gasoline, hairspray, ANYTHING that burns enthusiastically
classifies. However, with the availability of gasoline,
and the relative inexpensivity, (now .68/gal!), this most
often becomes the chosen fluid. Attain some, and I'll
tell you what to do with it later...
Projectiles - Yes, even the most basic of prehistoric weaponry can be
the Anarchist's best friend. Everything from rocks to
eggs to your little brother classifies, anything that can
be used to damage or destroy when thrown will do...
however, due to the relative inexpensiveness and
availability of rocks leads to their wide usage...
Instability - C'mon, let's not be silly. Every Anarchist is so BECAUSE
of an inherent mental imbalance. A true Anarchist is a
psychopathic Anarchist. This REALLY comes in handy when
preparing for a "run", for to an Anarchist, quite simply,
the mad, the impossible, isn't. This is sometimes
referred to by Anarchists as "guts" or "balls"...
Transportation - (Preferably motorized... be real). Or, in many cases, a
flock of such. A mandatory requirement for a successful
authoritative attack, for true Anarchists don't get
caught at the scene...
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Chapter Three: Mild Anarchism
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As much as people would like to deny it, prank calls, yes, prank calls
are a form of what could be known as "pre-Anarchy". It can even be found in
The Specter's infamous satire of the loser, "Anarchy for the PreAdolescent",
under "Major Devilment for the American Youngster." Face it, EVERYBODY
as made prank calls once in a while for entertainment, and we still do, yet
now it's more for profit than for amusement. Even the universally-
despised jokes, phrases, and clauses told to preteens by their visiting
grandparents such as, "Excuse me, but is your refrigerator running?" and,
"Is there a John in the house?" are heard from time to time spewing forth
from the mouths of giggling infants into the phone receiver into your hateful
ear. It's unavoidable. Yet they do successfully annoy you, therefore, in
essence, completing SOME form of mild anarchy. Face it, like it or not,
these little jerks are the future freaks and Anarchists of America...
More inventive forms of this nature include ringing doorbells and
running, putting a modem on auto-redial at an enemy's home, letting air out
of your neighbor's tires, and selling fake raffle tickets...(100% profit!)
Yet, we must move on...
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Chapter Four: Anarchy for Amusement
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Yes, Anarchy CAN be an entertainment outlet for a slow Saturday
night! Just get a couple friends together, grab some brew, and you're off
to wreak unholy havoc upon society! But what to do first? Hmm, you consult
your ever- ready "Anarchist's Handbook," and espy the chapter, "Fun
Through Blatant Destruction of Property!" Aha. That's the one, but how?
Well...
A. Spray Paint - Fun stuff! Sure, why not, for no reason at all, just
go out and paint "@#$% You!" all over everything in
sight, or maybe the infamous Anarchy sign, an encircled
"A" everywhere? Why not, YOU won't have to clean up
that mess? Hey! Why not paint "Can't Drive 55" signs
all up and down Interstate 75 like on Sammy Hagar's
album? A warning, though. Park OFF of the InterState,
like in a parking lot on a nearby road. That way, when
the pigs see you, you've got plenty of time to scramble
to the car and get away. Also, paint can be "picked up"
quite easily from any drug store or hardware store, or,
if you're not "into shoplifting," it's relatively cheap.
A movie's about $4.50, a can of paint's $1.75 or so, I
don't know, haven't BOUGHT any in quite some time.. But
in any case, it's cheap entertainment. Not even a new
flick can get your heart racing like a cop chase can.
B. Destruction - Where are those bricks I threw back here?!? Hmm, maybe
one or two would look good in Ms. Johnson's living room?
Sure, the colors match beautifully! But, aw shucks, the
door's shut. No need to bother the sweet old bitch, we
will just have to put them there ourselves...but how? A
window -- perfect. Just toss 'em in there! I'm sure
she'd like to thank you for your good day, but the Good
Book says that we shouldn't do something for the thanks
that we receive, but just out of the goodness of our
heart...so, get out of there before she sees you and
tries to thank you personally it's the "good thing".
C. An Invasion - (of privacy, that is!) Blackmail material, possibly? I
wonder... Grab your ever-handy beige boxes! A swift
kick to the bottom of the phone box should cause it to
open freely. alliGAYtor clips, do your stuff.. But if
you'd prefer continual results, simply plant a "bug"
in their house when you're there, like under the kitchen
table, and, can't forget, under the bed... There are
literally hundreds of plans circulating for the quick-
'n-easy construction and usage of this homemade hardware
also, don't gripe if you can't find any, 'cause if you
can't, then you just haven't been looking!
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Chapter Five: Anarchy for Profit
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Financial gain is the goal, social disruption is the route. No, I'm
not talking about becoming a "hit-man" for the mob or anything, just some
clean fun, and a little profit on the side. Sure, you could use step "C"
above for blackmail and information hostage purposes, but let's be a little
inventive, that's been being done for YEARS..
No, you can't say that making people pay "protection money" is
inventive. G'zus, it's on the "A-Team" every week, for chrissakes! Let's
think.. Watch we make money by calling with MCI, Metro, and Sprint, but,
that's not outright collection of payment, that's...well, that's more
like SAVING money, like clipping coupons in the newspaper, if you
will...you get what you want for a lower price than usual. We need money,
and we need it NOW! Maybe if you're.. "into" this stuff..<ahem>..you could
possibly CREATE an imaginary employee at some company deep within the
bowels of the conglomerate computer? Maybe send his paychecks to a
mysterious P.O. Box? Sure, why the hell not? Hey, this P.O. Box stuff
sounds good. I wonder...
Visa...MasterCard...American Express...Diner's Club...K-Mart
Credit Cards! Sure, goods on credit! It's the AMERICAN way, after all, isn't
it? Why not do some late-night trashing? G'z..you'll have to miss David
Letterman!?! Just go up to the video store, (Highland's the easiest:
they've a "no-questions-asked" return policy), and "buy" a VCR. (I'm sure
you can get ahold of your mummy's credit card for an hour or so to do a little
shopping..). Next stop, Radio Shack. Waltz inside like you're some rich
preppie/yuppie with all the money in the world, and he won't notice the
holes in your faded jeans, he'll think that they're "in." Sunglasses
always work best, for some reason, rich people tend to wear 'em a lot. (Why
not slip a pack of ten'a dem cheap-ass Tandy disks into your jacket as
long's you're there? Don't worry...alltheir "security systems" are
Tandy-Made, so they always work like crap anyhow..) Yes, sir, I'd like to
buy THAT model. Yes, that's right, the TX156-34YI38Ejr. Yes, I think
that'll be all. Here's my card. I'll sign...okie. Thank YOU, sir.
(After all, you need some toons for tonight's trashing..) Now, return your
mummy's card, and, as soon'z it's dark, we're off! (But don't forget to
return the box and the VCR after tonight, you can buy them on somebody else's
card tomorrow! Or else mommie'll get mad...)
Try to locate an "everything store," like K-Mart or Major's. These places
are the most open, the most disorganized. 9 times out of 10 there will be
a couple large trash bins behind the store. Whatever they try to tell you,
they most often will NOT lock these, because that's the job of the stock
boy, and he's most often more concerned with Jenny, the salesclerk in
Electronics to bother once he's off work. Most of their stock boys are about
16 or 17, so as long as they're NORMAL teen-agers, they'll do as little as
possible to keep from being fired. Why lock the bins, sir, who would want
to go in THERE?!? I would.. EVERYTHING they have goes in there. The
salesclerks are SUPPOSED to rip the carbons in half, but we know how often
they REALLY do that. Even when they do, it's no problem getting the name,
number, and anything else you may need for card identification off of a
ripped carbon, they usually stick to each other anyhow.. Get one kid to keep
watch, and everybody else go fishing for anything...computer access codes,
(good luck at K-Mart!), telephone numbers, credit check phone numbers, but,
most of all, look for card carbons! These will provide you with a limitless
source of TV-Ad goodies and mail-order stuff.. This search should take
anywhere from :30 min to all night, depending on cop surveillance. Fill
suitcases and travel bags with anything that looks important, you can
sort it all out at home.. (This is one good thing about K-Mart, there's no
produce section..no rotting food to sift through..)
Got it all? Now, just flip on a local station, or MTV, or whatever, and,
before you can say "I Love Ma Bell," you'll run across 9 or 10 million ads for
stuff like "Ronco 'In the Shell' Egg Scramblers" and "ACME Nosehair Clippers"
and the like..write down the phone number for the company that makes whatever
product you could want, and give them your name, (off of the card, stupid!),
and your card number..and presto! In 4 to 6 weeks, you've got your own brand
new set of Ronco Party Circumcisers..free of charge. (YOU try to say "I Love
Ma Bell"...*I* can't!) Another good idea is to cruse over to the 7-11 and,once
you've gotten your Slurpee, buy a lot of mail-order magazines, (ie. Ninja
Magazines, etc.) They've got a lot of card order forms and phone numbers..
But, don't forget! NEVER SEND THE GOODS TO YOUR HOME! That's the PERFECT
loser thing to do.. Always find a "drop point," like a vacant house which is
for sale, or a P.O. Box. You cannot be traced back through either method...
Have fun...
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Chapter Six: Havoc and Hell
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Just what you've been waiting for, I knew it. Well, there are SO
many different forms of Anarchial aggression that it would be impossible to
even TRY to list them all. New and inventive methods of destruction are being
conjured up every day, so I'll just try to give a brief overview. First off,
I'd like to state that you don't HAVE to be a stoner or a headbanger to be an
Anarchist, you don't even have to drink alcohol. You can be perfectly NORMAL
and...well, I guess if you didn't do any of that you wouldn't be normal,
would you? Anyhow, you can be perfectly NORM..er..ODD..and still be an
Anarchist at heart you don't have to be into blatant destruction, you don't
even have to like heavy metal music...but it helps. Who knows, maybe you
just like to replace normal light bulbs with gasoline-filled ones? Maybe
you just, for some reason, enjoy running down little kiddies.. YOU can't help
it. So, if you can't help it, pursue it. Become the best hit-and-run
artist on your block! Maybe even in the whole county! Modify your
vehicle to your interests and mount a kangaroo bar on the front of your
Ford Bronco or S-15, so that the people you run over slide more easily
under your car...maybe even put a window in the floor so you can see
who you just helplessly maimed? Ms. Johnson? Oh- hello...did you enjoy
the bricks? You did? That's good. If they convulse, you did it right.
A good way to make a great start on a successful career as another one
of "those 'Anarchial @#$holes'" is to try drowning the neighbor's cat in
their pool. Hmm, knowing how much cats hate water, we'll have to try to find
a way around their fears...see how thoughtful Anarchists have to be? I
think that it's a very good training for future life myself.. Hmm, howzabout
the infamous TV favorite, "cement shoes?" Perfect. But how to get the cat
into cement? Ah- replace the kitty litter with cement and spike the cat's
water with something like the cyanide found in many medicines. It's barely
perceptible, so the catill get blitzed off of its ass and then go to the
kitty litter, and get stuck inside.. Cats make a LOT of noise when they
realize that they've been trapped, so act quickly before suspicions arise..
Slip the cement out of the bin, (don't forget to use "no-stick" PAM
before!), with the cat stuck by all four
