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How the FUCK do you use semicolons?

  1. #1
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Seriously, it's been bothering me. I never use semicolons. I've gone through 30 years of life relying on hyphens, awkwardly placed periods, and overusing commas to compensate for this crippling deficiency of mine. About twice a year I say to myself "No. Fuck this, we're using a semicolon this time." and then I spend the next two days second-guessing myself. What the fuck are semicolons? Whose idea was that? And how the FUCK am I supposed to be using them? I've probably looked this up like 10 times and I still don't really know. Maybe I'll just never know. Maybe this is just arcane knowledge that is fated to always be beyond my ken. I don't know. I don't know how to use semicolons. Fuck.

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  2. #2
    Incessant Yung Blood
    Idk when you have lots of stuff to put together in a sentence you do one sentence and then semicolon and then another sentence with a phrase at the beginning comma and then the second sentence. Right?

    The cat was meowing loudly; although the night was continuing on, no one knew if it was appropriate to leave due to the cacophony of kitty screams.
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  3. #3
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    I think I made a thread once talking about how everyone other than me is too stupid to know how to use a semi-colon. Its really not complicated. ;please die !
  4. #4
    Originally posted by mmQ I think I made a thread once talking about how everyone other than me is too stupid to know how to use a semi-colon. Its really not complicated. ;please die !

    I think that thread had a joke in it somewhere; something about someone not having a complete colon in some time.
  5. #5
    A College Professor victim of incest [your moreover breastless limestone]
    i didnt read any of this thread wut so ever lol but you just press the key thats to the right of the L key

    lol ill come back and read this thread later
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  6. #6
    Quick Mix Ready African Astronaut
    ;. TL;DR


    We had a quake today; Shelter in place.
  7. #7
    They don't have a semicolon in Canadian English anyway, HTS. What for are you trying to use it?
  8. #8
    Nile Tuskegee Airman
    I still don't even know wat an Oxford comma is
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  9. #9
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Nile I still don't even know wat an Oxford comma is

    No Oxford comma: "Cars, houses, busses and trains."
    Oxford comma: "Cars, houses, busses, and trains."

    Still haven't figured out what the fuck semicolons are for, but that one is pretty straightforward.
  10. #10
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Misguided Russian They don't have a semicolon in Canadian English anyway, HTS. What for are you trying to use it?

    I'm not trying to use it at the moment, it's just that the crushing weight of not using it for 30 years is driving me a bit insane. It's an important tool of the English language, a key component of good grammatical construction, and I have completely failed time and again to internalize its proper usage. I sincerely feel like I've been spiritually blinded to its function; like if I ever come close to comprehending its usage some fucking demon plucks the knowledge from my head.
  11. #11
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    use it to replace the word 'therefore'
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  12. #12
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by aldra use it to replace the word 'therefore'

    But "therefore" makes me sound smart.
  13. #13
    Originally posted by Meikai But "therefore" makes me sound smart.

    You look even smarter if you use heretofore and hencemore
  14. #14
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by I Live In Your Crawlspace Secretly4 You look even smarter if you use heretofore and hencemore

    Whenceforth hast thou derivest this knowledge? Heretofore I shall speake properly, using the wordiest of my verbiage and vocabulary.
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  15. #15
    Originally posted by Meikai Whenceforth hast thou derivest this knowledge? Heretofore I shall speake properly, using the wordiest of my verbiage and vocabulary.
    Weeel gont, the air of my posterior hath hoisted itself from it's righteous perch, indubidably. I hath discovered hence knowledge judging by the impressed glances of my compatriots when I doth speak that way, witherto me.
  16. #16
    Originally posted by Meikai I'm not trying to use it at the moment, it's just that the crushing weight of not using it for 30 years is driving me a bit insane. It's an important tool of the English language, a key component of good grammatical construction, and I have completely failed time and again to internalize its proper usage. I sincerely feel like I've been spiritually blinded to its function; like if I ever come close to comprehending its usage some fucking demon plucks the knowledge from my head.

    What for you care? I bet you don't really. You live in the west. There are opportunities for you to get education, however useful or useless. I bet that you can get some education for free if you just contact your local community college or equivalent, where you could take an English class and learn about the language and its usage.

    What do you do, anyway? I honestly wonder. Do you work, stay at home all day, how do you make money, etc. Genuinely curious.
  17. #17
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Misguided Russian What for you care? I bet you don't really. You live in the west. There are opportunities for you to get education, however useful or useless. I bet that you can get some education for free if you just contact your local community college or equivalent, where you could take an English class and learn about the language and its usage.

    What do you do, anyway? I honestly wonder. Do you work, stay at home all day, how do you make money, etc. Genuinely curious.

    I could go to school, but school means being around people and having to keep to a schedule. Same with employment. Responsibilities. I don't handle those well. Plus, I'm 30 now. A bit late. I'd say I'm like Malice in a lot of ways. Whatever's wrong with me, I've always been a bit "off". It's shaped my entire life irrevocably in much the same way (and to much the same ends) as Malice's diagnosed autism shaped his. Never had friends, never liked school, worked a handful of jobs but never for more than a month or two (usually considerably less than that). I'd be considered a tragic figure by most. I don't see myself as one though, particularly, so I'm probably not going to board the bus. A different outcome ultimately, but much the same otherwise. Either a tragic figure, or terminally lazy depending on how charitable the observer is.

    I slipped through the cracks of a society that functions perfectly well without me, and that's fine. I may have even squeezed myself through a few of those cracks. If there was ever a place for me in society I don't know what it was. If there's something other than what I'm doing that I was meant to do, it eludes me. As for what that is - what I'm "doing"? I'm a disability mooching NEET. If I could master the secret art of the semicolon I might be able to get work writing for people who need things written, but alas...
  18. #18
    Originally posted by Meikai I could go to school, but school means being around people and having to keep to a schedule. Same with employment. Responsibilities. I don't handle those well. Plus, I'm 30 now. A bit late. I'd say I'm like Malice in a lot of ways. Whatever's wrong with me, I've always been a bit "off". It's shaped my entire life irrevocably in much the same way (and to much the same ends) as Malice's diagnosed autism shaped his. Never had friends, never liked school, worked a handful of jobs but never for more than a month or two (usually considerably less than that). I'd be considered a tragic figure by most. I don't see myself as one though, particularly, so I'm probably not going to board the bus. A different outcome ultimately, but much the same otherwise. Either a tragic figure, or terminally lazy depending on how charitable the observer is.

    I slipped through the cracks of a society that functions perfectly well without me, and that's fine. I may have even squeezed myself through a few of those cracks. If there was ever a place for me in society I don't know what it was. If there's something other than what I'm doing that I was meant to do, it eludes me. As for what that is - what I'm "doing"? I'm a disability mooching NEET. If I could master the secret art of the semicolon I might be able to get work writing for people who need things written, but alas…

    There is probably some sort of grant/assistance that you could take advantage of to get some free schooling. All school was online since last summer anyway, no need to go anywhere. Online courses are a thing, too. You should try taking a class, it could be something fun to do; sit on the bus, look at various people, meet a nice palestinian refugee girl in class, impress her with your modified custom nutsack, etc.
  19. #19
    Ghost Black Hole
    you have absolutely no self;awareness at all do you OP ;3c
  20. #20
    Meikai African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Misguided Russian There is probably some sort of grant/assistance that you could take advantage of to get some free schooling. All school was online since last summer anyway, no need to go anywhere. Online courses are a thing, too. You should try taking a class, it could be something fun to do; sit on the bus, look at various people, meet a nice palestinian refugee girl in class, impress her with your modified custom nutsack, etc.

    I have a loving boyfriend so no need to impress Palestinian girls with the sick mods my genitals have received. Maybe I could take some classes, but to what end? The semicolon will not avail itself to me, no matter the schooling I receive. I have already been schooled in these arts and still the semicolon defies all reason.
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