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How are you coping with the death of Douglas Monks?

  1. #1
    WellHung Black Hole
    Folks, he seemed like the type of guy with whom you would want to share bunks.
  2. #2
    Bradley African Astronaut
    that's pretty gay, i'm starting a gofundme to help raise moneey to offset the funeral costs i'm facing due to the 5/8 eFuneral
  3. #3
    It was a bit surprising really.

    If he could have a "redo" I doubt he'd do it again...without knowing the details of how he did it or why I feel it was more of a shortsighted opportunist moment, a moment of madness rather than planned/thought out event.

    Always wait till the next morning and things will look better/clearer etc.
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  4. #4
    WellHung Black Hole
    Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson It was a bit surprising really.

    If he could have a "redo" I doubt he'd do it again…without knowing the details of how he did it or why I feel it was more of a shortsighted opportunist moment, a moment of madness rather than planned/thought out event.

    Always wait till the next morning and things will look better/clearer etc.

    Excellent perspective. Thanks for the information, also, i hadn't been informed of the nature of his death. I'm also quite surprised he committed suicide...he always spoke out against it here on NIS.
  5. #5
    Bradley African Astronaut
    I'm considering this drug complications more than a suicide regardless of the factors that led to his death.

    He heard voices, he was using meth, he was too spun, he's dead.

    Call it what you want.
  6. #6
    Originally posted by Bradley I'm considering this drug complications more than a suicide regardless of the factors that led to his death.

    He heard voices, he was using meth, he was too spun, he's dead.

    Call it what you want.

    Would APD have listed it as suicide if they were not sure about that? I'd assume they'd be very "sensitive" to the family by not listing it as suicide if it could have been accidental death/overdose...Death by misadventure whatever they call it
  7. #7
    WellHung Black Hole
    folx?
  8. #8
    Bradley African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson Would APD have listed it as suicide if they were not sure about that? I'd assume they'd be very "sensitive" to the family by not listing it as suicide if it could have been accidental death/overdose…Death by misadventure whatever they call it

    i know the nature of his death it was a suicide.
  9. #9
    Originally posted by Bradley I'm considering this drug complications more than a suicide

    Scratches head.
  10. #10
    Robert Mugabe African Astronaut
    A nonce charge would have changed any anti suicider. I find the last bit disturbing but he never talked about that shit nor advocated it which makes me think it wasn't noncery.
  11. #11
    I doubt it, even if he had been charged with it, it would be months before it went to trail etc.

    I doubt anyone would off themselves a couple of days after the initial "charge" without at least seeing where the charges were going first.

    ..well unless you were caught red handed and knew you were guilty.
  12. #12
    chzbrgr Yung Blood
    Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson It was a bit surprising really.

    If he could have a "redo" I doubt he'd do it again…without knowing the details of how he did it or why I feel it was more of a shortsighted opportunist moment, a moment of madness rather than planned/thought out event.

    Always wait till the next morning and things will look better/clearer etc.

    His mom said he didn't leave a note or anything like it was planned or thought out. He had been hearing voices pretty severely for at least a week leading up to his death, if not longer. He was in touch with his parents and some friends those few days leading up telling them he thought the police were at his place trying to arrest him, and he was scared. I think he just got tortured enough, killing himself was only his escape, or the voices told him to do it. I don't know exactly what he did, but a lot of flooring was torn up in his apartment by bio cleanup, so I'm assuming he bled out. His mom said Archie was lying at his feet when the police were finally able to get to him. He had barracaded the door, and they had to get in through the window. I'm a bit surprised he did something so drastic as he has seemed to be vocally averse to suicide. In the past he's accidentally overdosed and been saved every time, so originally I assumed he had done that and just didn't make it this time.

    Years ago when we were together I asked him if he maybe had paranoid schizophrenia just after seeing patterns in his behavior through the years. He said he didn't hear voices, but there were many times we'd be in bed trying to go to sleep, and I'd hear him cursing under his breath. At first when I'd ask him what was wrong he'd hesitantly say nothing but a time or two he finally admitted he was having scary intrusive thoughts. He was a very very paranoid person. Some of it made sense because he was doing a lot of troublesome things, but some of it just seemed to come way out of left field, like him thinking he was being gang stalked or that the FBI had planted nano spiders with cameras on them in his place. One day I had come over and he was throwing everything away because he thought someone had broken into his place and planted meth. He was opening up stuff like ketchup and shampoo bottles and scraping the insides to see if there was meth in them before tossing them out. He was scraping at the grout in his shower and picking through the carpet. He would pick up pieces of cat litter and ask me if I thought it looked like meth, and I said I don't know because I don't know what meth looks like, but it looked like cat litter to me and once I said that he looked at it and realized he was losing it. Also in hindsight I realize he was probably doing a lot more meth than I was aware of him doing, which I know exacerbates insomnia and therefore paranoid thoughts/hearing voices. I haven't talked to him in the past two years, but in living close by to him, I've seen him a handful of times in the past year walking down the street, and he didn't look good. His face was red and swollen and looked to have sores or spots on it which led me to think he had been doing a lot of meth lately.

    He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I believe when he was 15, sometime around then. His mom said he was a loving child, seemed to be normal, but once he got into his teens it was like the flip of a switch. They had to kick him out because he was being so violent and unpredictable. I think with the bipolar disorder going unmedicated after that and being homeless/poor for periods of time he just got into a world of trouble and his mental illness deepened into other things like OCD and schizophrenia. He also wouldn't admit to a lot of things and wouldn't accept help. I think part of that had to do with his parents being "put-together", well-off, and active members of their community; I'm sure he felt he had to adhere to that standard as their son and couldn't vocally admit his problems. I don't think he was aware how apparent his actions were till he was in way too deep.
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  13. #13
    Robert Mugabe African Astronaut
    Originally posted by chzbrgr His mom said he didn't leave a note or anything like it was planned or thought out. He had been hearing voices pretty severely for at least a week leading up to his death, if not longer. He was in touch with his parents and some friends those few days leading up telling them he thought the police were at his place trying to arrest him, and he was scared. I think he just got tortured enough, killing himself was only his escape, or the voices told him to do it. I don't know exactly what he did, but a lot of flooring was torn up in his apartment by bio cleanup, so I'm assuming he bled out. His mom said Archie was lying at his feet when the police were finally able to get to him. He had barracaded the door, and they had to get in through the window. I'm a bit surprised he did something so drastic as he has seemed to be vocally averse to suicide. In the past he's accidentally overdosed and been saved every time, so originally I assumed he had done that and just didn't make it this time.

    Years ago when we were together I asked him if he maybe had paranoid schizophrenia just after seeing patterns in his behavior through the years. He said he didn't hear voices, but there were many times we'd be in bed trying to go to sleep, and I'd hear him cursing under his breath. At first when I'd ask him what was wrong he'd hesitantly say nothing but a time or two he finally admitted he was having scary intrusive thoughts. He was a very very paranoid person. Some of it made sense because he was doing a lot of troublesome things, but some of it just seemed to come way out of left field, like him thinking he was being gang stalked or that the FBI had planted nano spiders with cameras on them in his place. One day I had come over and he was throwing everything away because he thought someone had broken into his place and planted meth. He was opening up stuff like ketchup and shampoo bottles and scraping the insides to see if there was meth in them before tossing them out. He was scraping at the grout in his shower and picking through the carpet. He would pick up pieces of cat litter and ask me if I thought it looked like meth, and I said I don't know because I don't know what meth looks like, but it looked like cat litter to me and once I said that he looked at it and realized he was losing it. Also in hindsight I realize he was probably doing a lot more meth than I was aware of him doing, which I know exacerbates insomnia and therefore paranoid thoughts/hearing voices. I haven't talked to him in the past two years, but in living close by to him, I've seen him a handful of times in the past year walking down the street, and he didn't look good. His face was red and swollen and looked to have sores or spots on it which led me to think he had been doing a lot of meth lately.

    He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I believe when he was 15, sometime around then. His mom said he was a loving child, seemed to be normal, but once he got into his teens it was like the flip of a switch. They had to kick him out because he was being so violent and unpredictable. I think with the bipolar disorder going unmedicated after that and being homeless/poor for periods of time he just got into a world of trouble and his mental illness deepened into other things like OCD and schizophrenia. He also wouldn't admit to a lot of things and wouldn't accept help. I think part of that had to do with his parents being "put-together", well-off, and active members of their community; I'm sure he felt he had to adhere to that standard as their son and couldn't vocally admit his problems. I don't think he was aware how apparent his actions were till he was in way too deep.

    That's really sad, I will miss the guy. I hope he finds the solace and peace in death he could not attain in life.
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  14. #14
    Yeah, someone close to me was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and over a period of just a couple of weeks went from normal to "nuts" and attempted to kill themselves several times (or at least threatened too in a way that suggested they would do it had there not been intervention)...so I guess if he was in the throws of such an "outbreak" that could explain it.
  15. #15
    WellHung Black Hole
    i feel guilty and disappointed in myself that i didnt reach out to him, more, and try to be his friend, and support him. but i didnt know it was this bad. Shame on me.
  16. #16
    Ghost Black Hole
    Bill Krozby is the only reason I became a part of this community. I only cared about posting drug chemistry stuff, not socializing with weirdos on the internet but he added me on kik and seemed cool and invited me to TC and everything.

    My life would be a lot different if he never talked to me, I don't even know why he did, I don't remember what I posted but he was nice to me for some reason. Because of that I ended up meeting other people, who also died.

    It's fucked up to think about like I wouldn't be sad about these people dying if he never talked to me and I just forgot about the place and moved on many years ago but i'm glad I got to be his friend, his existence had a profound effect on many peoples lives.
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  17. #17
    mmQ Cum Lickin' Fagit
    I've known Douglas for some time now, not on a personal friendship level but we've certainly had our share of good and bad times in tiny chat and here on the forums.

    Clearly he has had his issues both mentally and addiction-wise but at the end of the day I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised that he killed himself.

    I guess I've never really noticed him have like a crazy full-blown psychotic episode and overall he has never given off a depressed vibe though that isn't to say he certainly didn't have some level of depression.

    At the end of the day, it's a weird feeling to know he isn't around anymore and when I think about it at its core it makes me sad to think I'll never just have some random drunk laughs with him again on TC or a random argument with him here, but, it is what it is.

    With each person passing I get more and more accustomed to it. If nothing else it makes me want to cherish my life just a little bit more, knowing I'm still here and by this point one of these deaths could and perhaps SHOULD have very well been me.

    I'll likely die soon but if I ever kill myself I promise I will make a large announcement and leave MANY MANY NOTES.

    Like sploo, krolo liked to make fun of my dead dad sometimes and so that kinda takes a little bit away from the sympathy I might feel about them dying. *small chuckle*

    Rest in peace motherfuckers I miss you and I don't.
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  18. #18
    chzbrgr Yung Blood
    Originally posted by WellHung i feel guilty and disappointed in myself that i didnt reach out to him, more, and try to be his friend, and support him. but i didnt know it was this bad. Shame on me.

    I understand the way you feel, but I don't think there was a whole lot to be done. I stayed in a relationship with him for so long because I could tell something was really wrong, and I'd hoped I could help him and be a good influence, but he still was tortured by his demons no matter how much I tried, and they caused him to do terrible things so I eventually I had to just leave for my own safety and hope the best for him. He was lost and would never ask for help and denied it when offered or highly suggested. Even when he went to the hospital the Thursday before, his dad said that the doctor wanted to keep him, but Doug smooth talked his way out, and they released him. All he ever wanted was freedom and it didn't matter the consequences.
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  19. #19
    Robert Mugabe African Astronaut
    Originally posted by chzbrgr I understand the way you feel, but I don't think there was a whole lot to be done. I stayed in a relationship with him for so long because I could tell something was really wrong, and I'd hoped I could help him and be a good influence, but he still was tortured by his demons no matter how much I tried, and they caused him to do terrible things so I eventually I had to just leave for my own safety and hope the best for him. He was lost and would never ask for help and denied it when offered or highly suggested. Even when he went to the hospital the Thursday before, his dad said that the doctor wanted to keep him, but Doug smooth talked his way out, and they released him. All he ever wanted was freedom and it didn't matter the consequences.

    I didn't know he heard voices How often did he do meth? I know he dabbled in things but I just thought it was mainly beer and the odd toke
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  20. #20
    chzbrgr Yung Blood
    Originally posted by Robert Mugabe I didn't know he heard voices How often did he do meth? I know he dabbled in things but I just thought it was mainly beer and the odd toke

    I honestly am not sure exactly how often with the meth. There were times he mentioned he was doing it, but I thought it was just in short limited increments based on who he knew at the time. He was pretty vain and didn't want to get so into it that it affected his appearance, but I do remember him hanging with a friend named Mark for a while and they did meth together. That started back in 2012 and I think went on for a little while because I finally remember meeting the guy after a few years. He died a year or so after that. Doug honestly would do whatever he could get his hands on. He was pretty desperate for release. Most days he'd have to get up first thing in the morning and walk to the store for a beer. If he'd try to quit or not have money to get beer, he'd get really sick after 2-3 days. I told him if he ever really wanted to quit, he'd have to go to rehab because if he did it on his own he'd die. There was a time or two he did try, and he ended up having seizures.
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