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I don't like being like this anymore guys :(

  1. #1
    filtration Tuskegee Airman
    Before I try and explain what is happening in my brain, please don't judge me, you will see some bad things and some good things.

    So, I grew up in a shitty household. I saw my mum beat my dad and my dad beat my mum. They ended up breaking up around the time I was 13. I stayed living with my mum. Things were alright for a while, but she would start emotionally messing with me, she would pretend to have strokes, she would pin me down and hit me, she would threaten to kill herself. I hated it so I would spend most of the time out of the house at my friends, or on the street just walking around to stay out of the house

    After all that I ended up living with my grandmother. This was a breathe of fresh air, a loving, beautiful woman. While living at my grandmothers, I ended up staying in the house more and more, I would be playing video games and browsing the internet. At first I felt alive, and like the world actually meant something, but one day it all went 'odd', like I wasn't me no more. My emotions left me, I barely felt many emotions.

    Over the course of 10 years, it great more and more, I would start saying the most inappropriate things from Racist things, murder things, terrorist things, peadophillia things. When I know deep down I DO NOT agree with any of that stuff, but I can't control myself from saying it. As of late my memory has been getting worse and worse, to the point I forget things as soon as someone tells me, I don't know if I just don't process it well, or it leaves as soon as a process it. I find people need to explain things like they would to a child for me to even understand and process the information, And my jokes are getting extremely dark where nothing I say shocks me. I know deep down I am altruistic, but I still say and do stupid things that I can't control.

    I tend to get scared forming bonds with people in case they leave me or abandon me, so I end up pushing them away before that can happen. As of late (this year) I've been acting different than how I did, like for a week I can think when I die the universe will end or that everyone is trying to poison me to the next week looking back wondering why I was like that.

    I had a nice girlfriend but I was scared she was going to leave so I always thought she was cheating so I tried to push her away before I got in the relationship longer

    I know I sound batshit crazy but I just wanted to get it off my chest.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  2. #2
    Nonce Houston
    That sucks.

    Any Child Porn?
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  3. #3
    WellHung Black Hole
    i want a slurpee.
  4. #4
    Grylls motherfucker [abrade this vocal tread-softly]
    Originally posted by WellHung i want a slurpee.

    You can surp on my nigger cock
  5. #5
    Octavian motherfucker
    What a faggit
  6. #6
    Grylls motherfucker [abrade this vocal tread-softly]
    Me?
  7. #7
    BummyMofo African Astronaut
    Originally posted by WellHung i want a slurpee.



    Originally posted by Octavian What a faggit

    Pay no mind to these two. They are racist pedofags themselves.

    Anyway, OP you need to start living life in the real world. You spend a lot of time on the internet. Do volunteer work for your community. Become active in a church. Live life in reality and be less of an internetman.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  8. #8
    STER0S African Astronaut [the disappointingly unanticipated slab]
    are you drug-free?
  9. #9
    Erekshun Naturally Camouflaged
    Go to church and get to know the people. You wanna see some fucked up people? You will fell better after about 4 months.
  10. #10
    BummyMofo African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Erekshun Go to church and get to know the people. You wanna see some fucked up people? You will fell better after about 4 months.

    There are good churches with plenty of positive influences.
  11. #11
    Erekshun Naturally Camouflaged
    Originally posted by BummyMofo There are good churches with plenty of positive influences.

    So either way he wins.
  12. #12
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by Erekshun Go to church and get to know the people. You wanna see some fucked up people? You will fell better after about 4 months.

    seems like a lot of work to see fucked up people when all you have to do is walk outside
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  13. #13
    Octavian motherfucker
    Originally posted by BummyMofo Pay no mind to these two. They are racist pedofags themselves.

    Anyway, OP you need to start living life in the real world. You spend a lot of time on the internet. Do volunteer work for your community. Become active in a church. Live life in reality and be less of an internetman.

    Is that why your wife left you for a white man?

    Nigger.
  14. #14
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    You've become desensitized and programmed. It's one of the goals of the New World Order, to turn all of humanity into machine-like subjects. You are now a cyborg. The Net feeds your ongoing conditioning with necessary updates.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  15. #15
    Octavian motherfucker
    Originally posted by -SpectraL You've become desensitized and programmed. It's one of the goals of the New World Order, to turn all of humanity into machine-like subjects. You are now a cyborg. The Net feeds your ongoing conditioning with necessary updates.

    Is that why you got demodded?
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  16. #16
    Firekrochfatty African Astronaut
    It sounds like your mind "tourettes" words and ideas you don't agree with and don't wanna hear. I agree with BummyMofo, get with people, and read up on behaviors, and work on really living. Take 15 minutes a day and put it toward YOUR dream, and you'll succeed. If you don't, it'll just become "someday" like everything else, so get your dream, and enjoy what this incredible place has to offer.
  17. #17
    Octavian motherfucker
    Is that why no one understands what the fuck you are talking about?
  18. #18
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Originally posted by Octavian Is that why you got demodded?

    That didn't scare me.
  19. #19
    Grylls motherfucker [abrade this vocal tread-softly]
    Originally posted by -SpectraL That didn't scare me.

    I’ll fry your video card
  20. #20
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Originally posted by Grylls I’ll fry your video card

    I'll fry your french fries.
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