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Adventures With My Wieirdest Fetish

  1. HTS highlight reel
    Hello NIS,

    I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

    I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

    While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

    As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

    I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

    That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

    I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

    While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

    When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  2. No one cares
  3. wtf
  4. HTS highlight reel
    Originally posted by Phantasmagoria No one cares

    If you had the courage to record yourself having an adventure half as wild as mine, you might actually get patreonbux.
  5. Originally posted by HTS If you had the courage to record yourself having an adventure half as wild as mine, you might actually get patreonbux.

    The fact that we live in a society where a tranny shoving butter up his anus would receive more crowdfunding money than a poor hikikomori with disabilities says everything about international jewry
  6. ECAP Houston
    Originally posted by HTS If you had the courage to record yourself having an adventure half as wild as mine, you might actually get patreonbux.

    Did the prefrontal lobotomy hurt?
  7. HTS highlight reel
    Originally posted by ECAP Did the prefrontal lobotomy hurt?

    Like what even is a "prefrontal lobotomy"? I feel fine anyway. 😘
  8. ECAP Houston
    Definitely causes memory loss
  9. mikeyagain African Astronaut [unalterably regard the persecutor]
    Send pics to see if the butter enjoyed it's self..
  10. Item 9 African Astronaut
    🖕😛💩
  11. HTS highlight reel
    Originally posted by ECAP Definitely causes memory loss

  12. aldra Dark Matter [my considered impending distributor]
    why does this seem so familiar
  13. Fonaplats Dallas [daylong jump-start that nome]
    HTS are you looking for a Navy man?
    I recently joined and need someone to cum home to after deployment.
  14. HTS highlight reel
    Originally posted by aldra why does this seem so familiar

    It's from an episode of the hit anime series "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
  15. HTS highlight reel
    The Gang Makes Shitbutter
  16. aldra Dark Matter [my considered impending distributor]
    charlie misuses his super saiyan powers
  17. Narc African Astronaut [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Stopped reading at butter up ass. Obvs homo shit is obvs, not interested you sick fuck.

    And btw you're not a girl ya fag.


    .
  18. HTS highlight reel
    WHY DOES NOBODY APPRECIATE THE SHIT BUTTER?
  19. HTS highlight reel
    My shit(butter)posting is too magnificent for people to even read fully. The tale is a grand one, worthy of its length and girth. I suggest you look past the anus fingering and ramming of butter, to witness its true textual (and sexual) glory.
  20. vindicktive vinny Space Nigga (banned)
    Originally posted by HTS My shit(butter)posting is too magnificent for people to even read fully. The tale is a grand one, worthy of its length and girth. I suggest you look past the anus fingering and ramming of butter, to witness its true textual (and sexual) glory.

    its bevause we can actually smell it from here.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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